Many people online have made the claim that I advocate suppressing your crossdressing desires. I do not actually make that claim. It is not healthy. We must acknowledge that those desires are there, and consciously choose not to act on them. If we just try to ignore the thoughts, sometimes that only makes them more powerful. And if we try to deny to ourselves that we really have such feelings, they will come out in an unhealthy explosion later. No, we should not suppress them. We need to acknowledge them, deal with them, understand them, and then choose not to act on them.
This article from – Your Brain on Porn – talks about to deal with temptations in a healthy way that does not involve suppressing them.
When I get tempted to crossdress, I use this “RAIN” approach from the article, without always consciously thinking about the acronym. I feel the temptation come. My body starts feeling weird and tense. I recognize that, yes, I do have a desire to crossdress. I then might even explore that desire. What am I really desiring? Do I desire to read crossdressing fiction? Do I want to wear women’s clothing? Or maybe I just am wanting a sexual release and crossdressing is the easiest way to get it? Or sometimes maybe it’s not about the sexual release, and something about the “femininity” is attracting me. So I don’t push the desire away. I think about it and try to understand the underlying motivations for that desire in that moment.
Once I understand it, then I choose to reject it, and apply the proper real solution. If it is that I’m bored, I find something productive to do. If it is that I need sexual release, I will plan time to be with my wife. If I am lonely, I will go spend time with God or another person. If I’m feeling stressed, I will find comfort in God’s Word. If I’m feeling bad about myself, and my masculinity, and desiring to be a woman, then I’ll combat the lies in my head with logical truths from God’s Word, about what it really means to be a man or a woman, and then seek contentment in the real situation I am in.
I think if many of you use this method, you will be able to calmly and rationally say “no” to temptations.
So there are certain things that affect me more than others. Sometimes when I’m with my wife in the mall I ask her to wear one of things that gets me excited. She wouldn’t wear it in her normal life because it’s not her style but I don’t think she minds trying it on because of the hope if I see her wearing it the arousal will then be linked to her wearing it instead of me wishing I could wear it. Do you think this is an appropriate way to release sexual tension or am I just feeding the fire?
I think this is a good thing yes, but watch yourself. Here is what I mean. It is very good and very appropriate to learn to enjoy seeing something on your wife rather than thinking about wearing it yourself. That is healthy, good, and right and a helpful aspect of recovery from crossdressing. Learn to enjoy say the look of your wife’s painted nails or your wife’s dress, rather than thinking about them for yourself. But it is possible to fetishize certain feminine objects, so that even when your wife is wearing them, you are not actually looking at her as a whole, as a real person, but rather you fixated on the object which is just on her, so she is more like a stand for that item. So watch yourself on that. Here is a post which may give more light – https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/lusting-after-feminine-objects/
and https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/crossdressing-and-female-sexual-objectification/
hey Barnabas can you pleaseee upload a blog about how to deal with autogynephilia lot of man struggling from it and hence they gave uo everything to it. for me crossdressing is just a fetish and tbh i dont even crossdress i just think that i am a wearing women clothes and masturbated , i have heterosexual feelings now but if i continue to gave up everything onto my fetish i think they will go and i will be bad for my future i am 16 rn . please tell ways to stop autogynephilia , no fap? or masturbate to heterofeelings if the person can i want to know:)
Avemag, great to hear from you. You are in the right place! That is what this website is about, helping people overcome the sexual addiction you just described, whether you call it autogynephilia, or whether you refer to it as transvestic fetishism. Please see my posts here – There is a lot for you to read –
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/all-blog-posts/
We also have articles written by others in our community which are very well worth reading –
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/guest-posts/
Maybe you can start here – https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/crossdressing-is-like-pornography/
The fact that the thoughts get in your head makes this such a tough thing to deal with. I was listening to an addiction expert online. He was talking about porn but I think this applies to cross dressing and other lustful issues. He said, If you are an alcoholic you can lock yourself in a room for 30 days and walk out sober. But if you are addicted to porn you can lock yourself in a room for 30 days and walk out the same or worse because the thoughts live in your head.
Jack,my husband is a Porn Addict and i have a good understanding of the subject but your comment is the most profound i have ever read. It’s 100% the truth and why so few will ever recover.
Can you please give me the link to where you found this please ?
I heard it listening to one of Dr. Trish Leigh’s podcasts. She is a neurologist who specializes in porn addiction. One of her guests, another addiction expert made this comment. I am now sure what episode it was on. I have listened to almost all of them. She has hundreds of videos on YouTube and really gets into the neuroscience of addiction. I will pray for you both.
the “your brain on porn” link is not working.
Thank you. I fixed it now.
Hello Aditya and Barnabas! I had a request. If it not an issue for Aditya and yourself, can we share personal discord or email I’ds with eachother. That way, we can have a virtual accountability partner and a person to share these thoughts with, who’s going through the same situation. Also, given our same backgrounds, we would be able to relate more and have analogous dialogues. Let me what you think.
no here is mine discord = lightsaberrrr#1180
You can also continue to discuss here over various posts. And you can use our forum as well (it’s not being used much right now, but you can feel free to change that)
https://forum.healingfromcrossdressing.org/
Definitely.