Pause: How Delaying Gratification can Lead to Long Term Satisfaction

Written by JH

JH says: I am 27 year old guy that loves Jesus, sports, and my family. I was saved seven years ago out of my cross dressing addiction, and am continually working towards further healing from it in my life. 

I’m writing this post for all those out there who struggle with crossdressing. My aim in writing is to help you see the importance of delaying gratification in order to receive long term satisfaction in Christ.

The biggest struggle that I have with crossdressing is that I’m impulsive when I do it. I don’t think about how the actions that I’m taking here in the moment are going to affect the true and real me. I just know that in the moment, I’m not really thinking clearly. My mind is obsessed and consumed with the sexual pleasure and the chasing of the craving, so that I become narrow focused.

Last night I was here. I was online and in my cycle and I was online shopping. I went to a website where I could find cheap women’s clothes, and I started finding some things that I liked. I got to my cart and put in my information to pay, and then just sat there with my cursor hovering over the place order button.

Usually when I’m in the midst of my cycle and crossdressing, I don’t even stop to think. I just click, buy, chat, etc. As I thought though, I couldn’t rationalize the decision to buy the clothes. First because I’m really trying to stop crossdressing and move out of my cycle. Secondly, I knew that I would waste that money and that I would eventually purge it all. Thirdly, this isn’t who I am, and it won’t change the hurts and pains that I have in my life.

So I stopped. I deleted the items out of my cart and closed down my computer. It was a big step for me. To stop. To pause. To think about who I truly am in Christ and to not give into the impulsive cravings that gnaw at me constantly. To think about truly what I’m putting at risk, and to truly count the cost, both financially, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

I think that is the biggest challenge we face in our struggle against crossdressing. Sin a lot of times is impulsive. We don’t stop to think about how this is going to affect us, or our families, or our relationships with Christ. We just do and act and buy and all of a sudden after decision after decision that was made on impulse we end up in this hole that we never saw ourselves heading towards.

When we pause, we are able to take our power back. It’s hard to pause and think and evaluate, but this is what breaks the cycle. It gets us out of our head.

Delaying gratification is tough but it’s what we are called to. Unlike our insta-culture that we live in, God’s economy is different. He calls us to wait on Him, to be patient, to suffer well, to endure. For we do not live for the instant gratification of our time on this earth. Our reward is coming if we endure.

So today, pause. Pause in your sin, even if you don’t want to. Think about how it is affecting you, your faith, your family, your real and true self. Think about all that you are putting at risk, but also think about how much God loves you, and how much He desires to use you in your life. If you constantly give into escaping the pain, numbing the disappointments, and running from your fears, you will never be able to move forward.

“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward” -C.S. Lewis

It’s a hard fight brothers, but it’s a fight that is worth it. May we delay our gratification that we may have long term satisfaction in Christ. It won’t feel the same, but in the end, it will be a better life than we could have ever expected.