About the Author
This article is written by TJ. This is TJ’s first guest post. TJ says about himself – “I first became exposed to crossdressing when I was 16 years old, and for many years used underwear mostly as a tool for sexual relief. But I had always viewed women, especially beautiful ones, as somehow superior to me, and men in general. Later in life this gradually became more of an obsession. ”
How to Overcome Temptation
Like many others I suppose, I seem to do okay when I am NOT tempted. In fact, I have gone several months (even nearly a full year), during which I’ve experienced little to no temptation. And when that type of long-term experience occurs, quite naturally I suppose, I think I’ve moved beyond the problem. But such is, unfortunately, NOT the case. Because I simply wasn’t really that tempted. But what about when the temptation comes, as it quite inevitably will? What then?
I recently have been going through some major marital issues, and in fact, am almost at the place where I don’t even care what happens any more. My wife has asked me many, many times for my permission to divorce. It’s weird. She is a believer, knows it’s wrong (in that we have no biblical justification for a divorce – something we both did in our first marriages, and have no desire to repeat) – so she says, we can just separate and live alone for the rest of our lives. In other words, we can experience joyous celibacy. Sure. Right. Just what I want… Even now, she is out of the house for 2 weeks, here for 2 weeks, and so on. This will continue for several months. If I just say the word, she will file the papers, and it will be over. So our 17 year marriage is hanging by such a tentative thread right now…
So I mention the above not to get into my marriage issue at this time, but only to illustrate an example of a triggering issue that can cause stress and tempt us to give in to sin. And my temptations have came back with a roaring vengeance. In fact, while experiencing the roller coaster of emotions that a divorce would entail, I suddenly experienced an almost overwhelming desire to do everything in the way of crossdressing, some things that I had never even thought about before. And it seemed like I just HAD to do it. Even though I was quite fully aware of how wrong this was (for the many reasons of which most of us are quite aware) – I simply – did – not – care. Enough already. At first, I planned to go get a full makeover at some boutique CD salon about 90 minutes from my home. But then something happened that stopped me. Actually, a few things…let me explain.
First off, please note that prior to all this, I had been praying quite a bit to the Lord. About 3-4 weeks ago, I was driving up to a friends house to do a construction project (I’m a handyman, and do all kinds of remodeling on a part time basis). I was making the 1 hour drive to my latest job, and I prayed something like the following: “Lord, you know I want a closer walk with you. Now, whatever you need to do to make that happen is fine with me – even if it means impacting my health.” And that was about the gist of the prayer, and then I forgot about it.
After perhaps 4-5 hours, when I was perhaps 95% finished, I suddenly tripped over a power cord, though I didn’t fall completely. Immediately I felt this EXPLOSION of pain in my left ankle! I saw a brick on the ground, and as I was quite near a 6 foot fence, I became very angry that my friend had “perched” this brick on the fence, and somehow it had fallen, edge first, directly on my ankle. He looked at me, quite confused, and said, “what in the world are you talking about? That brick has been on the ground for months. You just stumbled. That’s all!”
Well, I could not even walk for a full hour, the pain was that intense. Finally, while getting a great amount of assistance from him, my ankle badly swollen, I finished the job, quite painfully got into my car, and drove home. I learned the next day that I had ruptured my Achilles tendon, and had to have surgery a week later.
So let’s go back to that moment where I said I simply did not care. I had had the surgery, and I had an appointment for a post-op check, one week after the surgery. My plan was to head up to the CD boutique after the appointment. My intention was to visit the salon, check out the many CD clothes they had advertised, and then make an appointment for when the makeover would happen at a convenient time. My decision was made.
But during my examination, the doctor became quite concerned. He said that because I had put my weight on my foot too soon, it looked like the surgery may have failed. I had experienced no pain after the first surgery, but my shoulder was killing me from the crutches. So I had tested it, and walked very carefully on it, which was a mistake!
The doctor scheduled an emergency MRI. Suddenly my plans for the boutique visit were killed. That same day, I had to wait some 3 hours for the MRI, and when that was finally over, I heard that the surgery had indeed failed. I learned that I had to have a much more complicated operation later. (I have since completed that second surgery and now my recovery is going to take a whole year).
But well before that 2nd surgery occurred, later that evening after the appointment when I got the MRI, I received an e-mail from Barnabas, in which he provided a link to a reading list, and also to an article that just FLOORED me when I read it. And the point of the article was really all about temptation, and why we – just – cannot – seem – to – resist it, so much of the time. You see, as I said above, we’re sort of okay when we can skillfully avoid temptation, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But there is another side that we very, very much need to think about, and please trust me, it will do much to help you resist that temptation when it comes, and it always does, sooner or later, especially in times of great stress.
I have included the link to that wonderful, amazing article below, which I’m certain that many of you are rather curious to read! (I have probably read it 50 times at least). The ultimate point is, that if we cannot learn to appreciate, and enjoy our Lord we will turn our worship to something else. We will do this if the Bible gets boring, or we get tired of the Church, or prayer, or spending time with God. This is because we are not autonomous. We simply MUST serve, or ultimately worship something. And if it is not God, trust me, it WILL be something else. It is amazing to think of the whole crossdressing thing as a form of worship, isn’t it? It is kind of disgusting actually. But when you get right down to it, that is what it is. We don’t resist the temptations because the Lord is, from our broken perspective, either too small, distant, powerless, uninteresting, uninvolved, (whatever – fill in the blank), so that the other thing becomes so much more attractive. Especially when we’re in pain. We don’t go to him, no way. We turn to IT instead. And then we fall again…
The main purpose of this post is to emphasize that you should read this article so it can help you as it helped me. If we worship ourselves and not God, our impulses and desires will win out over his warnings and promises in the moment of temptation. Here is the link: