I am not surprised that some of our readers are skeptical that healing from crossdressing, autogynephilia, or gender dysphoria is really possible. Maybe they have tried to quit several times, but never been successful. Or they know the pain of their own dysphoria. I imagine some think that I, Barnabas, am an anomaly. I understand. I know the feeling of hopelessness many of you are feeling. But let me assure you I am not alone. I write this short post to give you some hope that change is possible for you.
Yes you CAN stop crossdressing. You can experience some degree of change in your sexual desires and gender longings. You can experience self-control. You can keep your marriage. You can stop fantasizing about crossdressing. You can live as a man. You can actually be happy living as a man, living as yourself. Change is possible. It is possible to stop crossdressing. You can find real lasting change as well as internal peace.
Does it take hard work? Yes. But healing is possible.
This website has been around for many years now. In that time I have talked to many men who have stopped crossdressing completely. Some have been Christians, and some have been atheists or from other religions. Some got help from us, but some had already overcome on their own or with help from a counselor or pastor. Some overcame it without ever telling anyone their secret. Just imagine if you are a man who struggled with crossdressing, but then overcame it. Would you spend time meeting other men struggling with crossdressing and post lots of articles online? Most likely not, unless he felt a great burden to help others, as I do. But the average man is going to move on with his life and try not to think about the crossdressing he used to be addicted to. I bet there must be thousands of men out there like this. Just because they don’t share their stories online, doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Some of these men have emailed me to share their stories 1on1.
In our recovery groups, people have come and gone over the years, but we are talking about hundreds of people who have been involved in our groups. Some people have left our recovery groups over the years but told us why they were leaving. Many were able to stop indulging their autogynephilia and find inner peace. They had also learned to stop crossdressing and live without it. They had experienced healing from the Lord in their hearts, minds, and bodies. And additionally some have experienced restored marriages. Most of these men have not written up their stories either, but a few of them have written posts here – guest posts. This is not to say that everyone still in our recovery groups is floundering and struggling. A lot of people in the groups are doing well but stay in the groups in order to help others, and to have accountability and reminders not to give in again to cross-gender longing or crossdressing.
Change is possible. I’m not making any cheap promises. This is not about conversion therapy or reparative therapy, which we soundly reject. This is not about “pray the autogynephilia away.” We don’t think God is going to give most of us a miraculous cure. See this post – Healing Doesn’t Mean No More Temptations. We don’t have a magic pill for you to swallow. But we can testify that some things really do work to bring about slow change. We focus on relying on the Lord Jesus and his love for us, getting to know him better and reading his Word. We work on saying “no” to the temptations when they come and over time they lessen in strength. We focus on learning self control. We try to learn about ourselves as much as possible to understand how autogynephilic desires operate in us. We cultivate contentment and self-acceptance of our bodies and identities, while working against envy. We focus on limiting opportunities to act out. And we focus on indulging our heterosexuality (pursuing our wives), rather than our autogynephilia. Making new daily habits, living intentional lives of purpose, and having regular accountability also all play a role in our recovery.
For some of us, crossdressing or related cross-gender activities like trans porn or sissy hypnosis are actually sexual addictions. It’s very hard to overcome an addiction, especially without help from others. We are not promising you this will be easy. But we are saying, in as clear of a way as possible, in opposition to all the pro-crossdressing and pro-trans websites on the internet, that CHANGE IS POSSIBLE!
Freedom can be had! It begins by acknowledging that you can change. I tend to think that if you don’t believe there is any hope for change, that you are setting yourself up for failure from the beginning. If you want to begin the process of change, (and it is a process, not a one-time event), you can get some good help from reading our website posts and other links. Please consider joining one of our recovery groups. Any questions or concerns? Feel free to comment below.
Yes change is possible but it is no easy road to follow. I was once free for three years and then slid back just before the pandemic. Initially the pandemic accelerated it, as I was bored. So underwear CD went up as did visits to fiction sites and fantasising. A few months ago wishing to I decided to quit (see other posts) and found this great website. As i think someone else said the act of stopping dressing is fairly easy, you just purge. I have done fairly well with the thought process as well by employing CBT techniques. However laying relaxing in the tub last night I just started playing with myself and the forced fem fantasy kicked in big style. Before completion I realised what I was doing and managed to stop by concentrating of a project I am planning.
This just reinforces the need to keep the guard up all the time, your mind is out to catch you in the lazy moments!
Thanks Keith. I think one of the important things to remember as we continue to struggle is that day by day, we really appreciate and enjoy the freedom of not living in bondage to crossdressing addiction. Yes, the times of abstinence may not be permanent. We may have a slip up here or there. Or even if we don’t give in, we may struggle with the desire to give in, or fantasy in our minds. Yet it’s good to take the failures, when we give in, as reminders of just how nice freedom is, just how nice life is without constant crossdressing. What I’m saying is that, often crossdressers look at a time of giving in after a purge as a sign that crossdressing will never go away and you should just fully give in. I look at it more similarly to an alcoholic. When an alcoholic gives in again and wakes up in the road, they remember just how destructive their addiction was, and how free they felt for the year they were enjoying being free from alcohol. The slip up failure then fuels them to do better recovery work and get more accountability so that they don’t give in again, because they far prefer their life of freedom and joy without alcohol, than their wreck of an alcoholic life.
Yes, we need to be vigilant. Keep reminding yourself of how good it is to be in control of your life and not stuck in addiction. That gives us motivation for shutting down those fantasies when they come. Not suppression, but more like, “I acknowledge I really want to think about x fantasy right now. But I am making a choice to not given energy to that right now.”
Amen! Change is possible. Transformation in our thinking, desires, behaviors, identity, spiritual condition, effects of the past, direction of the future, relationships..our entire personhood.