I read a book called – Divine Sex: A Compelling Vision for Christian Relationship in a Hypersexualized Age by Jonathan Grant – and I wanted to share with you some quotes and reflections related to crossdressing and hormones / neurotransmitters. In general, it’s a really helpful book looking at sexuality, pornography, marriage, and other issues.
“But infatuation has a short natural life cycle. Like the boosters on the space shuttle, it burns bright for a time and then falls away. This explains why we feel so “alive” in this early romantic stage and why people make such significant sacrifices – of careers, reputations, and existing relationships – in obedience to these feelings. The infatuation drug is so strong, Fisher explains, that anything associated with the object of our affection will seem to glow – his car in a crowded parking lot or her sweater over a chair. It explains why the grass seems greener when we “fall in love.” The second stage Fisher describes is the bonding experience of sexual intimacy. Besides the spiritual-emotional attachment that develops during these encounters, a strong physiological attachment also occurs. This, she says, is why there is no such thing as “casual sex.” Sexual climax releases a rush of certain neurotransmitters and hormones. The neurotransmitter dopamine intensifies the sensation of romantic love, while the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin deepen our emotional attachment to the other person. Oxytocin is also released when a mother breastfeeds a baby, which bonds mother to child. As Fisher explains, this is partly why we can experience such a strong sense of cosmic union with somebody after making love with them. The final phase of relational attachment is the deep sense of peace, warmth, and security we can feel with a long-term partner. This is the consolidation phase of a relationship, wherein the bond is deepened through emotionally warm experiences such as sharing a walk along the beach or watching a movie together.”
This was what I found to be the most interesting section in the whole book. It is clear that when you fall in love there is a lot going on with dopamine. But when a couple bonds together and stays together for a long time, the hormone vasopressin deepens the relationship. It cements the connection between the two people. What if something similar is going on in crossdressing? With the sexual rush of crossdressing, you get the dopamine release. And then as you continue in crossdressing, why wouldn’t we imagine that vasopressin is released? I don’t see any reason to think this wouldn’t be the case. A crossdressed male feels like the false woman he created is a real woman, and he is sexually attracted to her. And even if crossdressing has evolved in a person to no longer be sexual, there is still a feeling of comfort, peace, security, and warm feelings. Instead of, or in addition to, feeling a personal connection with a long-term partner or spouse, you feel a personal connection to your crossdressed self. Or you feel these feelings with both your spouse and with your crossdressed self. This would help to explain why so many crossdressers refer to their crossdressed self as if it really is a different person with a different identity.
It would also explain why so many crossdressers choose to keep crossdressing over an existing marriage, because they have cemented the bond to the crossdressed self, perhaps more than they have with the spouse. This would also explain why it seems so very impossible to quit crossdressing. For long term crossdressers, it would be like leaving a spouse you’ve been with for years. To leave voluntarily would seem near impossible, and you would continually be drawn to see that person again. Please give me your comments and thoughts about this. It makes sense to me. But I could not find any studies looking at the connection between crossdressing and vasopressin. Though it does appear that there has been a lot of research and/or talk about the relationship between crossdressing and oxytocin, which would perhaps amount to the same conclusion. From a quick perusal of crossdressing forums, it appears that most crossdressers realize there is this hormone release when they crossdress, and that it is the same kind of hormone release they would get if they were with a real woman. What I don’t understand is why they wouldn’t quit crossdressing and instead look for a wife, or spend time with the wife they already have. Addiction is powerful. Even when you understand that the alter ego is not real, and that it is just the woman you created that you are sexually attracted to, or are intimately bonding to, it is difficult to give it up.
Disconnected to the above, here is a really great quote from C.S. Lewis that was also shared in the same book:
“C.S. Lewis affirms this conviction that it is not the taming of desire that will set us free but rather the unleashing and enlarging of true desire: “It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
God’s will for our sexuality is what is best. He wants to offer us more, not less. But people still don’t understand. Crossdressers cannot understand the joy and happiness that I have, even though I gave up crossdressing. I hope one day they will understand and join me in my happiness.