In our posts on this website, at times we’ve focused on what men and women have in common and vigorously attacked unhelpful gender stereotypes of our cultures, and even pointed out how such stereotypes contribute to desiring crossdressing and experiencing gender dysphoria. At other times we’ve focused on the fact that men and women are distinct, created differently by God for a reason, and those differences are beautiful. We should not blur the distinctions between men and women. We need to remain balanced by holding these two truths together at the same time.
Some in our culture have fallen into the error of denying sex differences altogether. This causes confusion and makes people wonder what it means to be a man or a woman. It results in men who don’t know how to be husbands or fathers. It results in women who don’t know how to be wives or mothers. It can cause people to believe that gender is meaningless. Identity confusion follows. Some have fallen into an opposite error of emphasizing sex differences too much. They may do this by trying to make general sex differences into universal differences that can be applied to every individual. This can cause people who do not fit in with certain specific stereotypes to question their sex, bodies, and identity. It may be the cause of gender dysphoria. Or people fall into the error of emphasizing sex differences too much by failing to note how men and women share the same traits but possess them in different degrees (men are generally stronger than women, but women can still have strength, it doesn’t mean they are “weak”). Failing to take that into account may result in sexist views or degrading one of the sexes.
Men and women are indeed created differently, with different roles, different biology, different bodies, and different temperaments. The differences are complementary and beautiful. On the other hand, the gender stereotypes of our culture are often too rigid and don’t allow for individual differences and uniqueness. Men can be generally like a,b,c,d, e, and women generally like f,g,h, i, j. But pick out a specific man and he might be c,d,e,f, g. Pick out a specific woman and she might be a,g,h,i, j. And men and women have many more traits in common than traits of difference. We are all humans called to follow Christ and exhibit the fruits of the Holy Spirit. To ignore our differences is an error, as it is equally an error to forget that we are mostly the same. We must stay balanced to avoid the gender confusion and pain in our culture.
I appreciate the book by Tim Keller called, “The Meaning of Marriage.” In it he has this quote about gender difference that I found very helpful:
“This means that single people within a strong Christian community can experience much of the unique enrichment of cross-gender relationships between brothers and sisters. It is my experience that it is nearly impossible to come up with a single, detailed, and very specific set of ‘manly’ or ‘womanly’ characteristics that fits every temperament and culture. Rather than defining ‘masculinity’ and ‘femininity’ (a traditional approach) or denying and suppressing them (a secular approach), I propose that within each Christian community you watch for and appreciate the inevitable differences that will appear between male and female in your particular generation, culture, people, and place.
Wait for them to appear, and know them. Talk about them among yourselves. Notice the distinct idols women have and men have in your generation, culture, and place. Notice the strengths women have and men have in your generation, culture, and place. Notice communication modes, decision-making skills, leadership styles, life priorities, and the balance of work and family. Once you see them, respect and appreciate them. Without the gospel, people often turn temperamental, cultural, and gender differences into moral virtues. This is one of the way we bolster our self-esteem – a form of ‘works-righteousness,’ a way to earn our superior status. And so men and women scorn and mock the other gender’s distinctive traits. But the gospel should remove that kind of attitude.”
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