I would like to recommend the book Autoheterosexual: Attracted to Being the Other Sex written by Phil Illy, himself an autoheterosexual, more specifically someone who experiences autogynephilia, just like I do. (I recommend this book with some strong reservations, read below). This book thoroughly explains and examines the subject of autogynephilia, or autoheterosexuality, a term which encompasses both men and women. For those who are new to this subject, you might wonder, what is autogynephilia? To quote Phil, autogynephilia is “sexual attraction to feminine embodiment. This attraction includes being a woman or womanly, or becoming a woman, or more womanly. “Auto” refers to the self, “gyne” refers to femininity, and “philia” refers to love. AGP can be thought of as a sexual orientation which, like other sexual orientations, may lead to strong emotions and sentiments which resemble those of conventional love.” I recommend this book first and foremost because it helped me to understand myself better. I believe that understanding myself and my strange inclinations more fully is an important part of my recovery. It’s not a magic bullet, but it can be helpful.

Secondly, I recommend this book because it provides some of the best reflection and analysis of autogynephilia that I have read (and there are few such books on this topic out there!). I might recommend it to friends and family members who know about my autogynephilia and who wish to get a better understanding of it.

Third, I recommend this book because it combines two important sources of information, research studies and personal anecdotes. Phil has carefully read all or nearly all of the research studies that have been done on autogynephilia. Some of us don’t have the academic acumen to sift through those studies, and some of us want to do so but simply do not have the time to read them all. In the book he gives us condensed summaries of these studies, books, and articles which I found extremely helpful. But he also draws on the personal experiences of real people, and he has talked extensively to many autoheterosexuals, in person and online. This is an important source of information, because what real people really feel and experience is tremendously important, and sometimes the psychologists get stuck in their theories without listening to what real people are telling them.

Fourth, I have corresponded with the author directly and found him to be open-minded and respectful, which is especially striking since so many crossdressers hate me and my website because of my viewpoint on autogynephilia and crossdressing. Maybe that is what I appreciate most of all about Phil and his book. In life generally, I think it’s important to make connections, new dialogue partners, and find areas of agreement with others even when you have other radically divergent views. If we could all do that, we would all learn a lot more and be less siloed into our tribes and cultural fights.

The positive remarks said above are said in good faith and I truly mean them, but unfortunately I do have to give a strong warning to my readers. Phil, the author, finds nothing wrong or unhealthy with autogynephilia and also thinks transition could be a healthy option for some autoheterosexuals. He is not a Christian and our views about morality and about the harm/health of crossdressing could not be more radically different. I think he is leading people down a dangerous and harmful path. In the book, he repeatedly makes moral statements about autogynephilia, encouraging people not to feel any guilt about crossdressing and not to think that there is anything at all unhealthy in indulging their autogynephilia. Therefore, I advise that if you are feeling weak in your resolve, but still want to keep your resolve to not indulge your autogynephilia and crossdressing desires, then don’t read this book at this time. Further, if you find that reading about crossdressing and autogynephilia, and reading about other people’s stories and feelings could potentially start up the fantasies in your mind and trigger you into new temptations to fall back into crossdressing, then please do not read the book. Know yourself, and know your limitations! I also warn readers that the descriptions of autosexuality in the book are at times graphic and disturbing, and I found it disturbing that the author was largely affirming or neutral of many of the forms of autosexuailty that I see as a break from reality, irrational, and significant mental health problems, which could also be dangerous.

How can I rate this book highly when I believe that Phil is leading people down a wrong path in their autogynephilia? Well, I chose to do that because I think the book’s primary intention is to understand autoheterosexuality. I agree with Phil on basically all of his analysis about autoheterosexuality and crossdressing from all that I have researched, studied, and reflected on myself over the years (which is considerable if you consider this page represents just a small fraction of all I’ve read on these topics). Do we have absolutely fundamental differences on how to help people who experience autoheterosexuality? Yes, for sure. Do we have radically different views on the meaning of life, God, and sin? Yes, for sure. But as a book that sets out first to explain autoheterosexuality to help people like me understand ourselves, this book gets a high rating from me.

Here are some additional things I appreciated:

• Phil cuts through a lot of the popular gender ideology currently rampant in our culture. That was a refreshing area of agreement between us. Phil is an ally in trying to make autogynephilia more known to the world, even as trans activists are trying to prevent people from learning about it.
• I felt like Phil was taking Blanchard’s and Bailey’s research to a new level. He has created new terminology in his book, but I found that the terms made sense and I hope they will gain wider traction. Someone has to create terminology to describe issues in human psychology. Why shouldn’t the terms be made by someone who actually experiences what is being described?
• In the book, Phil gave attention to autoheterosexual women, women who feel autoandrophilia. This was helpful as women usually get overlooked in this area, even at my own website which is mostly targeted to men with autogynephilia. I always welcome women to this website, and we have even had a woman in our recovery group. But the ones I’ve interacted with over the years have been few. It’s good for them to learn that they are not alone. They can also receive help.
• Autogynephilia was explained in great detail, beyond the basic element of sexual arousal that most people think of. Phil looked at the emotional and romantic and identity aspects as well. He even talked about how the crossdressed self can become like a spouse. I am in full agreement with him on those analyses. These are realities that many crossdressers avoid facing.
• Phil had a big chunk of the book which was about autosexuality in other areas besides sex/gender. He examined age, race, species, etc. He talked about people who are aroused by the idea of themselves being a different age, or a different race, or a different species, or being disabled. This part of the book I found disturbing and hard to read. However, it was extremely enlightening to see new connections between me and people who struggle in these other areas. Seeing how we are all connected under the broad umbrella of autosexuality was a huge insight. This was also helpful because many of the guys who come to this website for help with autogynephilia also struggle with autosexuality in other area at the same time. People do not choose to have these strange desires. Who would? Reading quotes from people in the book who experience these desires awakened in me a new compassion and empathy for them. I don’t want them to think their desires are good or healthy. I think they are extremely messed up (just like I am, just like we all are, we all need redemption in Christ!). But I do want them to know that I do not blame them for having the desires that they have. And I want to help them if I can. Perhaps some of the principles I have written about in blog posts could be helpful to some of them in an analogous way. The Church overall has learned to show empathy and compassion to those with same-sex attraction, and even to those with gender dysphoria. But I fear that Christians have often only been afraid of people with these other types of autosexuality, and often even mocked them when they come up in the news. We need to do better. We need to lead the way in showing understanding, compassion and love!

If you are interested in dialoguing further with other men and women who experience autoheterosexuality, there is a Reddit group for discussing these topics which the author Phil is also a member of. To join, you need to respect that the group is set up with the perspective that there is nothing wrong or unhealthy about autogynephilia or crossdressing. If you can respect that different opinion of the group, but still dialogue, you can find many interesting discussions and resources shared. Again though, if such conversations could be triggering to you and make you fall into temptation, then know your limits and don’t join. You can still discuss here in our various support groups and by commenting on articles and blog posts.