It can be a huge issue for many of us to give into crossdressing while we are away from home and family on business trips. This has not been an issue for me as I don’t travel alone but am usually with other pastors. For me, it was a bigger problem to be home alone with my computer. But if you travel a lot you need to be prepared, know your limitations, and take whatever steps are necessary so that you do not go off and buy women’s clothing, or take a secret stash with you, or fail on your computer in a hotel. I know from talking to many of you men that it brings great temptation to crossdress and revert to old habits when you are alone at a hotel away from home.
Notify your accountability partner before you even leave on the trip. Don’t wait until the last minute to tell him or your excitement at planning to sin will prevent you from calling him. Tell him a week in advance. Then arrange times with him to periodically call you to check up what you are doing.
Plan for yourself some other fun things to do while you are away. Maybe bring some good movies with you. Make sure you pack your favorite novel. Have your favorite computer game installed, and maybe even plan a multiplayer session with a friend while you are at the hotel in the evening. Or intentionally spend time with other men who are with you on the business trip in the evenings. Get to know them, and share about your faith with them.
It’s also a good idea to make sure to talk to your wife each day by phone and email. Just hearing her voice will hopefully make you think twice about failing. Tell her you love her, and think about the wonderful reunion you will have with her when you get back home (after not failing). And remind yourself of how crappy and awkward it would feel to go home and reunite after failing.
It might be advisable to leave the cash at home and only take credit cards with you, especially credit cards that your wife has access to online so you would not be able to hide any purchases.
If you know you are going to be tempted to shop, then maybe consider purposely having fun shopping for men’s clothing for yourself. Enjoy looking good as a man. Treat yourself to something nice.
Take life seriously. You don’t want to fail and give in. Be prepared for trips.
I have been cross dressing since I was 11 years old and now 63.I have tried so many times to stop and have purged a ton of times only to buy again.I am into the fetish aspect of it and even have my own page with videos that I have done at no tell motelsIt is very pornographic for me and I have deleted my page tons of times only to come back to it again.I live with my gf but we do not engage in sexual activity since I have psyched myself out to not being able to perform,in fact we sleep in separate rooms.I hate myself for how deep I have gotten into it and I often ask Jesus for forgiveness and to please help. I also have a storage locker and an UPS box when I purchase stuff online like female attire and sex toys..I have had sexual relations orally with other cross dressers many a time but have not in years now.My GF knows all about this and thinks now that I have stopped cross dressing completely.i feel like a deciever and liar.My daughter and rest of my family do not know about this side of me.My dad was into porn mags and videos when I was growing up and I discovered this stuff at an early age.I cannot get a accountability partner because I cannot let anyone that I know find out this side of me.I have been to counseling as well as priests as my spiritual directors.I t would help but only short term..I really need prayer in my life more often and not to think that scripture is boring and too much of an effort to read.i like being a guy but cave into my addiction often to cross dressing which always makes me feel lousy and sinful in the aftermath.any advice? thanks Charles
Hi Charles, thank you for the comment. I’m glad you are reaching out and trying to get help. I’m sorry for what you are going through. I will pray for you right now. There is hope for change!
I think you on the one hand are seeing the seriousness of your addiction, but on the other hand you still seem to be treating it lightly. You want to just dabble here and there with getting help, but you are taking it seriously. I encourage you to think about how drug addicts get help. They don’t get help in secret. They have to actually check in to a rehab facility. They need the help of every friend and family member they have. They need medical intervention. They need peer groups. They need accountability partners. They need counseling. You are obviously by your own admission stuck in a terrible cycle of addiction that is destroying your life. You need to go to a new level of seriousness in getting help. Just trying to pray more is not going to do it.
You have to ask yourself if you really want to break free from this addiction and overcome it? If so, you are going to have to get vulnerable and be willing to through some hard things. You’ll have to get rid of the storage possibly, you’ll have to tell your girlfriend, you may have to move in with other people so you dont have so much time and freedom alone, you’ll need to get a very serious internet filter for all of your devices, you’ll need to purge all of your sex toys and porn immediately, you’ll have to consider telling all your friends and family so you can get the help and support you need. You’ll have to delete your website completely, remove it all. You’ll have to consider giving up your credit cards to friends, so you cannot order things online.
You can overcome this addiction. There is great hope. But the first thing you need to decide is if you really want to be free or not.
I’d love for you to read these posts to help you think through these things:
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/no-more-half-measures/
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/12-steps-to-stop-crossdressing/
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/summary-reasons-crossdressing-is-sinful-harmful/
I and others in this community would love to help you. We would love to see you live a life of freedom and joy. And in Christ, you can also experience forgiveness for your past sins, and move forward, not being tied down by guilt and shame. Please continue to talk to us
I am praying for you Charles , Please stay in touch !
We Care .
Reformed
Thank you! Doing my best but sometimes a struggle
Thanks for helping.As soon as I get back home from my trip I will purge for like the 50th time all my things and close my storage locker I wilk also delete my web page like I have done like 15 times before.Its always an addictive cycle.I cannot tell friends and family they would be shocked and my daughter would be hurt the mosr.I will seek counseling again like I have done about 12 times before and I have been to 12 step groups like SA and SAA quite a few times..I also used to belong to a group online called Crossovwr with a pastor who was a former Crossdresser but from what I heard us that he was a fraud.If you know of any counselors in Long Island NY area please let me know.Thank youand God Bless
Charles good to hear from you again! Thank you for receiving my comment well. I know I was pushing you and saying some hard things. But I hope it also helped you.
Make sure you do something different this time, because like you have said, you have done these things many times, but have fallen back into addiction and slavery again. What is going to be different this time?
I encourage you to see if there are any Celebrate Recovery groups in your area. It’s like a 12 step group, but Christ focused.
I’m not sure which organizations are in the NY area, but you can have a look at the organizations I’ve listed here – https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/links-resources/
I think your best bet might be to get help from the organization called Harvest USA, and perhaps they would be able to point you to some place near you – https://harvestusa.org/
Your friends and family would be shocked, and it would be really hard for you to have them know, but that’s the kind of shock to your system that could bring real change, especially when they come around you to support you and help you. Anyway, keep thinking and praying about it.
Hi Barnabas , I Hope Everyone who reads your Blog and sees one who is truthfully trying to be free of this Compulsive Spirit , will pray for their deliverance thru Jesis Christ the Only Healer . I pray he Seeks Jesus thru the Gospel Of John .
Thanks! Barnabas
I am seeking to be clean from all sexual addiction including crossdressing.
Warren, thank you for commenting. It is certainly possible to overcome sexual addiction, many before you have done so. Freedom is obtainable. It might take a bit of hard work and willingness to ask for help.
Here is one source of help you could consider – https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/prayer-group/