Recently I listened to this free sermon online by Pastor Tim Keller. It was a powerful message for any Christian, but for me when thinking about crossdressing it was especially insightful. I highly recommend it – Spiritual Warfare by Tim Keller. If the links do not go right to the sermons, just search their site for “spiritual warfare.”
While I would never say that Satan is the cause of crossdressing in all of us, I would say that at the very least Satan exploits these crossdressing natures/desires in us, and tries to use them to bring us down. We are in a war. We have an enemy. Thankfully our God is infinitely greater and more powerful and is with us and gives us power against Satan’s schemes. But we need to realize what Satan is up to.
Tim Keller brings up several devices Satan uses, that he in turn got from another book. I listed several of the devices that Tim Keller mentioned and I want to examine them in light of our temptations to crossdress. In doing so, we can see the ways Satan is trying to mess with us, and we can be more resistant and overcome temptation.
Keller divides the devices into two types – Temptation and Accusation.
Temptations
1. Satan shows you the bait but hides the hook. How often I’ve been tempted to crossdress or read crossdressing fiction and all I seem to be thinking about it is how pleasurable it will be in that moment. But I forget how awful I will feel afterward, how confused it will make me feel in regards to my gender, how guilty I will feel, how I will get addicted, how much it will mess up my marriage, and how it will distance me from feeling close to God’s presence. And there are other more disastrous consequences my friends have gone through because of crossdressing – losing jobs, losing marriages, alienation from children, etc.
2. Satan tries to get us to rationalize sin as virtue. How often we crossdressers have ignored the addictive and distorted and deceptive nature of crossdressing by trying to say, “oh but it’s good for me to be a balanced person showing my feminine side” or “But my wife can better relate to me when I’m crossdressed (because I can’t have real feelings when not pretending to be a woman).”
3. Satan shows us the sins of Christian leaders. We regularly see pastors or famous Christians struggling with adultery or pornography or materialism. In comparison, we don’t feel so bad about our crossdressing. If they can do what’s even worse, we can dabble in crossdressing.
4. Satan tries to get us to over-stress the mercy of God. This is the one that has got me the most. I have a very good sense of God’s grace and it fills my life daily with joy and gratitude. However, in the moment of temptation, sometimes I use God’s grace and forgiveness as an excuse to give in to sin. But just because God won’t punish me for my sin, does not mean I should give in to it. As the apostle Paul said, do we sin more so that grace will increase? By no means! God’s grace should fuel our desire for gracious obedience, not become an excuse to sin.
5. Satan tries to make us bitter about our suffering. In counseling other men struggling with crossdressing, I’ve seen this one many times. So many crossdressers have gone through awful life experiences, divorce, alienation from children, drug addictions, job losses, financial struggles, and many other very difficult issues. Often the despair and the suffering drives these men to rationalize their crossdressing. “I’ve suffered, so I deserve this fleeting pleasure.” Or “life is so hard and difficult, what’s the point? I might as well crossdress.” Instead of turning to God for comfort in suffering, we get confused and turn to fabrics.
6. Satan shows us how many non-Christians seem to be having great lives. If we judged crossdressing by the faces that we see on many crossdressing blogs and websites, we might imagine that most non-Christians crossdressers who are embracing crossdressing and not trying to resist it, are all having wonderful lives full of happiness and pleasure. But even if this was true, it doesn’t rationalize sin and addiction. And I don’t think it is true. Just browse the forums about crossdressing to see how much angst and confusion crossdressing causes in crossdressers’ lives. The 200 people every day who find my blog through searches about the destruction crossdressing causes are not a figment of my imagination.
7. Satan tries to get us to compare one part of our life to another. I’m such a good person in other ways so its okay that I do this one sin. Keller makes the joke, but serious joke, that mafia hit men rationalize their murdering of people because at least they love their mothers. It’s a strong point. How many of us have argued that in general we are good people, who love our families, work at our jobs, serve in our churches, so really what’s the big deal if we allow one little sin like crossdressing in our private lives?
Accusations
Satan accuses us (lying to us), making us feel either a lower view of God’s love than we should, or a lower view of God’s holiness than we should.
1. Satan wants us to look more at our sin than at our Savior. He wants us to dwell on our past sins and condemn ourselves. I have talked to many crossdressers who cannot imagine how God could still love them or forgive them. And in their despair, they continue to crossdress. But it is not our own righteousness that causes God to love us or forgive us. In Jesus we can be completely forgiven and saved, and so we can live in joy and grace and obedience without despair.
2. Satan wants us to obsess over past sins that have done damage that can’t be undone. My crossdressing history has hurt people. I have done some terrible things I’m ashamed of. But Satan is the one who wants me to dwell on the past to keep me stuck there. In Jesus, I am forgiven, and I am a New Creation. I live for the future everlasting joyful life with him. I leave my sin behind me, and push forward towards the goal.
3. Satan wants us to think that the troubles we are going through must be punishments from God. Satan wants us to ignore the fact that Jesus died to take our punishment. If we look at our suffering now and view it as God punishing us, then we won’t run to God for comfort and help and provision and peace.
4. Satan wants us to think that our inner struggles can’t possibly be something a true Christian would have. I used to feel this way myself. With these crossdressing desires and addiction, could I really be a Christian? Am I alone in this? I have found that I am far from alone and that all Christians have deep struggles that they don’t talk about every day! True Christians face temptations of all kinds. But there is victory in Jesus. We don’t have to be afraid.
If we are going to resist Satan’s schemes, we need to be aware of them and understand them. Please give this sermon a listen.
This is such a great piece on crossdressing and how to not give into our desire.
Thank you very much Charles. Do you struggle with crossdressing yourself?
I would like to say: Thank you very much for creating this website.
I’ve been on my recovery from crossdress-, pornography- and autogynephilia-addiction for years, and never saw this website. Thanks, you ‘re doing a very great job with this website!
The Lord has leaded me through my own recovery for the last 20 years, since I gave my life to Jesus. In the beginning the battle was terrible, but the darkness never overruled the light again.
I’ve learned to see that my crossdress-addiction was just a plaster to cover the real wounds. I’ve been working on the wounds with therapists and through jointly prayers and a lot of pain has come out. I am free from my crossdress habit for I think 8 years.
The only thing that still gets my attention from time to time is the part of autogynepfhilia: the fantasy for having a vagina (as a man).
I’m sure that I am lured into my crossdress habit (including the autogynephilia).
I’ve learned that every seduction leads to sin, and every sin create a bondage.
Thanks again for this website. Maybe I will write my story in the forum as I think it can encourage many many others to break free from their addiction.
Great to hear from you Michel! I’d love for you to consider writing your testimony, not in the forum, but to use as a guest post. I will send you an email about doing so. It would then be posted here – https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/guest-posts/
I’d also like you to consider joining our prayer group. You can remain anonymous in it, but get help if you need it. It’s so great to hear how long you’ve gone without crossdressing. That’s amazing and so freeing. But if you are still struggling with fantasies, you can get regular encouragement and accountability from the guys in the group. Furthermore, God could use you in the group to really help other guys who are still struggling
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/prayer-group/
Wow! Satan certainly has his tricks for sure. I buy into the notion of I am not manly enough, I don’t look manly enough since I am a “pretty boy.” I am long and slender (have been my entire life), I have long legs, long fingers, skinny frame. I know that God created me within his image, but I do struggle with the inability to put on weight to get away from a fem-like appearance. My body just cannot do it. Working helps me feel good but putting on the weight seems almost impossible.
But I am trying to just accept my physique for what it is. It was never good hearing women tell me “your legs are better than mine.” But I hate doing it because it does take me away from Jesus. I think all the things that others have expressed, definitely gives me the feeling that I am no alone. We all should know that Satan is full of lies. We do have to resist. I am working to resist, but I am still failing every now and then.
A big thing I struggle with is the feeling that Crossdressing is not as much an accepted addiction as Alcoholism, Drugs, smoking, pornography, gambling, sex addict, etc. In other words there is shame for the other addiction’s, but crosssdressing is viewed as totally unacceptable that someone would ever stoop to that level or let it become an addiction.
I really appreciate the information that you have provided.
Good to hear from you Darrick. Thank you for reading this post, and I hope you will continue to read others. I’m glad you are here. If you want to commit to giving up crossdressing, and would like assistance from like minded brothers, in an environment where you won’t be shamed, please consider joining our prayer group –
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/prayer-group/
how to pray to Jesus? Never did that
You can talk to Jesus from home, or wherever you are. You don’t have to go to a temple. He is God, and so can hear you wherever you are. He is limited by space. He can hear whoever talks to him.
You can talk to him just like you would talk to a person next to you. Just find a space where you can be alone, and talk to him, either inwardly, or speaking out loud. Ask him for what you need. Ask him to help you, ask him to be with you.
Here are a few posts that may help you to learn more about how to talk to Jesus.
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/be-aware-of-gods-presence/
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/my-christian-perspective/
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/fearfully-and-wonderfully-made-psalm-139/
hey Barnabas, i am sorry i am commenting too much , but new trouble since 2-3 days i am feeling very anxious that what if i am not autogynephilic and i am transgender and will transition later in life ocd symptoms, i feel that gender dysphoria will develop later in life and I will transition this way my dream of becoming a dad, footballer will be destroyed and yeah causing too much anxiety i am feeling too much gender envy from 2-3 days but yeah controlling myself not to crossdress is it normal? I haven’t crossdressed from last 2-3 months and haven’t masturbated to crossdressing feelings for 1 month. PLEASE share your views
Aditya, you are not commenting too much, comment as much as you want! I understand that anxiety. Remember there is no such thing as “being transgender.” There are people who experience gender dysphoria, and those who don’t. But it’s not as if someone has to fear such a label. For those with autogynephilia, sometimes they have great gender dysphoria and sometimes they don’t. What is for sure true is that many of the people who become transsexuals later in life are men who have autogynephilia. They may consciously transition knowing that they are doing so because they are attracted to themselves, or they may be in denial over that, or they may be transitioning more because of the dysphoria than because of the autogynephilia. Read this post – https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/book-recommendation-the-man-who-would-be-queen/
The bottom line is that you don’t have to live in fear. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. No one can force you to transition and no one can force you to crossdress.
i have read stories of people who says they do not want to transition, they controlled 20-30 years of there life but the gender dysphoria grew too much that they can not control it and transition. i personally have no signs of gender dysphoria i sometimes experience gender envy but yeah hearing stories gives me anxiety. how bd was your dysphoria.
Satan took a guy up and showed him all the pleasure of crossdressing of the world and said to him, “To you I will give all these transfeminine feelings and wonderful enfemme clothes “, this Transgender Power is given to me, and I give it to whom I will. Then you will Love and Worship Yourself and Me and then Total Femininity will all be Yours . ( Until You Die )
BUT–“‘You shall worship the Lord your God,
and him only shall you serve.’”
I haven’t crossdressed for like 3 months now. today urges were strong and my thoughts were “you can crossdress once its been 3 months it’s okay” and I was almost failed in controlling those thoughts but i know i do not wanted to so i was studying physics so i made my mind that i will crossdress once my work will be done it took me 3 hours after then i was tired and took a nap after nap I went to market so I able to control those thoughts.
That is great to hear Aditya. Sometimes we just have to acknowledge the urge is there, but then let it pass, and take a nap or go for a walk or play a game, and the urge will pass. We do not have to be a slave to the urges
Hi,
I have struggled with Autogynephilia for many years now throughout my childhood and throughout my life. These thoughts come up and I know I don’t want to change myself but it makes put these pleasures as the same feeling I would get if I was someone else. I don’t know what to do to avoid these temptations and what I can do to make myself be proud in liking women.
Wil I’m glad you are here. I’d like to recommend you consider joining one of our recovery groups, for example – https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/recovery-group/
This is also a good place to start on overcoming the desires – https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/12-steps-to-stop-crossdressing/
Autogynephilia Yes Yes Yes , I know this for Sure myself when I read in a physiological study online years ago , that when a young boy Pleasures himself always thinking he is female while Pleasuring then feelings of being transfeminine gets locked into all his feelings of self .
I myself see a demonic being behind this and waiting with a young boy Pleasuring himself.