By Simon Peter:
Like most of those who have struggled with the affliction of crossdressing, my own personal experience began when I was about 5 or 6 years old. It was spurred on by some form or another of playing “dress-up” with my sister, and being affirmed into doing it more than once by my mother. I can only speculate as to why this became a lifelong affliction of mine, but if I had to guess, it would be because of the affirmation I received along with receiving a form of sexual stimulation from the act of dressing up, even at such a young age. To this day, crossdressing has been a lifelong affliction, and I have struggled with it for almost 16 years now. But, I digress.
As I got older, and the concept of crossdressing was no longer deemed “cute” by my mother, it became less acceptable for me to do so publicly. That’s when I started dressing in secret, through borrowing the clothes of both my mother and my sister. These periods of secret would occur when I knew that I was home alone, and would only end after I either got uncomfortable, or if I knew time was running out. Again, the concept of crossdressing has always had a sexual component for me, and it was further reinforced for me the older I got. However, when I started to reach my teenage years, I discovered pornography, and that’s when crossdressing halted in its tracks for at least a little while. It was through pornography that I had discovered a new way to receive sexual stimulation, and I was more preoccupied with the women on my screen than I was the woman I was trying to create in my own life. Yet, that only lasted a short period, as I soon thereafter discovered that I could merge the two different worlds of gratification to receive extreme amounts of it. I was about 17 when I started crossdressing and watching pornography simultaneously and those acts continued for quite some time, up until about 6 months ago, in fact.
As I was battling my own personal demons and afflictions as a teenager, I also started coming back to Jesus through a church that I was going to. I believe that I gave my life back to Christ (or perhaps even gave my life to Christ for the first time) at 17 through a lot of realization of how broken I was. I’d love to say that I was automatically cured from my crossdressing after coming to Christ, and starting to walk more in step with Him, but, in my own experience, God doesn’t magically turn off afflictions simply because you started following Him, and simply because you want the afflictions to end. And no greater do I know that than through my own story, and my own battles that followed after finally coming to Christ.
After I graduated high school, I went to college at one of the local universities, where I had no idea who I was outside of the small town I grew up in. Amazing godly things happened when I left for college, like finding a group of Christ followers and a place I could call “home”, and coming clean with a group of men about my problems with pornography. I’m so grateful for God blessing me with those people. However, with going to college came a more liberal understanding of identity in a lot of college students, and I started to experience thoughts that I was very uncomfortable with. Essentially, I knew that I had crossdressed a lot in my life, namely for sexual gratification, but I didn’t understand why. And given that college is stereotypically known as a place to “find yourself”, I started looking for answers, and in the process, falling down larger and larger rabbit holes.
I was 19 when I first started experiencing thoughts that I absolutely disagreed with. They weren’t extremely strong thoughts, but they were present in the back of my mind. These thoughts were something along the line of “You crossdress, and therefore you must be a transgendered individual” or “You want to be a woman because of your crossdressing tendencies.” And, when they were weak, I easily dismissed them, refuting them with the argument that “God made me this way, and that’s good enough for me. I don’t need to change who I am because I was created to be a man.” However, over time, these intrusive thoughts that were unwelcome in my mind became stronger, and they eventually culminated in the summer of 2020 through an exceptionally bad spiritual low following a spiritual high. This culmination of spiritual lows and bouts of crossdressing started to solidify the fear that I had grappled with in the past year or so: That I was potentially a woman because of my crossdressing tendencies.
That thought, and those that followed it, broke me. I was so anxious, scared, and overcome with fear that it started to be hard for me to eat and eventually sleep due to the overwhelming thoughts in my brain. It was the only thing I could focus on, and it felt like everything I knew came crumbling down in front of me. I kept looking for proof that I was a man, and when I found “proof” that I had latent transgender tendencies, I became more and more frightened. Out of a faux form of “accepting” the thoughts, I almost “came out” to my father one night, where, while he said he’d still love me, he wanted me to still be me (which was the best thing that I needed in that moment, because I realized that I still wanted to be me). And it was really after that moment that I started actively seeking out help shortly after, which is how I found this site, and how I started going to counseling for my crossdressing and intrusive thoughts. And it was through actively seeking help through both this site and counseling that I found a sense of contentment.
Through this site, I found a sense of solidarity. There were other men out there like me, who have grappled with crossdressing for much longer than I, and who came out conquering the problem (and they were even Christian, which was even better!). It is through these men, and joining the email forum, that I was able to calm down after exceptionally bad bouts of intrusive thoughts. The people within the group helped me through these horrible thoughts that plagued my head through their own advice, accountability, and (in some cases) tough-loving when I needed it. I am forever grateful for God allowing me to discover this site, and I don’t plan to leave any time soon, because they’ve truly helped me.
Through counseling, I found a better sense of contentment in myself. My counselor helped me to discover why I may have started crossdressing, and he elaborated that the thoughts I had, while they were specific to me, were a byproduct of a mental health condition known as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Essentially, due to the very nature of OCD being an illness that feeds and festers on doubt, my brain had made the connection that I was afraid of uncertainty, and started producing thoughts in my head that I wasn’t actually certain of my gender. And, because of this, I was freaking out mainly due to the alleged uncertainty of the situation, having been told that gender was simply a social construct, and that I could be whatever I wanted to be by my local university. It was through this that my counselor told me outright that he didn’t think I was transgender, and that I was simply struggling with an anxiety disorder that was simply reinforced by my crossdressing tendencies.
Dealing with intrusive thoughts was not an easy feat. I still to this day get intrusive thoughts, although they are not nearly always about my gender or my sex. It took a lot of understanding and researching both on my own and in counseling for me to realize what was best for my intrusive thoughts. And, given that my OCD was based upon intrusive thoughts and uncertainty, the best course of action for me was to take a middle road approach. In this approach, whenever an intrusive thought would crop up in my head, I would say to myself “Maybe I am transgender, and maybe I’m not. Either way, I’m not going to do anything about it, and God will do what is best” which worked extremely well. Again, given that OCD feeds upon my uncertainty of a situation, there are still days where I get intrusive thoughts about my gender, but they don’t nearly impact me as much as they used to because of the aforementioned phrase I used. Which ultimately, that’s what working through OCD has been about for me. I may never be able to eliminate the intrusive thoughts themselves, but if I can sit through a bout of them unbothered, then I have truly overcome them.
The further I got into dealing with my intrusive thoughts, the less I tolerated crossdressing tendencies in my life. I would genuinely be in situations where I struggled with crossdressing, and they’d immediately stop due to a bout of several intrusive thoughts. And, through these, realizing that I did not want to be a woman, I could not continue with my actions. That has only strengthened as time as gone on, and while the casual temptation to engage in crossdressing behavior is still there, I am simply unable to tolerate it any longer because the act of crossdressing or indulging in crossdressing-related pornography or fiction (sometimes) induces intrusive, frightening thoughts about my gender identity. Perhaps that is a blessing in disguise for me, and God used my OCD/intrusive thoughts for that purpose (pardon me if that’s not something scripturally sound, but that’s simply what I’ve come to believe and speculate about).
Regardless, that has been my journey with crossdressing so far. The things that have helped me the most in this journey and struggle have been this group, counseling, and masculine figures in my life. I’m not saying that the problem is immediately going to go away, and perhaps it may never go away. However, I am saying that God will put people and things in your life for a greater purpose than what you may believe, even if you think the things in your life are horrid. For me, the anxieties and intrusive thoughts, while they are horrid, have been a way for me to rid myself of crossdressing habits that I had developed and indulged in for far too long. Likewise, the group and counseling, while stigmatized as being for “the sick” or “unwell” have helped me come to terms with my own masculinity and identity. I may not be hyper-masculine like some of the men I know, but that’s okay. I am still a man because I identify as such and because God created me in His perfect image, and in that image, I am a man. It’s really because of God’s own intervention in my life that I was able to find myself and be more secure in myself, and for that, I am forever grateful.
Written by Simon Peter
I want to know how a heterosexual man can enjoy dressing like a woman unless you are gay. If you are attracted to women as a heterosexual, why would a man want to look like a woman? I believe it’s more gender dysphoria because even though I married someone of this persuasion, we haven’t had sex in 16 years.. so what exactly is he doing?
Having read the post, and having checked your reply, I’m unsure the correlation between your comment and the guest post. Can you please elaborate as to its relevance so we can have a more productive discussion? Thanks.
Tess, I know it seems super strange. But most crossdressers are not gay. There are lots of reasons that men crossdress even if they are not gay. But for most of us, let me summarize the main reason. By dressing up, we can have sexual pleasure from the make believe woman that we create, rather than a real woman. This is why crossdressers spend so much time in front of the mirror.
Gender dysphoria can be a big component for many as well. For others, it begins as something they do for sexual pleasure, becoming really an addiction, which gradually leads into more confused identity, more gender dysphoria, and finally ultimately to living as a woman. For many others, it’s always just a sexual turn on, or something they do for emotional comfort, which never becomes mixed with gender dysphoria.
Here is a post for wives of crossdressers which will help you to understand what is going on –
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/giving-pastoral-care-to-a-crossdresser/
Here is a post about a book by a psychologist analyzing different types of crossdressers and their motivations.
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/book-recommendation-the-man-who-would-be-queen/
Tess, you aren’t alone. It sounds like your marriage is very similar to mine. I’m sorry.
Hi Tess, I wanted to add my personal struggle with crossdressing as yet another reason why a straight man may very well struggle in this area. By God’s grace alone, I’ve been largely free of this for a couple years now, but for almost my entire life leading up to that point it was a serious problem, and I had absolutely no desire for men sexually (just imagining that grosses me out, haha).
Unlike many others, I couldn’t stand seeing myself in a mirror while dressed so I avoided them as best I could. I had no interest in developing some female persona or another name either. I was very glad to be a man and had no desire to be a woman and no desire to be intimate with a man (seriously, grossing me out as I type). So, why did I do it? The question of my life…
Between a girl dressing me up when I was really small (2-4yrs old), being simply too curious while doing my family’s laundry around puberty, and then being tired of having expectations placed on me and wanting someone else to be in charge, I found myself very attracted to the idea of a woman dressing me up. The main attraction was the imaginary woman, honestly, but the idea of her telling me what to do (especially something so embarrassing as dressing up in her clothes) was especially arousing. Sometimes though, a woman wasn’t needed as I was obsessed just with the way women’s clothing felt (material, “fit”, etc.), to the point where I’d wear women’s clothing to bed just to sleep in them (not to strut around or anything like that).
Anyway, just another perspective on how women’s clothing may be attractive to a straight guy. Not that it makes total sense (sexual perversions generally don’t), but it’s true in my case nonetheless.
I can only imagine how difficult your situation must be… I’ve occasionally imagined where I may have ended up if God hadn’t stepped in when He did, and I wouldn’t wish anyone the harm of marrying that future self of mine. I hope, for your sake and your husband’s, that God rescues him from this behavior like He did with me and redirects him to the wonderful blessing that God gave us in sexual intimacy in marriage.
Not to give your husband an excuse (it’s hardly good for him), but I feel bad for him in the midst of all of this. I know what it’s like to be stuck in this, how hard it is to get out when you want to, and how easy it is to get to a point when you don’t even want to get out anymore. Praying for you both right now.
Hi Tess. My answer to you is basically that humans are very complicated. I totally agree that “gender dysphoria” is the correct diagnosis for us. But you are assuming that we cross-dress for the ‘external’ purpose of attracting men. Maybe some of us do, but in my case, originally, it was responding to an internal need to feel like a girl. Or maybe I feel like a woman and the CD aligns my bodily sensations with that internal feeling. Put another way, I have less interest in “looking” like a woman than in feeling like a woman.
I am an outlier in this group in that after discovering my secret (through my own carelessness, not a voluntary coming-out), my wife was fully accepting and that greatly intensified my romantic feelings for her, including physical affection. As for our sex life, the drugs have basically eliminated my sex drive, so, as I said … it’s complicated.
Well I cannot imagine being a man doing this unless There is a homosexual tendency. I mean I’m a very passionate woman. And have been told by others I’m sexy. My husband never tells me this and never makes love to me. 16 years. He has “stuff” around the house that I’ve ended up throwing away to Goodwill. I’m afraid to look anymore. I don’t think I can handle it. He was never active or open. All private.
We’ve done the counseling together. I have to accept this is a part of him? He’ll have to accept I stray. Period.
I’m sorry for the pain you are going through. Every person is different, so I don’t know what tendencies your husband has. But from my research it’s extremely common for crossdressers, who are heterosexual, to stop being able to be turned on by real women, and only turned on by crossdressing. I think they can get help and change and have sex with real women again. But for those who have dealt too long into their addiction, their crossdressing, their paraphilia becomes far stronger than heterosexual sex, and it’s not because they are gay.
There are people with other paraphilias who have the same issue. Men who can’t get aroused without wearing a diaper, men who can’t get aroused without fondling high heels, men who can’t get aroused unless their is masochism involved. From my research, people who get help with paraphilias, including crossdressing, can experience a great amount of change, and can live healthy sex lives without the paraphilia. But if your husband doesn’t desire to change or work at it, of course he will stay in the same rut he is in.
I don’t think he should accept that part of him, nor should you. Change is very possible. But I know it’s incredibly hard when you want your spouse to get help and change and the spouse is not willing.
Tess, I’ve just realized I know you!! HI! I just want to remind you to keep your focus on Jesus, not on the negativity with your husband. God loves you SO much despite the awful choices your husband makes. Let your thoughts be filled with the good He’s given you. Big hugs to you! <3
This might seem strange , but my extreme interest in crossdressing or heading toward trans came from an extreme lack of physical passion ( kissing etc ) , Totally Not my wife’s fault because of her physical handicaps . It was a way to Not look to another woman for physical compassion ( adultery ). But God will not tolerate my diving into fantasizing and further sinful involvement by chastising by the Holy Spirit .
Resist, thank you for the comment. What you are writing about I think is quite common. For most crossdressers they have replaced being attracted to physical women, or the physical woman of their wife, and replaced it with an attraction to the made up fake woman, the crossdressed self. Here is a good article to read on this – http://www.tbuckner.com/TRANSVES.HTM
Let me say that there is a lot of hope to change. Although it might not seem like you could be attracted to real women, rather than crossdressing, at heart we crossdressers are still heterosexual, buried beneath all of the conditioning we have went through to make ourselves so attached to crossdressing. We can decondition ourselves to crossdressing and learn to be attracted to real women again. It is a process, but so many in this community have experienced such changes.
Resist, I find what you say intriguing. I too have found that periods where I am able to express physical affection and attraction to a woman (namely a girlfriend), my desires diminish. I wonder if there’s a correlation.
Simon , I think you guys misunderstand , what I see is that most of us who have trans feelings have an extreme romantic attraction to women , but fantasize trans-dressing so as not to commit adultery .
To complete my comment which was for Christians only , for I have absolutely no understanding or judgment about non Christian trans-dressing being trans . People should understand cd-ing is not just cd-ing , it devolves into actually feeling trans . Warning -the activity of trans and trans-cd is a Devolving Activity for Christians with No Bottom , just like we took a bite of the forbidden fruit of feminine sensuality knowledge from Eve in the garden and we’re stuck with it . My very few trans dressing times were extremely minimal but my wish and desire to trans-cd was maximum having a few physical feminine characteristics . I could not belong to cd-ing blog sites fantasizing for more than a week without a holy guilt to cancel membership and leave for good . I know how to not look at them with all the T-girls who pass , I know how not to read trans-fiction . I now do not cd- trans-dress and have no femme clothes – , But I don’t know how to not feel transfeminine , it’s a very bad door to have opened .
On my last comment I must say there is hope , if you are here on this blog that means you have opened the door of femininity CD trans-dressing , either fantasizing or actually , you can shut that door completely , it can close completely in the future , with much prayer which is needed the door closes little by little and will completely shut . You will now be educated in fighting against CD trans-dressing and trans to be a public activist against this evil demonic addiction . Some sins require much prayer and fasting .
Dear Resist
As an avowed Athiest I would just like to make a gentle comment on your post of the 8th July where at one point you say “Most people are Biblically Illiterate and Atheist and Lost”
Biblically illiterate? whose bible? The Old testament? The New testament? The Koran? The Verdas or any of the other myriad religious texts in the world.
Most people are Athiest? Really? I believe that if you account for all the worlds religions, there are significantly more religious souls in the world than athiest. Maybe not all are as adherent as yourself, but nontheless.
Being an athiest does not make me a bad person, I just have different beliefs to yourself but am open to all views – which I believe is a central tenant of christianity. I also like many CD athiests just wish to be free of this addiction.
I am glad for you that you have a strong faith and beliefs but open your heart and mind to other possibilities. Be at peace.
Dear Keith on on July 11, 2021 ,
I am speaking ONLY to Christians on this Christian Blog and what we see in the United States .
Keith , if you put your hand into boiling water and I told you ” No , that’s not Hot it’s Cold ” you’d Know to say that’s insane , Well you said – ” but open your heart and mind to other possibilities. “That is the same thing for a Christian – Insane – because our faith is not a religion , It is Exclusive , there is No other Truth then God sending His only Son Jesus to Earth to show us the only way to be saved from the Eternal darkness of Hell when we die . Christianity is an Exclusive Living Faith , it’s Not a religion , it’s Not a particular church , it’s having the living individual presence of the Holy Spirit which NO ONE can have who has not been Born Again .
Maybe when you’re sitting quietly for a while one day thinking of Trans- dressing feeling Trans , you might get a split second glimpse out of the very corner of your eye of one of the encouraging effeminate trans-Demons if you’re lucky .
Resist, this blog is not only for Christians. And as followers of Jesus, we should follow Jesus’ example to show love and compassion to those who don’t know him, welcoming them with open arms. Keith is just as welcome here as you. This website is for people like him too. It’s good to discuss and debate, but with kindness and patience. Thank you
Sincere, thank you for this post!
Thank you for your interjection Barnabas.
I am sorry if I have upset you Resist, you are obviously not interested in discussion so I will leave you in peace.
No Keith , You didn’t upset me , Barnabas is right , and I’m glad you’re here. I wish more guys like you were here , there are so few looking for help , we have a Lot in Common and striving to overcome these forbidden desires is paramount .
Thank you Resist for that great comment. Let’s continue to discuss peacefully together. Keith, I forget, have you read some of the Bible before?
Barnabas , After much time visiting some CD-ing / Trans blogs online and have belonged to one , I find it easy to understand and almost accept Non-Christians who are Trans & CD-ing and happy and I like most of them . But I have Been SHOCKED at Trans CD-ing people who claim to be Christians with No Guilt so they Do Not at this time have the presence of the Holy Spirit ( not Born again ) which means they do not belong to Jesus and are not Christian . Now God’s Word makes it crystal clear , that God will not hear the prayers of a man living in effininate ( trans-cd sin ) until they ask for forgiveness and stop .
Resist, unfortunately there are many such people claiming to be Christians while living in sin. It always has been this way and always will be. They will be sorted out in the end at the time of the judgment. Some who claim to know Christ, he will say, “I never knew you.”
But let me encourage you. There are a lot more Christians out there rejecting crossdressing then it looks like. We have tons of them in our prayer group for example. It is those that love their crossdressing who are blogging about it and being so vocal about it. But the ones who are rejecting it and overcoming it, usually don’t go out and make blogs or youtube channels or flickr accounts.
Resist, I will pray for you. Have you talked to your pastor about the depression you feel?
No , It’s only for a few days when I comment on this subject , evil doesn’t like being exposed .
Thank you for praying . Now getting close to threescore and ten , and knowing the Lord since a young kid , one gets to know something about evil , I wish I didn’t know .
Thank you for sharing your story, Simon Peter. It sounds like you’ve learned a lot about yourself…good work! I will be praying for you.
If possible I would like to correspond with Simon Peter. Our life stories are so much alike and I would like to join the email forum he mentioned for support.
Hi Greg, here is the link to join the prayer group – https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/prayer-group/
I’m sure Simon will respond to you here
Greg, correspondence would be great. I look forward to emailing with you shortly!
Also looking forward to it. I work Wednesday,Thursday and Friday so it might take a little bit for me to correspond. I really need this. Thanks.
As far as crossdressing is concerned , what God says in the Bible is very clear , thus having Food and Covering to protect from the elements and shelter be therewith content , So it is a sin for women to wear high heels and dress sexy and so the same sin for a man , I say Run from any church where women dress sexy and wear high heels in or out of church !
Resist, I’m trying to understand your comment but am not understanding clearly. Can you elaborate? Where in the Bible does it say it is sinful to wear high heels? What passage do you think teaches the principle that it is wrong to dress attractively? I’d love to discuss more with you. I very much appreciate my wife dressing attractively. I enjoy seeing her each day as she dresses in beautiful ways and I count that as a delight that God has given me, part of the beautiful creation God has made, making men and women different, and finding beauty in those differences.
Women , the Bible says need to be MODEST All The Time , for example as the Puritan women were Dressed .1 Timothy 6:6-8 KJV -But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and Raiment ( Basic Clothing against the elements ) let us be therewith content.1 Timothy 2:9-10
In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in MODEST apparel, with Shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; ( ALL THE TIME )
James 3:15This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, SENSUAL , Devilish. Jude1:19King James Bible
These be they who separate themselves, SENSUAL, having not the Spirit.
Romans 8:4 says that Christians “do not walk according to Flesh
Galatians 5:19Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, SENSUALITY ,
Yes , high heels with or without short dresses are Sensuous .
Baranabas maybe you were kidding when you asked me that question .
Thank you for your response. No I was not kidding at all. Those passages are very much true Scripture that Christians today need to abide by. But cultural patterns of dress are different everywhere in the world. The important thing is not to literally just avoid braiding of hair, but to see what is immodest in a particular culture and avoid that thing. The principle stands firm, but it gets applied differently in different cultures. High heels are sensual to you, that doesn’t mean they are to everyone in every place.
We also have to be careful not to read these passages with our own cultural biases, rather than understanding the intention of the author. In some of these cases, the authors are more concerned with modesty in an economic sense, not a sexual sense. Most of the churches had a mixture of rich and poor, and it was not right for the rich to flaunt their economic status with their expensive clothing. They were to dress modestly. We have to pay attention to the economic aspect as well as the sexual aspect. In modern American culture, gold and pearls might remain costly, but certainly braiding hair is not costly anymore.
In every culture there are different things that are modest or immodest sexually. It is not appropriate to make a law to say that “dresses of such and such a length are purely evil and wrong everywhere in all times and places.” Think about Amish communities or strict Muslim communities. They have extremely modest clothing. Women in Islamic nations you can’t even find a scrap of skin except maybe the eyes. But you know what happens? Because of being in that culture a long time, some small piece of skin revealed can be really sexually enticing, because people aren’t used to it. My point is that no matter how strict you go, you don’t take away the fact that women are attractive to men. You can’t do away with it. That’s why men need to learn self-control. The female body is sensuous period, not just high heels or short dresses. You cannot get away from that. And the male body is sensuous to women.
The main point is that in all these passages women are not to aim at external beauty or high social status due to their wealth (both big problems today), but rather to more prioritize inward beauty, character, growth in Christ. But that doesn’t mean they need to care nothing about their looks, just the same as with men. We need to get our priorities straight, which is to care more about our spiritual life than outward beauty, but outward beauty is not bad, as Scripture talks about in so many places. I encourage you to read Song of Songs, and also to reflect on just how many times Scripture uses the example of wives dressing beautifully for their husbands, as a way to talk about the Church being prepared for Christ.
Well , I greatly appreciate what you are doing here to help guys leave their trans addiction , of course women are always attractive to men , and a wife can look sexually attractive to her husband In Private with any clothes she desires , but not in public ( but in this free sexualized poluted country ) . A very small amount of women are totally unaware that High heels and sexy dress in public are causing men to desire them sexually , but most Do Know and receive a sinful ego energy gain from the attention . God’s Word teaches when we look at women , we should look as we would our own sister , I am not saying women should dress as Catholic nuns . I’m saying high heels and sexy dress in public is sin , and Flee from Any Church of Public Place including the beach where women dress like that . So I Completely , Respectfully , Totally , Disagree with you .
Resist, thank you for your comment once again. This is a safe place to disagree. Part of the purpose of this site is to have a place for dialogue and discussion on crossdressing and other related sexual issues, even if we don’t agree.
I hear what you are saying. We don’t disagree as much as you might think. I just don’t want to lay down laws. But I agree with you that women should dress modestly and save the sexual dressing for their husband at home. But what constitutes inappropriate dressing differs from culture to culture and from place to place. In some places, a woman showing her neck is considered inappropriately sexual, in other places like the US we have really sexualized women’s legs, whereas they aren’t an issue in other places.
I think it goes down a legalistic and possibly sexist track, when we as men start legislating what women can and can’t wear, and what constitutes sinful dressing and what doesn’t. It’s a wisdom issue. Turning a wisdom issue into a black/white issue brings legalism into the Church.
I also think that God created women to be attractive to men, and vice versa. We are allowed to appreciate that beauty and diversity in the world. You recognize the beauty, but don’t view the person as an object, and exercise self-control rather than lusting. I completely disagree with the Islamic view that wants to have women be basically neutered, just unsexual persons when in public, and then only recognizing the person as a woman when in the bedroom, sometimes only using her for sex. Women are women, whether we are having sex with a woman, or talking to a woman. We shouldn’t try to hide or mask their womanness, their femininity, just because we are afraid we might find them attractive.
You don’t want women to dress “sexy” in public. Fine. But who defines what is sexy? You? Me? Them? It’s a lot more complicated than I think you are making it out to be. Just because men find something attractive, it doesn’t mean that it is provocative dressing or sexy dressing. Just because women find men in suits attractive, it doesn’t mean it’s provocative or sexy dressing.
How high do heels have to be to become inappropriate and sexy? What if they are half inch? I don’t have all the answers, but I’d encourage you to think about this less simplistically. It’s complicated, it cannot work with rigid laws set in stone, and it takes wisdom. But yes I agree with you that women (and men) should be careful to dress modestly.
Hi Simon Peter, thanks for this post. I have read through it several times now. I am particularly struck by this line: ” … my counselor told me … that he didn’t think I was transgender … I was simply struggling with an anxiety disorder … reinforced by my crossdressing tendencies.” I also am also obsessive, have concluded that I am not truly ‘Trans’ (if there even is such a thing), but have been thinking that I am suffering from an anxiety disorder that is the underlying cause of my OCD and CD. So kind of the reverse of you. I’ll have to do some thinking about the way you frame it … I may have it backwards.
Thank you for the response! I think you’ve got my perspective correct, actually. However, as one man with an anxiety disorder to another, I don’t think there’s one concrete way to go through something like this. My OCD and anxiety, at least when I published my testimony, fixated on the particular trans issue. I can say confidently that that is no longer an issue for me. This is not to say that your experience with anxiety disorders and OCD aren’t going to be different, because they completely are and will be. There are cases where anxiety or compulsions do lead to engaging in crossdressing. My case simply wasn’t that though, but I do believe that it can be that for others.
I apologize if my response seems disjointed, or lacking in coherence. It seems as though my brain hasn’t woke yet haha.