In the past I used to read through forums at crossdressing websites to dialogue and also to get a sense of what crossdressers are feeling and experiencing. One thing that impressed upon me many times was seeing that most crossdressers continue to experience guilt and shame about their crossdressing even after years or decades of doing it. It just doesn’t go away easily. Men feel guilty about their crossdressing and it is a constant battle to suppress that guilt. Sometimes the guilt explodes in a purge of the female clothing. Sometimes the guilt causes the crossdresser to post a new forum comment or a new blog post in which he talks about his guilt and how he feels like quitting.
When crossdressers respond to these people thinking about quitting, their responses are usually very similar: “You shouldn’t feel guilt and you shouldn’t feel shame.” “You just feel that way because of how people in society look down on us and don’t understand us.” The advice that is usually given is that the urge will never go away, and so the best thing to do is to plow through the feelings of guilt and shame, accept who you are as a crossdresser, and continue crossdressing. In other words, bury the shame and guilt and push forward.
Shouldn’t these repeated posts tell us something? Can you really suppress all this guilt and shame? If you are doing something that continues to cause you such pain, anguish, guilt, and shame in your heart, might the better solution be to work hard at no longer doing this activity, to heal from the guilt and shame so that you no longer have to feel it?
I used to feel guilty about something that I shouldn’t have felt guilty about. Growing up I thought it was sinful to drink alcohol and that it always leads to drunkenness. But someone corrected my view of Scripture on the alcohol issue, gave me a brief education out alcohol, and then I tried drinking. And I felt fine about it right away. The guilt has never come back even though I drink on occasion. Since Scripture and my conscience both do not give me guilt about this issue, my conclusion remains that drinking alcohol is not morally wrong.
But crossdressing is not like this, not for me, and clearly not for most crossdressers out there. They keep trying to persevere in crossdressing through the guilt and shame, but no matter how much they try to suppress the guilt and shame, it just keeps coming back. If the crossdressers are right that crossdressing should not produce guilt and shame, then why do the people keep coming back to post on forums, even 40 years into crossdressing, explaining that they still feel the same feelings of guilt and shame and are thinking about quitting?!
I say in love to the crossdressing community, please stop trying to suppress the guilt, but rather deal with it in a healthy way. Maybe your guilt is telling you that you are doing something that is wrong and not good for you, even if it feels good in the moment. Once I gave up crossdressing, the guilt and shame in my life over that issue disappeared and I’ve been living in peace and happiness ever since, never once regretting the decision I made.
Please also read this other post I wrote about guilt which gives several other related ideas – Guilt is an Achievement!
Good Morning I started to put my sister clothes at 11 years old and now I’m 64 years old. And always have trouble with my sexuality all my life and guilt is overwhelming.
Pat I’m sorry to hear that. I’d love to help you more. Let me suggest that you begin by reading this post. https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/12-steps-to-stop-crossdressing/
If it convinces you that you want to stop and are going to make a decision to stop crossdressing, I’m here to walk with you on that journey. If you make a commitment to doing so, I would then suggest you join our prayer group – https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/prayer-group/
I’m going to pray for you right now
And the only thing that will truly take away your guilt is by trusting in Jesus as your Lord and Savior, being forgiven for your sins through him, and beginning a life with him as your God who desires a relationship with you. https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/my-christian-perspective/
Thank You
Sins, Sins, … why are you talking about Sins? God made me this way. It is not a sin to be what God ordained. I don’t know why this became my lot , but I trust in God. For some reason he wanted this for me. Maybe, so I or someone else, can speak up for God and Nature.
Hello Monica, thanks for commenting. I’m glad you are here and reading my articles. I talk about sin a lot because I am a Christian and I believe whenever we do something that God forbids, we are committing sin, and sin both disrupts our relationship with God and it hurts us and others as well. Did God create you that way? Is it okay for others to use this an an excuse for their behavior, or only crossdressers? Can a corrupt politician say that God made him corrupt? Can an alcoholic say God made him that way? Here is a post I wrote called – But I was Born this way – https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/but-i-was-born-this-way/
I could buy the “God made me this way” argument if a man simply wore skirts/dresses/blouses and didn’t do any sort of body modification, I mean those are just articles of fabric, but the vast majority of crossdressers use prosthetics to give fake breasts or wide hips to imitate a “woman”. From your argument, God made your body a certain way, so there is no need to modify it. Wear dresses/skirts if you feel comfortable in them or like the way they look, but fake body parts is an insult to God’s creation and a misogynistic fantasy that reduces a woman/femininity to these body parts.
I hadn’t actually thought about it from that perspective. It is quite the misogynistic fantasy isn’t it? That’s given me something to chew on and think about. Thank you.