I want to share a great idea. If you want to limit your crossdressing, both your actual practice, and your temptations, then grow a beard or a mustache. Here are a few of my thoughts.
On the one hand, having a beard or mustache seems like a stereotypically manly thing to do. But if you think about it, it’s a helpful thing to do, because in our culture and basically in all cultures, only men have beards and mustaches. So if you have one you will look like a man. And maybe that will help you to feel more like a man. Think about all of the things women are able to do to customize their appearance with clothing and makeup and jewelry. For us men, there is not much we can do. But customizing our facial hair belongs to men only. Take advantage of it. I don’t think there is any biblical requirement to have a beard, but I do think about how God clearly made males to have facial hair and not females, so why not trust in his design? Why remove the facial hair that he gave to us?
For those of us who love beauty and looking at our appearance (all crossdressers past and present I think), having a beard is a good thing. It’s a way to take pride in your appearance. Instead of taking an hour to put on makeup, take an hour to shave carefully, artfully crafting your facial hair. Take pride in your appearance in the few ways that you can as a man rather than trying to look like a woman.
Another benefit is that this will lessen your temptations. You can let your wife know that having a beard is part of your strategy for overcoming crossdressing. That way, if you shave your beard in order to crossdress, your wife will know. And if you crossdress while having a beard, I guarantee it won’t be as enjoyable. You’ll look much more like a man in a dress (which in actual fact, that is what you are). The deception of crossdressing in front of a mirror will be much less successful. You will not as easily be able to delude yourself that you look like a beautiful woman when you see that huge beard above the dress. Trust me, this helps. In the past, I remember I crossdressed with a beard, and the mental picture I got was enough for me to resist many more crossdressing occasions later on. A beard is also a good daily reminder that you actually are a man, and shouldn’t be trying to pretend you are a woman.
For me, my wife is more attracted to me with a beard. Maybe it will be the same for your wife. But If your wife is not attracted to a beard, explain to her the merits of it in your struggle for healing from crossdressing and she may go for the idea. It doesn’t have to be a big beard or mustache, just something small, a masculine touch.
Guys, there is not much we can do to limit crossdressing temptations in our highly sexualized culture in which we see women and pictures of women and clothing of women constantly. Here is one very practical small thing you can do.
Check out these websites to see just how many styles of beards you could have:
47 Best Short Beard Styles for Men of All Ages and Face Shapes
Before I read this post I did this. I am also growing my beard, I did it before and who of us does not shave before putting on a dress? well the important thing today is that I have taken the time to see myself in the mirror and in detail just as I did while dressed as a woman even though I don’t spend the same hours in the mirror. Today I do it to see myself as a man and value myself, to be honest I look much better as a man. Seeing myself as a woman is just a temporary fantasy and I have to hide, however with hair on my face I feel better and free than seeing myself with makeup and feeling shame and insecurity. Remember that what enters through the eyes is what in the mind and heart receives and stays there. That is why my obsession with wanting to see myself as a woman decreases when I appreciate and value myself by looking myself in the mirror as a man.
It’s so true. We shouldn’t be narcissistic or arrogant about ourselves or our appearances. But we are supposed to appreciate ourselves. After all, rejecting ourselves is rejecting God who created us. God is the artist and Creator. We need to appreciate the gift of who we are, body and soul.
Yeah, having a beard. It didn’t work for me.
I been CDing well over 40 years now and since I was about 20 or so. I have always have had a beard. No little beard, a huge beard that goes to the middle of my chest.
For me it’s not about looking or feeling feminine. I don’t fo make-up, shave my chest or wear a wig with my balding thinning hair.
To be honest, for me it’s a out the clothes and not the look.
I don’t care if I look like a fool to other people. Plus I have been dressing this way very openly for many decades.
I don’t see it as a my life and not someone else’s life.
Mind over matter I like to say.
Hi Dave, thanks for the comment. Know that you are welcome here even though you feel very differently about crossdressing than most of this community. I had a lot of interaction with another crossdresser who sounds very much like you – wanting to wear the clothes, but not trying to look like a woman, and I think he had a beard too. What do you get out of crossdressing? Is it a sexual turn on or something that comforts you or what?
For us who have given up crossdressing, having a beard helps to reduce temptation, but it doesn’t take temptation completely away. It’s only part of a larger strategy to live a life without crossdressing.
You know I am not sure why I do crossdressing. I just been doing it so long. That it just feels normal, like brushing your teeth every day.
I dont do it for a sexual fetish. I just reached a point to where I gave up trying to stop trying to give it up.
I just came to the conclusion that it has always been a part of me and who I am.
I do not want to be a female. I like being a man and having my man parts. I just like the way women’s clothing looks and feels. I like the bright colors and the cut of them. I love the feel of the different fabrics and flow of female clothing.
Dave, that is interesting. Let me challenge you a bit though. I understand it may not be a sexual fetish for you. But there has got to be something deeper going on than simply enjoying the cut of the clothes. In my opinion. Here, read these posts and let me know what you think:
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/they-are-just-clothes-right/
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/integration-and-contentment/
Here’s my main point. If it was true that it was just about liking the clothes, you could easily stop. Yet you pointed out that you tried stopping and you couldn’t. If I really liked a certain shirt, but my wife really didn’t, I’d stop wearing it, and it wouldn’t consume my thoughts or make me feel bad. There is something far deeper going on than simply liking the clothes if you cannot give it up.
What need is crossdressing meeting for you which is not there when you don’t do it? Does it make you feel safe? Does it give you comfort? Does it help you to let out certain personality traits that you otherwise don’t let out when not crossdressing?
Thanks for the good discussion
I also have had a beard for a number of years, the wife likes it. However like Dave, a beard did not stop me crossdressing. I mostly CDed in private anyway and rarely with make up – bit of lippy maybe and some clip on earrings. However I loved the feel of tights (pantyhose to you) or stockings, a bra and either dress or skirt and blouse. I loved the feel of the skirt around my legs and the tug of the bra straps, a constant reminder of what I was wearing. The few times that I have been out in public was before I had the beard. I certainly would not go out in public in a dress with a beard, I would just die of shame and humiliation. (or get beaten to a pulp).
Its now been over 6 months since I divorced my femme self and cut up all her clothes. I have not really missed her so far, but know that she is lurking in a corner of my mind somewhere. The itch to read fictionmania or watch porn is quite strong at the moment – lock down boredom!
Keith, I’m sorry for the temptations you are facing right now, that’s hard, especially during lock-down! Remember the commitment you made to yourself, and remember why you made it. Keep reminding yourself of who you want to be, remind yourself of your life goals. Remind yourself of what crossdressing was leading to in your life, what an addiction it was, etc. It’s easy to rationalize giving in by forcing those other thoughts out of your mind. We need to keep reminding ourselves of why we quit. All of us have many swirling conflicting desires. I want to eat ice cream every day, but I don’t want to be unhealthy, so instead of eating the ice cream, I remember my more important goal of being physically healthy.
I encourage you to read this post, as I think this is the big solution for the lock-down so you don’t give in – https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/get-a-hobby/