** Unfortunately since writing this article, the Expose MInistries website seems to be down. But I’ll leave up this article as some people might find the quotations useful. **
I’ve been reading some articles from the Expose ministries website. Expose ministries tries to reach out to wives who are struggling with their husband’s crossdressing or transgenderism. Here are about 10 articles related to crossdressing, transgenderism, the Christian faith, the Bible, and marriage. Much of what the articles say I agree with and have already written about.
The most interesting one for me was an article called “Cross-dressing, does it really matter?” The article says a lot, more than I can comment on right now. But there are three things I wanted to pick out to comment on that I thought were particularly interesting.
“Don’t let the world lie to you. You can never actually be a different gender. There is no fluidness in gender. God created male and female. period. The fantasy that you can actually become a woman is a lie. You will only ever be a plastic, reconstructed man who looks vaguely like a woman. If the Ethiopian cannot change his skin nor a leopard his spots (Jeremiah 13:15-27) why do we think we can change our gender? God loves those struggling with trans-genderism. He loves them enough to make a way for them to be rescued from their struggle.”
The verse about the Ethiopian not being able to change his skin color is very interesting. We believe that no matter what color your skin is, no matter what your “race” or “ethnicity” is, (whatever terms you want to use), you are still fully human and equal to others. We talk about how our different skin colors and body types are just different, but not better than another. Because of this, I think the common consensus in our culture is to accept the body you have and appreciate what you look like. There are some countries, for example in India, where people try to lighten their skin to look like Westerners. But I think most of us in the USA would say that there is something wrong about that and whatever you look like is just fine, and you shouldn’t try to look more white or look more black or more anything. Just be who you are. So when people like Michael Jackson have surgery to change the color of their skin, we think it’s kind of grotesque and a symptom of shame about one’s skin color. I can’t speak for others, but I would make a judgment and say that Michael Jackson should have accepted himself as a black man and not been ashamed of it.
So how does this relate to crossdressing or transgenderism? Well, I think it’s very interesting that our culture readily would admit that people trying to change their ethnicity are doing something wrong, and this shows some kind of identity confusion. It shows that they can’t accept who they really are, and maybe feel ashamed of who they are. And yet, when it comes to changing sex (an even more severe bodily and identity change), our culture seems to think its A-okay. Doesn’t the same logic apply? Don’t we still have to accept the body we were born with? Isn’t it still the result of identity confusion to try to change our body through surgery to try to appear as something different?
Another point in the article I thought was interesting was this:
“Cross-dressing betrays your promise to your wife: In Ephesians 5 we learn of Jesus’ devotion to the church. His sacrificial death and life is a model for how husbands are to love their wives, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” (verse 25) When you married your wife you promised “with all that I am and I that I have I honour you and will love you and cherish you all the days of my life”. You promised her this as a man. Almost all wives, when they discover their husband’s cross-dressing, will utter ‘But I married a man, I don’t want to be married to a woman’. Even if you only cross-dress on occasions, your wife will always know that there is a part of you that is not honouring, cherishing and loving her.”
Men, if you are going to crossdress or try to identify as a woman, you are breaking your marriage vows. Maybe you think you need to crossdress to be happy. Maybe you don’t think you can live without it. But if you end up doing it, especially if your wife does not want you to, you are not being faithful to your marriage vows. This makes you a covenant breaker and a liar. Your wife has every right to leave you or divorce you. The Bible says we can only divorce because of marital unfaithfulness. Trying to live as the opposite sex is even worse unfaithfulness than simple adultery. In one sense it is on par with adultery, because you are being with another woman (yourself in this case). But beyond just making a tragic mistake in a marriage, you are fundamentally altering the person you are (or trying to alter who you are). You are abandoning your role in the marriage as the husband, a man. A woman can choose to forgive adultery and love you anyway and you can move on together. But how can a woman remain married if she is being forced to be married to a woman or part-time woman?
The last point I want to comment on from this article:
“Cross-dressing destroys your fatherly role to your children: To whom are your children to turn to as a model of one who loves and walks confidently as a man? If you are dressing and acting like a woman, does this not communicate to your children that being a man is not sufficient? Both boys and girls need to observe men who are secure in their manhood. Boys need this as a model of whom they will aspire to be like. Girls need to feel loved by a man so they feel safe to trust men later in life. Manhood encompasses a huge variety of expressions – yet each man must ultimately find his confidence in knowing his Creator was not mistaken in his sexuality.”
I think this is a strong point. If you are crossdressing and your children find out, doesn’t that communicate to your child that being a male is not good enough? Doesn’t that show to your child that being a boy is not good? Doesn’t that communicate to your child that either males aren’t as good as females, or that males can only be truly human if they delve into femininity by crossdressing? If you were to tell your son that you have to crossdress to let certain of your personality traits out like sensitivity and gentleness, doesn’t that communicate to him that he is not allowed to be sensitive and gentle as a man, but only women can, or men who are crossdressed? If you think about this for a moment, you will see the harm that crossdressing can do to people in your life like your children. Children need a father, they deserve to have a father. Who will be their father if you abandon this role?
One other article to comment on by this same author is – “The Bible is not Silent on Transgenderism.” Here is one of the points:
“When the church makes its stand on declaring God’s truth concerning trans-genderism, the world will know that it is Jesus alone who has the power to set free those who are plagued by trans-genderism. The world knows it has no answer for those struggling with trans-genderism. They know that this condition is too intense, too consuming and too emotionally confusing to set right with the medical knowledge available to them. Their only solution is to manipulate the outer body so that it somehow aligns with what the inner mind demands. Yet they have not questioned whether it is the inner mind that is misaligned, for they have no method by which to change the mind. The Word of God alone has the power to transform the human mind.”
It seems in our culture people view the human soul or mind or both as unique and perfect. They think that God made our minds and souls how they are, and they are wonderfully unique and they can never be changed. I can’t disagree with this more. Since the fall into sin by Adam and Eve, all people are born flawed and crooked and messed up and mired in sin. That includes our soul, heart, body, spirit, and mind – everything that makes up a person by whatever definition you have. This means that whatever is going on in your head or soul isn’t okay. I don’t believe this is possible, but imagine you were really born with a female soul in a male body. Have you ever thought that maybe it is your soul that is wrong, and not your body? But the good news is that even though we are all born messed up, God in his grace forgives us for all of our sins if we trust in Christ. And besides his forgiveness, he works to bring healing from the brokenness in our lives. The solution is not to have surgery to alter your body. The solution is to let God transform your life, all of it – your spirit, mind, soul, and body. Coming to Jesus and growing in him transforms our minds slowly conforming them to what God wants for us. They won’t be perfect until Jesus returns to earth and makes us new, but we are slowly made more holy by the Holy Spirit as we grow in Christ.
Romans 12:2 – 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.