I thought it would be helpful to compile a list of good beginning steps for those who want to give up crossdressing (or other autogynephilic related behaviors) for good. This is just a starting point for those who wish to stop crossdressing completely. Stopping crossdressing altogether is a long process, and there is much more that could be said and be done besides the brief steps I’ve outlined here. But for those that want to finally overcome crossdressing in their lives, this is a good place to begin.
I’m going to only briefly lay out these points. For some of them I will link to other blog posts and articles, (some of them not my own), that explain further these points. For most of these points, I plan to write about them in a more deep way, each individually, in the future in other detailed posts. Also, I’m sure this list could be improved, edited, added to, so if you have any suggestions please let me know.
These steps are in an order. The order is just my own opinion on what I think would be most helpful. Obviously many people will disagree with these steps, or the order, or that crossdressing even needs to be stopped. But for those that do want to stop crossdressing, I hope this can be helpful for you.
1. Desire to stop crossdressing.
The first obvious step is that you have to actually want to stop crossdressing. Maybe you think crossdressing is sinful and so you want to stop. Maybe you think its destructive in your life and so you want to stop. Maybe its harming your marriage and so you want to stop. Maybe you are just afraid of the reality of getting caught. But whatever the case may be, the first step has to be some desire to stop. If you aren’t to that point yet, consider reading these posts. Start with this one – What Causes People to Change?
Summary – Reasons Crossdressing is Sinful and Harmful
Autogynephilia is Self-Defeating
Fool! You will be Caught!
My Addiction to Crossdressing Fiction
Deuteronomy 22:5
1 Corinthians 11:2-16 Prohibits crossdressing
Crossdressing is like Pornography
Crossdressing is about Envy
Crossdressing demands sacrifice of self
Here a couple posts by a friend about why he stopped.
Why I don’t anymore
Ironing it out
2. Believe that it is possible to stop crossdressing.
What finally helped me to find real freedom from crossdressing addiction was to come to a new belief that it was possible to control myself and stop crossdressing. I had to believe it in my head and my heart. Face the truth about crossdressing and realize that you have the ability to stop by reading through the posts on my website. Spend some hours reading. Read and watch testimonies on my links page. Most crossdressers are stuck in the belief that it is impossible to stop crossdressing and are stuck in the self-deception of crossdressing. Read some new perspectives.
Guest Posts
Can God deliver me from crossdressing?
I quit crossdressing and I am happy!
Change is Possible!
Healing is Possible
3. Decide to stop crossdressing.
Following this desire to stop crossdressing and the belief that it is possible, make a firm decision for yourself that you are going to fight to stop crossdressing and get it out of your life. Make this a clear firm moment in your life and maybe even write down the date. We always have the freewill to make such a decision. See my post – You have a choice! After you make the decision, make a plan of attack for yourself. Don’t leave things up to chance. Change your old habits. Make a detailed strategy and plan to fight crossdressing. You will get many practical ideas from my website.
4. Pray.
If you are not a Christian, I think figuring out what you believe about the meaning of life and what you believe about God, is far more important than anything to do with crossdressing. It’s more important that you think about life and death and why we exist than to read my website. But for help in thinking this through, you could read My Christian Perspective.
For those who already have a relationship with Jesus, prayer is vital. There are few components to this. 1. Prayers of confession and repentance and asking God’s forgiveness for past crossdressing and related sins. 2. Prayers of thanksgiving for forgiveness, salvation, and God’s love. 3. Prayers to ask God for help to overcome the crossdressing addiction. 4. And just talk to God. Grow in your relationship with him. Praise him, thank him, worship him, talk to him. Become more intimate and purposeful in your relationship with God. Continue with this step until you die 🙂 The more you find joy in your relationship with God, the more pitiful crossdressing will seem in comparison.
5. Read, study, and memorize Scripture.
Delve into Scripture, also known as the Bible, God’s Word. Fill your mind with truth. Fill your mind with God’s promises of forgiveness and grace. Fill your mind with God’s promises of him giving us the power to resist sin. Learn about God. Read about Jesus’ life. Grow in your relationship with him. Follow the Bible’s instruction about how to life a full, joyful, fulfilling, fruitful life as God intended. It would be helpful to read some of the “Helpful Bible Verses” posts I have done. These posts explain some good passages for you to begin with.
Posts about Bible passages
6. Get rid of as many temptations as possible.
Giving up crossdressing will be extremely difficult at first. To help ourselves as much as possible we need to try to lessen the amount of triggers and temptations in our lives. One obvious first step is getting rid of any secret stash of clothing right away. Purge, yes do it again even if you have many times before. Take the clothing to Goodwill and be done with it. There is no reason for you to keep it. If you think you might go back to crossdressing someday and therefore it would be a waste of money to get rid of the clothes, then you really haven’t committed to stopping yet. You need to go back to some of the first few steps again. Don’t keep a raging fire in your house that will burn you. At the very least, give all the clothes to a trusted friend so that they are out of your reach until such time as you change your mind about crossdressing.
If the internet is a problem for you, consider getting an internet filter immediately. If your wife’s clothing being left out is a problem for you, consider telling her what she can to help you better. Don’t do things that are technically “okay” if they will trigger your addiction. Perhaps wearing an apron is a trigger for you. If so, avoid wearing one. Be wise about how you take trips. Don’t spend too much time alone. Have an accountability partner on standby. Grow a beard so that crossdressing will be less satisfying and easy. (Plus this also might help you to feel more like a man again) – Grow a Beard! Take some time to get in shape to make yourself appear more like a man and make it more difficult to crossdress – Lifting Weights and Becoming Muscular. Be careful about being alone so much of the time. Get around other people. Spend more time with friends or outside hobbies. Fill your time with something different things – Get a Hobby. Be wise when you travel – Resisting Temptations During Trips.
I think it is important to stop crossdressing cold turkey rather than through gradual lessening of crossdressing in the attempt to lessen the desires and temptations. See my post – Unconditioning.
Don’t expect it to be easy to heal from this addiction. Don’t expect it to be easy to reduce the temptations. You would put a lot of time into learning a language or an instrument. You would put a lot of effort into getting rid of a drug addiction. Why expect this to be different? Read this important post: No more half measures.
7. Fight the temptations that come.
It’s one thing to get rid of as many temptations as we can. But what do we do when temptations come? What can we do when we suddenly have a strong desire to put on our wife’s sexy high heels or really want to read the latest crossdressing fiction story online? We have to be ready to deal with the temptations and desires we will inevitably still experience. Here are a few ideas.
First of all, stick to your commitment not to give in to crossdressing at all. And I would add, do not to let yourself fantasize about crossdressing at all. Resist all autogynephilic daydreams and fantasies. You don’t need to kick yourself for having a crossdressing thought come into your mind, or a thought about how you’d love to be a woman. But don’t let yourself dwell in sexually pleasurable crossdressing fantasies. If you want to really successfully stop crossdressing and find healing from it, you have to fight these fantasies as well. Fantasizing about it only adds more power to it, and you’ll probably eventually manifest the fantasies through concrete actions of crossdressing. (And God cares about what goes on in our hearts and minds beyond just what we do).
But this is not to say we should suppress our crossdressing desires. When they come we should acknowledge them and deal with them. Trying to ignore them or bury them will probably either just cause them to bubble forth like a volcano at some later point, or cause you mental anguish. It’s important that we be honest with ourselves about the thoughts that come into our minds, but then deal with them without burying them. See a friend’s post about suppression here – Suppression. Try the Rain approach to temptation – Don’t Suppress your desires. R – Recognize what craving feels like. A – Allow it to be present without pushing it away, allow it to come up, do its dance and fade away. I – Investigate what craving feels like in my body right now with curiosity. N – Note craving as it comes and goes along with tension, yearning, and tightness in the body.
Learn how to fight against Satan’s temptations – How Satan tempts us to crossdress. When a temptation comes, imagine how angry or disgusted you would be if your wife crossdressed – Imagine your wife crossdressed.
Something I’ve found most helpful is telling myself affirmations of truth during times of temptation. I break through the crossdressing rationalizations and lies by reminding myself, “I don’t really want to crossdress.” “I don’t want to sin because I love God and am thankful for his forgiveness.” “I always feel stupid after crossdressing.” See a more full description of this here – Importance of Affirmations.
I also have found distractions to be helpful during times of temptations. The sexual power of crossdressing temptations often makes me lose my head. But if I do something else briefly, rational thinking returns and the strong temptation subsides. For me playing an engaging video game helps a lot. For others it could be playing an instrument, taking a walk, working out, etc.
It also helps to have some way to get rid of sexual build up and tension. For those of us who are married, finding ways to have more sexual or just physical time with our wives can be very helpful. And learn to be at peace with nocturnal emissions that will give you release.
8. Get some accountability.
Here is my most thorough post on the need for an accountability partner – Get an Accountability Partner.
Realize that you probably are not going to be successful doing this alone. Find others in your life to support you, some for indirect support, and some people for direct support who know about your crossdressing struggle. Part of this support could be going to church. It could be finding a specific church small group to admit your struggle to. It could be joining Celebrate Recovery or joining a sex addicts anonymous group – Sex Addicts Anonymous’s Twelve Steps.
It could include telling a couple close friends about your addiction and getting their encouragement and accountability. It could involve telling your wife. Telling close friends and my wife was immensely helpful to me. We all need some friends to confess our sins to because when we confess to someone, temptations lose their power over us. We need people to ask us regularly how we are doing. We need people who will stick by us through thick and thin. We need people who will encourage us. We need people who will celebrate with us when we are successful at beating crossdressing, and people who will help pick us back up and remind us of God’s grace at times that we fail. We need to commit to telling the truth if we are going to be successful. See my post on telling the truth about our crossdressing to others – Telling the truth.
I’d highly encourage you to tell your wife about your crossdressing struggle. Being a woman, and being in such an intimate relationship with you puts her in a unique position. Just telling her will help you, even though it could be very painful for both of you at first. But the truth may just set you free. Having your wife know brings a reality check to your actions that is hard to match. She can help you realize the foolishness of what you were doing and encourage you in your new fight against it. She can help you think through your own personality and struggle with crossdressing. I also think this kind of honesty is extremely vital for such an important and intimate relationship like marriage. Crossdressing is something that has shaped your entire life, and it would help her to understand you better to know about it.
How do I tell my wife, a friend, or a pastor about my crossdressing?
The role of a wife in your recovery
You also might want to consider confessing sins of crossdressing to your wife, sister, mother, or others in your life that you might have confused or hurt by your crossdressing, as well as asking them for forgiveness. Last, this website has a built in prayer group I created to bring together those who are struggling so they can pray for each other and give each other accountability. It’s a great way to receive prayer and help from others who are also fighting crossdressing – Prayer Group.
If you are not a Christian, there are still different groups available to you. The first is an anonymous voice chatting phone group called Cross Dressaholics Anonymous. The second is an email based recovery group – Recovery Group Healing CD. People are able to share and discuss, regardless of their religious perspectives, and get advice and encouragement from one another. The third is an extension of the Recovery group using a Discord server. It is another medium for text or voice discussion with the guys of the Recovery Group. The discord server is: https://discord.gg/JxfzrQPaeS
9. Make peace with the reality that the temptations might never go away.
Whether you think of autogynephilia and crossdressing as more of a sexual orientation or as more of a sexual addiction, we need to face the reality that we may never fully eliminate these desires to dress like women or scattered thoughts of longing to be women. Like most temptations to sin, the reality is that the temptations to crossdress might never completely go away. This is something we need to face, but it should not make us depressed. An alcoholic might always have certain small desires to drink, but he or she continues to resist until they die. A Christian who experiences same-sex attraction might never experience a miraculous change in their pattern of attraction, but they can still live a faithful life for Christ without giving in to their desires. Similarly, we might desire crossdressing at times for the rest of our lives, but we can still resist. And we can still lead a healthy fulfilling life. To read more about this, please read my post – Healing doesn’t mean no more temptations.
But don’t focus so much on the future, just to take things one day at a time. The day’s problems and temptations are enough to worry about.
I would like to encourage you though that it is of course possible for your crossdressing desires to completely go away. Each person is different and there are some who seem to have no more temptations. For me, my crossdressing desires are largely nonexistent these days. Once in a while, rarely, I’ll have some crossdressing temptations, but they’ve become easy to resist. I think that for any of us who stop crossdressing, after the first really hard withdrawal period, the crossdressing temptations slowly start to lessen in strength. Read Our Temptations Should Lessen Over Time. I can also testify that while the temptations can sometimes come to engage in crossdressing-related behaviors for sexual arousal, I have had inner healing from gender dysphoria to the point that I am completely content living as a man and I have no gender dysphoria at all anymore.
10. Find a valuable purpose in life and positive ways to use your energy.
I think a lot of us can’t seem to give up our struggle with crossdressing because we don’t take life very seriously. We don’t get much fulfillment out of other things in life. We are just ticking the time away, not working hard at our jobs, not finding ways to contribute to the world and help other people. We have no ultimate purpose in life, such as the purpose of loving God, living for him, and loving other people because of God’s love for us. If life is pretty meaningless for you, or boring, and nothing really stretches you, or gives you joy and fulfillment, then of course you’d keep turning back to crossdressing or pornography for fleeting pleasures. So my first piece of advice here again is to find your ultimate purpose and meaning in life in God. And then figure out what his specific purpose is for you in your life. What has he created you to do? How can he use you to impact the world and make it a better place in some small but meaningful ways? Consider reading “The Purpose Driven Life.”
Besides just finding a purpose in life, we need positive ways to use our energy. Volunteering, helping people out, fun hobbies, and getting involved in church are just a few ways to learn how to spend our time differently. Instead of spending all of our free time hiding in closets or looking at ourselves in the mirror in female clothes, we can do things that have value, and things that help others. Try something new. Read some good books. Stretch yourself out of your comfort zone. Find some adventure in life beyond crossdressing.
I also include in this step rediscovering who we are as men. Start letting your male traits out. Enjoy being a man. Have your wife affirm your manhood. Upgrade your male wardrobe. Enjoy taking care of your appearance as a man. Enjoy looking good as a man. Randall Wayne has wrote some on this. Our perspectives might be slightly different, but he’s got a lot of good stuff to say in his testimony – here. Study about the real biological differences between men and women. Study what the Bible says about the roles of men and women. Embrace the role God has called you to.
Find out what the Bible says about true manhood and personhood. Many of the stereotypes about masculinity and femininity in our culture are at best stifling, and at worst destructive, and may even have contributed to our developing desires for crossdressing. Learn to integrate the contrasting aspects of your personality that were divided into your male self and crossdressing self. Be a whole complete human being. Those aspects of your personality that you stifled in order to be a man of our culture, and which came out in your crossdressing times, integrate them into your real self. I have written a very thorough post about this process – Integration and Contentment. This post will also help you if you are experiencing gender dysphoria as a result of your crossdressing and autogynephilia. My friend also has a thoughtful post along these lines: Counter-productive
Last, a little tidbit. Take your desire for female beauty and interest in fashion and point it towards your girlfriend or wife. Talk to her about fashion and what you find beautiful. Go shopping with her and help her find things that look good on her. You can enjoy the female clothes in the way they were supposed to be enjoyed by you, that is, on your wife or girlfriend. This way you can utilize your healthy attention to female beauty in a healthy non-deceitful way. See my post – Connecting with femininity and a friend has a helpful post on this – Insights from Outlets
11. Deal with failure in a healthy way.
If you fail, spend time confessing to God and enjoying his forgiveness, and then get going again in your fight against crossdressing. Don’t let Satan use your failure for further evil and pain. Satan hits us hard in our failures. He loves to make us wallow in condemnation, telling us that we aren’t good enough to be forgiven by God, and so we don’t believe we are truly forgiven or loved by God. It’s true we aren’t good enough, but God forgives us because of his merciful and loving nature, not because we deserve forgiveness. And Satan also likes to use failure to make us think we have no power over sin and so we might as well give up. But God promises us that he has given us the power to resist any temptation that comes our way. Read – Persevere! It’s going to be a long struggle.
Satan also likes to encourage us to conquer sin using our own strength. This only leads to failure or pride. The true way to fight sin, is to find joy in God’s forgiveness, and be transformed by that forgiveness and grace. Then we fight sin, not for our own pride, not using our own strength, but we do it with God’s strength, being united to Christ. We fight sin out of thanksgiving for God’s grace, not in order to earn God’s grace. Keep going back to God’s forgiveness and grace. It should be the motivation for all the good that we do. We aren’t trying to earn anything.
One of the more important tips I can give here is to not let failure spur you to give up trying to quit. Some people fail and lose hope and then wonder why they should keep trying. But the reality is that for almost every person I talk to, they love life so much more when they are not giving in. They feel free. They are more happy. If we fail, we should remember what it feels like to be free and living life without crossdressing. Let the failure spur you back to wanting to live in freedom again. Every day of freedom is a day of freedom. It’s wonderful and worth it. Even if we relapse, we should not give up trying to quit, or become hopeless, and turn back to slavery again. Rather, remind yourself the joy of not giving in. It’s better to live in freedom with an occasional relapse, then to live in slavery to addiction.
Each time you fail, take some time to analyze how it happened. What were the triggers? What rationalizations did you make? What can you learn from this painful failure? See these posts about times I dealt with failure:
No Condemnation
10 Minute Relapse
Relapses Part 1
Relapses Part 2
Relapses Part 3
12. Try to understand yourself more deeply.
I’m convinced that an important part of the healing process from crossdressing is trying to understand ourselves more deeply. Rather than just stopping crossdressing and leaving it in the past, we should spend some time researching, studying, and thinking about what caused us to develop the crossdressing desires we have. But be careful about doing this. Don’t use studying crossdressing as an excuse to fantasize, or you may end up stumbling while doing research. Don’t be afraid to learn about crossdressing and autogynephilia from non-Christian sources, but filter what you read through your biblical worldview.
If you don’t understand autogynephilia or haven’t read about it, please see my links page and all the resources there about autogynephilia (love of oneself as a woman). Links and Resources. I found that understanding autogynephilia really helped me to understand myself and my desires more coherently, and in turn to have more power over how I choose to live.
Read some Christian books about autogynephilia or transgender issues. There are many on my links page. And many articles.
Think through personality, gender stereotypes, and what is specifically causing you to have gender dysphoria. Please read this most important post – Integration and Contentment
You could also consider seeing a counselor to help you work through these issues, but realize you may know far more about crossdressing and its effects than your counselor. It’s a subject that hasn’t been studied enough. Further, many counselors seem to think its harmless and don’t realize how destructive it can be.
You can start working through my full blog post list – List of all blog posts
Conclusion – I hope these steps have been helpful to you. There’s obviously much more that could be said. But this is a beginning. Feel free to contact me. Let me know if you would like prayer.
Thanks for your great site! I will help my husband implement!
Hello! Firstly, I would like to thank you for trying to bring a healthy change in other’s lives. This website has been a motivation for me since a few months and I wish I had found when this crossdressing addiction had just begun. I relate to many blogs you have written.
Here’s a bit about me and my religious views. I’m from India, I’m Hindu. Although I believe that some kind of superpower(God) exists, but he could be in form of Jesus, or any other that gives you the reason to live.
I’m 21 right now, started crossdressing at the age of 16 and I have battling since then. There have been urges to crossdress even before 16, the reason still being a mystery, but I never acted upon them physically. I have analysed and researched a lot to why these urges are there. To be frank, I have heterosexual feelings but these urges makes me question my sexuality, preferences etc. Also to add, i never have had a conscious orgasm, mostly due to anxiety, but there have been nocturnal emissions in which I would be crossdressed. Its tiring to fight something constantly in the mind, which could be a disaster to my future. The urges are mostly related to AGP and looking sexier, attractive. After failing miserably yesterday, I have finally decided to stop it and live a healthy life as meant by the God.
I would be truly thankful to you for any suggestions or advices you could provide. Also, one thing that is bothering me lately is that I read these urges reduce in the early 20s but increase drastically when you get older, like in the 60s. Is that really the case?
Hello Rohit, you are very welcome here. Thank you for commenting.
Thank you for sharing about your religious views. I think the most important thing you can do, aside from these crossdressing issues, is to have a relationship with God your creator. The one and only God. To read more about my religious views, you can read here – https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/my-christian-perspective/
I am very glad to hear you want to give up crossdressing. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. And I really think the only choices are to give it up or to fall fully into the addiction. The more you keep crossdressing, the more you are strengthening crossdressing’s hold over your body, as your body keeps getting accustomed to finding sexual pleasure in that way. The fact that you have not masturbated while crossdressing is a very good thing. Once you start doing that, crossdressing takes even a bigger hold over you. Right now, you are still experiencing the sexual pleasure but not the total sexual release. The time to break this addiction is now.
I encourage you to keep reading my other posts and keep commenting. Ask any questions you have.
For your question about crossdressing later in life, I’m not sure. I have read the same as what you said, but also know former crossdressers who that is not the case for. Regardless whether the urges increase or decrease, the answer is still the same, live without these urges ruling over your life. You do not have to live as a crossdresser, you can overcome the urges, you can heal from them, and live a healthy life as a man, whether you get married or not.
You say you believe God can be in many forms, including Jesus. Why not start by having some time of prayer, speaking to Jesus, and asking for his help to overcome this addiction?
Keep in touch!
Iam 14 it started for me when I was young with my younger female cousin. At the time it was dun and games but two years ago when I had power to do things it really took off. This site was very helpful. Thank you so much Barnabas
John I encourage you to keep reading my posts. It will help you a lot. Thank you for your appreciation. You should also consider joining this prayer group if you are struggling with being able to stop. https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/prayer-group/
I’m here today because I’ve had enough of the negative affects cross dressing has on my life. I’ve struggled with this alone for long enough and I am happy to be here with people like me but have overcame a struggle I’m looking to. It’s gotten outta hand in since my early 20s even now at 35. I just want to be happy and free and I need help.
Freedom is possible Terry! First, keep reading my posts. They will help you a lot. And keep commenting, so others can encourage you as well.
Are you a Christian? Have you surrendered this issue completely to Jesus?
Start working through the steps. But at the same time, consider joining our prayer group for more support – https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/prayer-group/
Although, this comment was intended for this page, I accidentally posted on another one first. Barnabas has already made some replies on the original comment, and you can see them here:
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/about/
Hello All! My name is Brandon. I am a Christian, married, and 24 years old. I have struggled with fantasizing, and sometimes physically acting on, cross-dressing for longer than I can remember.
I remember, as a young kid, (maybe around 8 – 10) wishing I had a sister who wanted to play dress up with me. Since then, I have fantasized and struggled with the ideas off and on. The guilt I felt (and still feel to some lesser extent) was at many times crippling. Every time I acted on these desires, I felt ridiculous and embarrassed, and I vowed never to do it again. There were aspects that were enjoyable, but they was always overpowered by embarrassment and guilt.
Looking at this logically, I don’t know why I let myself be deceived each time; believing that it would actually be an enjoyable/fun experience. I regretted it every time. However, Satan and and our selfish flesh have some powerful ways of tempting and manipulating us.
I never stopped fighting these desires, and always knew they were wrong. However, the desires always seemed to come back and fester. Part of this is probably because I never faced this for what it was: one of my temptations for which I need to face and continuously overcome. It is not a part of me or my soul. Another part due to a lack of accountability in this area.
I have been thinking today about what some of my triggers may be, and what the reasons for these desires may be. I am thinking that part of it comes from me not feeling desired as a man (or boy) for much of my life. Yet, I was desiring women at the same time. So the insecurity in myself may be leading to me trying to fulfill those desires, without relying on others, and/or being the thing that I desire. Ultimately, this would be a problem with me not being content in the love that God has for me, and thus being unsatisfied by other peoples imperfect love.
I also believe some part of it comes from a desire to be daring/defiant. However, I have not been able to figure out the true heart issue for this one yet.
I have realized several things today while reading this post and some of its links:
1. I shouldn’t feel guilty just for being *tempted* to cross-dress. We are all tempted, just in different ways. Jesus was also tempted (Matthew 4). (Fantasizing is not the same as temptation.)
2. This sin is much worse than I realized. The self satisfaction of sexual desires which comes from this (even just as fantasizing) is unfaithfulness to my wife.
3. I need help: from my wife, and some of my good friends. This means they need to know about it. My wife knows that “at one point” I struggled with this, but has no idea to what extent that “was”. She can’t help me if she doesn’t know that I still struggle (and will likely continue to for a while) and at least some about to what extent it *is*.
I am currently planning on telling my wife very soon. I am figuring out what details she needs to know and what she may not need to know. I will also talk to at least one of my good friends.
I would appreciate prayer for the conversation with my wife and friends, as well as my ongoing battle with this.
Today I have a renewed hope and strength in this fight! Barnabas I can’t thank you enough for having the courage to make this blog. To say that it has helped me immensely today is an understatement, and God is using you for some awesome and real work! I hope to make some more posts in the future about my future struggles and (hopefully) triumphs with this, and I pray that this helps someone else.
God is good!
Your brother in Christ (and a work in progress),
Brandon
Yo! To anyone out there who might stumble upon this, remember that cross-dressing isn’t actually a bad thing! Back in ye olden days when the Bible was written, lots of men wore skirts and tunics – it was the style. Clothes are gendered by social convention, not by morality and ethics. So like, don’t sweat it.
Thank you for reading and for the comment Eric. I’m glad you are here. What you said is a common argument that is brought up often. But if you think about it a little more deeply, I think you will see that it doesn’t make sense. Even in biblical times men and women wore different clothing. But yes, men wore skirt/robe type garments different from our fashions today, and likewise women of the Bible times wore garments different from the fashions today. But in biblical times, men and women still wore different clothes that were restricted to their sexes, thus why they are strong commands against wearing clothes of the opposite sex in Deuteronomy 22:5 and 1 Corinthians 11. The point is to dress according to the body you have, and according to the cultural conventions in your specific time and place. To intentionally dress in order to look like the opposite sex, is wrong according to the Bible. Cultural styles of dress will vary, but in every place and time, men and women dress differently.
That said, if you don’t believe the Bible is true, why should you let it bother you? That’s a bigger discussion. And I’m happy to talk to you more about how do we know what is true, why we would trust the Bible, is God real?, etc. But there are some reasons to believe crossdressing is harmful and actually causes more confusion rather than personality integration. See my post here – https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/integration-and-contentment/
You come off as an intolerant fool blinded by religion. I’m guessing you’re between 45-60.
Cross dressing is a shameful sexual kink. If people do weird things at home, who cares?
Religious ideologies are way more of a plague on the world, I assure you.
Jon, I agree that religious ideologies have done a lot more harm in the world than sexual kinks like crossdressing. But this site does not exist to shame crossdressers or attack them as a problem in the world. It exists to help those who see crossdressing as a problem in their own life that they would like help with. Please do not read violence into my words that is not really there.
If you have a big problem with religion, please read this post which is not about religion, but rather looks at crossdressing from a more neutral perspective. I would love to know what you think:
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/integration-and-contentment/
As a current crossdresser, I am currently in therapy to cure myself. I hope soon I can stop wearing heels, skirts, dresses, wigs, etc
Hello Matt, what kind of therapy are you getting? And has it been helpful so far?
Hi Barnabas, your information and insight with the word of God has been helpful. Please pray for me as I pray for all of us with this problem. Thanks your friend in Christ, Ron
Hi Ron, glad you have found help here. We will be praying for you. Barnabas is travelling at the moment but will be in touch when he’s able to pick up the comments.
Hello Ronda, I’m glad this post has helped you. I encourage you to keep reading the other posts on my site. I will pray for you right now.
If you are serious about giving up crossdressing, please consider joining our prayer group – https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/prayer-group/
are you still hosting the Wednesday afternoon phone conference? was logged in today at noon till 12:30 and nobody came on line?
Thanks for the comment Sean. I’m not running the phone group, but am connected to Bob who is running it. They might have changed the time. Let me find out and I will get back to you! Sorry for the trouble. We will figure it out
Thank you so much
The time hasn’t changed. It’s just the one was skipped that was during Thanksgiving week. Please try again 🙂
I called 425-436-6304
access code 3126039
nothing….
For those wanting to join the phone meetings, Please make sure you’re at the right time and time zone for the phone meetings.
We’re off daylight savings, so these are standard times.
Here’s the info:
Cross Dressaholics Anonymous/SAA
Monday CDAA/SAA call at 7pm Eastern Dial (848) 220-3300
Enter access code 656-5945#
Wednesday CDAA call at 8pm Eastern
Dial (848) 220-3300
Enter access code 656-5945#
Announce yourself by first name only.
I called into the phone line, it’s 12:10pm EST and nobody is here….
Hi Sean,
This is Bob from the Cross Dressaholics Anonymous phone meeting. I’m sorry you’re having trouble reaching us.
The current meeting is on Wednesday at 8pm Eastern Time. We try to have someone there right at 8 or even a little earlier, but give it at least until say five or ten after for someone to jump on.
Here’s from the web site:
Phone Meeting Wednesday from 8-9pm Eastern Time Zone
Call (425) 436-6304
Access code:
312-6039#
Announce yourself using your first name only.
The only requirement for joining the call is a desire to stop cross dressing.
Hello Bob,
Is this call still going? If so, is it the same time and number etc? Thanks.
It is still going on! Here are the current phone meeting times:
Monday CDAA call at 7pm Eastern
Dial (848) 220-3300 then
Enter access code 656-5945#
Wednesday call at 8pm Eastern
Dial (848) 220-3300
Enter access code 656-5945#
I am struggling with this. I confessed to my wife that I’m a crossdresser because I didn’t want to keep this “lie” from her. I also knew that by my confession, I would seek therapy and help. And I have. I have tremendous faith and believe the Lord will deliver me from this temptation.
Mark that is wonderful to hear. Confessing to your wife, especially if you confessed too many years late, is super tough. Well done on that! I imagine it brought a lot of consequences to you and your relationship, but it was still the ethical thing to do, and what God wants us to do.
How has her response been?
As you get help overcoming this addiction, I invite you to join our prayer group where you can get more support, advice, and prayer – https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/prayer-group/
i’m a cross dresser – i love it, the older i get the sexual feelings get stronger and stronger
Okay, is there is a reason you have shared that here? If you don’t feel like stopping crossdressing, then you can ignore the steps. However, if you want to think through why it might be good to stop, read these posts:
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/integration-and-contentment/
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/summary-reasons-crossdressing-is-sinful-harmful/
Hi,
I almost complete 1 year when I started to follow your advices, I was doing great. I say, it wasn’t easy.
Now I feel it’s coming to me hardly.. Plz I need your help what to do.. I feel I’m going crazy
Almuthana, it’s great to hear from you again. Thanks for coming back to check in with us! I’m really glad to hear you have been doing well not giving in to crossdressing. I’m sorry to hear that it is getting difficult again.
I think as with most addictions, we go in cycles. Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes it’s hard. For me, I can go months without even a single thought of desire for crossdressing, but then out of nowhere temptations come and it is hard to resist. Remember that while we wish to have all of our desire to crossdress removed, that should not be the main goal. The main goal is not falling into the addiction again. Even when it gets hard, we have to remember why we wanted to quit in the first place. Remind yourself of the freedom you enjoyed not giving in. Remind yourself who you want to be.
If you already given in to crossdressing again, don’t let that failure make you want to give up. Instead let the feeling of that failure remind you of why you wanted to quit in the first place. Don’t stay on the ground. Get back up again. Keep on moving forward.
Don’t get overwhelmed by thinking of the big picture, just focus on winning each battle that comes.
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/the-war-is-fought-one-battle-at-a-time/
And if you want to check yourself to make sure you are doing enough practical things to fully quit, see this post – https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/no-more-half-measures/
Hi there boss,
Thanks for the encouragement..I’m back on feet…
Hey long time since you’ve been here! It is great to hear from you once again. How are you doing in giving up crossdressing?
Any questions you have? Things you want to discuss?
Good day Barn,
I’m trying to giving up for long time around 7 years. I tried many way but no improvement. Maybe longest time around 1 week only even I lost hope.. Just only thing I’m doing is to ask God for forgiveness and guidance.
After that I found your website I say maybe this for God answer. I feel there is improvement I mange to stop more than 7 months.
This problem I have since I was kid around 5 years old that what I remember.
My question is why this happen to me and why I have this inside since 5 years old. When I was 5 I have only 3 brothers. How I got this habit or what ever it’s called.
Good day to you too. I am happy to see that you were able to go 7 months. How did you feel during that time? For most of the guys here, even if they fail and give in once in a while, they still enjoy the freedom of life without crossdressing, and then they fail, it’s just some kind of pleasure for a moment only, that they regret, and they get right back to living in freedom again. Is it like that for you?
Maybe there are some other steps you haven’t taken. Give this a read:
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/no-more-half-measures/
I don’t know how you got your desire to crossdress, nor do I know how mine came. From all the research I’ve done, there doesn’t seem to be one main reason. Firstly, lots of people crossdress for different reasons, so it’s quite complicated to talk about the cause of crossdressing desire without also looking at the different types of crossdressing. Secondly, even for people who crossdress for the same reasons (let’s say sexual pleasure), there doesn’t appear to be a clear similar experience that we all went through to bring us to develop that desire. But I have a lot of blog posts thinking that issue through. Feel free to read as you get time:
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/all-blog-posts/
Almuthana – I made it 2 years, the longest I had ever made it, and failed. I decided to finally do something and I found this group. It has been helpful for me. I hope you continue to find help here. Barry
The Healing from Cross Dressing blog has helped me stay stopped from cross dressing. I also have been in 12 Step recovery groups like Sexaholics Anonymous, and they have been helpful to me. One thing I have found lacking though is a 12 Step Program specifically for cross dressers. Since several people on the blog have asked about whether such a group exists I decided to start one. It’s in the form of a free conference call. I’ll provide the information here below in case you are interested in joining the call.
Cross Dressaholics Anonymous
CD Recovery 12 Step phone meeting
Dial-in number: (425) 436-6304
Access Code: 312 6039
When prompted, enter the access code to join the conference.
Schedule of phone meetings:
Wednesdays at 8pm Eastern Time
Cross Dressaholics Anonymous web site:
https://cda111141949.wordpress.com/
Hope this helps those who want to stop, but have tried and were unable to stay stopped.
i am 16 year old for me its a fetish i want to stop i want to stop for myself i want to stop for my girlfriend i want to stop for my future kids no kid want to see their dad dress up as a female atleast for me. can i stop? only 1 fear is their that if i try to supress i will come again in future and stronger that i canont control
Hi Aditya. It is an addiction. If you stop, it doesn’t mean that the desire won’t come again. Just like those who give up drinking alcohol, or those who give up pornography, the temptations will still come again most likely, and sometimes strong, and can be tough to resist. But if you don’t stop, and you keep giving in, you will make it even worse. You will make your body accustomed to it so that you will want it more and more, and your body will begin to exclusively associate sexuality with CD. Some men who gave fully in to their addictions can’t even have sex with their wives anymore unless they are crossdressed.
So you are not in an easy situation. You either can stop, and slowly overcome this addiction, though it will take hard work. Or you can keep giving in to the addiction until it fully consumes you.
Are you a follower of Jesus?
Keep in touch, I’m glad to help you through this
Here is a post about suppression – https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/dont-suppress-your-desires/
i am not a jesus follower 🙂 i am a hindu but this website motivates me that i can stop it , how to stop it slowly?any recommendation? rn i am trying to push the thoughts to heterosexual so that my agp will become less people call it orgasmic reconditioning so when ever i am horny i just masturbate thinking i am doing sex with my girlfriend instead of the cd thoughts
Hi Aditya, you are very welcome here. I am a Christian, you can read about my beliefs here –
Although you are a Hindu, please know I am very glad to have you here, and look forward to getting to know you more. Please keep in touch. You are in the right place.
I have written tons about autogynephilia, though I don’t necessarily use that word in every post. Please keep reading and you can keep dialoguing through leaving comments.
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/all-blog-posts/
You can also talk to people through our public forum – https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/healing-from-crossdressing-forum/
its been 2 weeks since i decided to do something about this autogynephilia i really dont crossdress but yeah i used to masturbate to crossdressing only now from 2-3 weeks i tried masturbate to heterosexual feelings and i am successful and yeah i didn’t masturbated to crossdressing once, the envy was very less I masturbated very less and yeah whenever i did i masturbated to heterosexual feelings only.
Your efforts to change and improve your life are to be commended. When we are fighting addiction, we need to be careful not to substitute one bad habit for another one. I have done it myself in the past. One time I stopped cross dressing and decided it would be better to just read about it. It is similar to an alcoholic who stops drinking Whiskey but starts drinking Vodka. Having lustful thoughts and masturbation are highly addictive and can physically damage the brain. I have listened to Dr Trish Leigh on this topic. She is a neurologist who specializes in porn addiction. Her work is scientifically based and can be applied to any sexual addiction issue. She can be found on YouTube and she, also, has a podcast. If you type in Dr Trish Leigh masturbation on YouTube, a lot of videos will pop up. One thing I really like about her is that she always gives an action step at the end of her videos that you can use immediately. I have learned a lot about how the brain functions by listening to her. Good luck on your quest for recover!
i dont watch porn and i masturbate only when i could’nt stop myself so instead of masturbating to crossdressing feelings i masturbate to heterosexual feelings. its like once a week but i try to increase it every time
Let me say that anyone who is struggling with this “fetish” needs to do everything they can to stop. I crossdressed off and on for most of my life. It was one of the reasons my first marriage ended, and all the experience ever did was leave me with a hollow, empty feeling when it was over. It was almost impossible to maintain a relationship with a woman. It was something I could never share with family or friends. I could never look anyone in the eye and tell them that I enjoyed prancing around in lipstick and heels.
What finally helped me quit was cancer. I had stage 3 stomach cancer several years ago, and it almost killed me. At that time, I promised God that I would be a better man if he allowed me to survive.
Amazingly, I did survive, and I have tried my best to live up to the promises I have made to God. I don’t dress anymore. Facing death has a way of altering your priorities. It suddenly became apparent to me how disgusting and ridiculous this lifestyle really was. It’s an empty existence, and I felt like a demon was off my back when I finally managed to stop.
Be the man God intended. Cast off the bonds of this slavery before it destroys u.
Thank you Murphy for the testimony. I agree it is something that brings cheap thrills but ultimately it is empty and not meaningful. If you find you are struggling with temptations to give in again, and need more support, or if you’d like to support others, consider joining our group – https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/prayer-group/
Regret,shame,disguist ..thats what I feel every day..72 now this started before I was 16..gender dysphoria,transvestic disorder, AGP, what ever you want to call it..I hate it….I have spent so much money on clothes, just to purge,then buy again, then purge again…ultimately leads to self pleasure every time and then the hate and disgust starts all over again….divorced 15 years ago and been alone since…thought I was gay….another disgust, don’t know what I am….finally turning to the Lord and hope that he can finally take this from me…..is this a hopeless case??
I’m sorry to hear that Dave, though your story is not unusual. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the same thing from many other guys – regret, shame, disgust. However, I can tell you the truth that I and so many other guys here have successfully given up crossdressing and are living in freedom – without regret, and no longer feeling shame, and no longer having to feel the disgust, and enjoying life! That doesn’t mean that we never have a feeling of wanting to crossdress, those can still come sometimes, but we have learned how to live free without giving in to those compulsions all the time. You are not a hopeless case. And the Lord, the Good Shepherd, our Creator, our Savior, our God, the Lord Jesus, he will not leave you lost and abandoned. Turn to him, and he will set you free.
I urge you to continue to read the various posts on this site written by me and so many others, and keep in touch with me.
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/guest-posts/
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/all-blog-posts/
Also, if you want to make a commitment to give up crossdressing and want the help and support and prayers of other guys, we have a Christian prayer group, for those Christian men wanting accountability and encouragement in their giving up of crossdressing – https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/prayer-group/