I am glad you found your way here to read about this difficult and confusing topic of crossdressing. This website was created to give a place for people to come together in community to fight their crossdressing addictions together, and to heal from their gender dysphoria. We give each other encouragement and advice and think about these issues from a Christian perspective. The issues of crossdressing and gender dysphoria surely have caused most of us great pain, anguish, and frustration in our private, public, and spiritual lives. Through the writings and people here, I hope you will be able to find healing, forgiveness, comfort, and freedom in our Lord Jesus Christ.

Over the years I have worked hard to study, reflect, and write about these issues. There is still much for me to read and learn. I write out of my personal experience, my experiences encouraging others who are struggling, my research, my faith, and the theological education I have received.  In day to day life, I am a Christian pastor.

I myself used to struggle with strong desires to crossdress, along with some accompanying gender dysphoria. I started this website in 2011 in order to help (and be helped by) other Christian men who experience the desire to crossdress. I have dealt with this issue for most of my life until God gave me great victory over this struggle. Although I still feel the temptations from time to time, I now experience freedom, and I feel full contentment as a man. This didn’t happen overnight and it took a great deal of work. Yet I give God all the credit for this, because my successes were the result of God working through me. (The first version of the site was made in 2011, and then later the content was transferred to this new site).

On this website I discuss a number of things of a very personal nature, and so I have chosen to go by the name Barnabas, a name which means “son of encouragement” (Acts 4:36). My desire is that other men who struggle with crossdressing may be encouraged when they read my testimony and my thoughts on this subject, for I am a fellow-traveler in this fight. You can read more about my story on the About Me page.

Through this website a whole community of men have come together and given up their crossdressing addictions. Some of them have even written on this website through “Guest Posts.” Unexpectedly, I have found that this site has served as a meeting-place for many of the wives of such men to come together, share insights, pray for one another, and sometimes, grieve with one another. Women, please know that if you are married to a man in this situation and are looking for encouragement and advice, you are most welcome here. We have a special section of our forum just for you to get support from other wives – Forum for Crossdressers and Wives.

Please feel free to comment on any of my articles/posts and discuss with me. I hold all email addresses with confidentiality, but for those of you who are rightly worried about security and anonymity, it’s easy to make a new email address with an anonymous name before you comment. I also suggest not writing your email address within a public comment. While the point of this website is to help those who are trying to resist crossdressing, I welcome comments from other perspectives. Perhaps we can have mutual learning and growth through the discussion. I approve each comment individually, so please be patient and give me at least a day to approve your comment.

Although I usually make clear distinctions in my writing between crossdressing as a sexual fetish and crossdressing as a result of gender dysphoria/transgenderism, in some of my posts I talk about general crossdressing with little nuance. I am not ignorant of the important differences between the two issues. But often what I write relates to both issues, and there is far more overlap between these two issues than most people want to admit. Most of what I write also relates to people who crossdress for comfort, stress relief, or a thrill. It is hard to neatly fit people into categories and labels, especially since most of us have difficulty even sorting out our own reasons for crossdressing. For more about the terms I use see this post – Definitions of terms and labels.

Thank you for being willing to read my thoughts. If they help you, to God be the glory for using me! Please comment on my Questions and Comments page if you would like prayer in your struggle and I promise to take time to pray for you. If you want some guidance in reading my posts, you can look here at the page – All Blog Posts. The articles or posts that I think are most important have been highlighted. You are most welcome to share a link to my website on your own website, especially if you belong to a like-minded ministry or organization.

If you would like to contact me, you can comment on any post publicly, or you can go to my About Me page for ways to contact me privately.



  1. Allen J Eberly

    I’m not a crossdresser but I struggle with wanting to wear diapers and be a baby, it’s emotional for me but sexual as well, I know this grieves the Holy Spirit, help!

  2. Barnabas

    Allen, good to hear from you. I agree with you. It grieves the Holy Spirit for us to be in any kind of slavery to addiction, especially sexual, but even if it was only emotional. We should find our refuge in Him. There is another website I can recommend to you about your struggle, though it doesn’t have much content yet. The author is one of the members who regularly talks with me at this blog. https://acuriousmansjourney.wordpress.com/

    I think a lot of what I have written will directly be able to help you. Please do continue to read my posts. Some of them, like these ones, will relate to your struggle as much as to crossdressing:


    I will pray for you right now. Keep reading and keep in touch. Feel free to register on our forum and have some good discussions with the other guys about the similarities between your condition and ours.

  3. Timothy

    Thankyou so much I have been searching and praying for help with this addiction and this site resonates so well with my beliefs and such helpful steps to make it easier to resist.
    After going to so many counsellors who mostly said that I should embrace my crossdressing, saying that it was gender dysphoria and I can’t be happy unless I do give in. As a Christian this never felt right and instead the more I gave in the more unhappy I became to the point I really wanted to end my life despite having a family I love.
    Thankyou again

    • Paul Samson

      Hi Timothy, so great that you found your way here. Welcome. This is a place for lots of support and prayer. I’ll pray for you now. We do have a private group where we can share our stories. Barnabas who runs the group is travelling at the moment but when he’s back he’ll send through the link.

      Stay strong brother, there is hope for lasting change as many of us have found.


    • Alec

      Hi Timmothy, I have been told the exact same thing and same diagnosis . Hope you are doing ok.

  4. Abdulla

    Thank you barnabas..can i join but iam a Muslim

    • Barnabas

      Abdulla, thank you for your comment. You are very welcome at this website. Recently another Muslim commented as well. Most of us here are Christians, but we are happy to help you overcome your crossdressing, and happy to encourage you. Please dialogue on my posts by making more comments. There is much we can learn from you as you also comment, and hopefully you will also get some new insights from reading my blog posts about crossdressing.

      We also have a prayer group, which I’m wondering if that is what you were asking about joining? That one is just for Christians who are praying together to give up crossdressing. But you are more than welcome to join the discussions here at the website, or on our public forum.

      Please share more of your story. I’d love to get to know you

    • Alec

      Hi Abdulla,
      Glad to have you with us. Most of us are Christians but I think it’s o.k. as in most recovery groups I have been associated with have people of all faiths and even some without. We share common ground though in that we recognize the destructive nature of crossdressing and gender dysphoria . I myself believe in the Bible in regards to living a righteous life and not getting hung up in gender dysphoria. But there is strength in numbers. That we are seeing people of all faiths, even agnostic and atheists wanting to stop this behavior is testimony to just how acting out our inner dysphoria can and will destroy our lives, not to forget our eternity.

        • Barnabas

          Thank you for the help, you are welcome to join that conversation as well! Hope you can join them sometime.

  5. Horrified

    “That one is just for Christians who are praying together to give up crossdressing. ” How cruel of you.
    Would Jesus have turned him away from praying with him ?

    • Barnabas

      Horrified, thank you for your critique. I understand your concern and it is an important one. But a prayer group where people are praying to different gods, and with different understandings of prayer would not work well. I don’t think Jesus would have welcomed people to pray to a god of that time, like Asclepius, while he prayed to the Heavenly Father together in the same prayer time. But definitely Jesus had and has a heart to care for all people.

      I don’t think it is wrong to have a specifically Christian prayer group. If it would be wrong to have a specifically Christian prayer group, then it would be wrong to have churches as well. I have no interest in starting a generic prayer group that is for people of all religions, and not focused on Christ. Our prayer group is focused on Christ. But of course, we don’t want to leave out people from this community who are not Christians, which is why we have other avenues of discussion – through blog comments as in here, through the public forum, and through the phone group that Justin mentioned above. Abdulla and others are very welcome.

      I hope that addresses your concern. Feel free to follow up

      • Graig

        Hi , as long as I can remember I’ve been putting on woman’s underwear, from around the age of 4. I’m now 47 and things have progressed to dressing up completely as a woman. I would like to stop for the sake of my family and my beliefs but for me personally i dont want to give it up. It brings comfort and enjoyment and i know it’s selfish.
        How do I rid myself of something i want ?
        My wife found out about it and I went to counselling a few years back. In my mind I knew I would want to do it again so did the counselling as a cover to appease my wife.
        Three years later I’ve been caught again and here i am. Same situation, I still don’t want to give it up.
        I find myself lying when asked and have even asked my wife to accept it in our marriage. She refuses

        I often think it may better to walk away than to continue the lying to her.

        I’ve prayed for God to take this cup, and yet he has not.

        How have you all managed?

        Thanks G

  6. Keith

    Hi Abdulla.

    Welcome to this wonderful site of Barnabas’s.
    I am one of the few Atheists that use the site and have been most welcome. I do not always see eye to eye with some of the comments that are made on the site, but hope i address this in what I believe to be a kind and respectful manner, which is how I believe all people should conduct themselves. No two people on this world share exactly the same outlook and we are all free to follow our own path. I personally am trying to step off the crossdressing path and this site is a great help in allowing me to air problems I encounter along the way, which I would not chose to do elsewhere.

    Once again welcome.

    • Barnabas

      Absolutely, you have done so in a kind and respectful manner. We really appreciate your presence here.

  7. Todd de Ceault

    Been working out this lifetime problem myself it too has consumed me into this dirty act of behavior of crossdressing, I have been fighting this tooth and nail for more than 3o plus years, I have had many temptations are hard to ignore. What started this for me at a young age and beginning to feel like I feel in fantasy land in my mind with lustful sexual thoughts and the actual acting out in dressing like a woman and not been able to talk about it for a very long time and my attendance at a Celebrate Recovery Program for the last 3 to 4 years, the last 2 years led me to talk about this problem in a mens group with keeping all details out mostly, leaving out the specifics also with that said, it’s like in a trap again not being able to find true recovery, it’s difficult to get past hurts, habits and hang-ups, my group is christian based without the foul language. Thank you for letting me share.

    • Barnabas

      Todd, thank you for the comment, and I’m so glad to hear you got involved in a Celebrate Recovery group. I have heard only really great things about those groups. Please don’t give up on that group, while at the same time, perhaps you would benefit from getting some advice from other ex-crossdressers. Consider joining our prayer group –


    • Tom

      Ian new Tom can’t help putting nilons on

      • Barnabas

        How can we help you Tom? You said you can’t help putting nylons on. Well you surely can. No one is forcing you to do so. The question is, do you want to stop?

  8. Jimmy

    I became a believer when I was 11.
    I was introduced to porn magazines by some friends when I was around 17. Over the years … this led to porn addiction, which on the whole was confined/ controlled … with periods of freedom from it, and periods of utter defeat.
    Then about 5 years ago my marriage took a nose dive, and I seemed to have some sort of nervous breakdown.
    I believed my marriage would be over within a short period of time … so I decided to experiment with crossdressing … which I had been drawn to by the porn.
    To my surprise the marriage did not end … and I am still married. Sadly however, I am now addicted to crossdressing (which seems to have replaced the porn)
    I am in my late 50s.
    My poor marriage (from my perspective … resulting from an inability to get close to my wife on a normal day to day basis without her inexplicably and regularly losing her temper) has caused me (I believe) to turn to porn and more recently crossdressing for refuge. (I know this is my fault and not hers)
    When I walk with the Lord I have joy in my soul, but I foolishly trade this for the physical pleasure of dressing on a repetitive basis.
    I have come to realise that I am worshipping what I see when dressed. It’s a form of idolatry … which I know is weird .. and sinful … but sadly true. I have tried giving this up so many times, but my resolve breaks so easily.
    I believe my problem is that I don’t want to give it up anywhere near enough. I don’t really believe that a life without dressing will be better. I clearly use crossdressing as a crutch.
    Regrettably, I have become disillusioned with Christianity because I am unable to rely upon the Lord Jesus who does have the power. I feel ashamed that I am unable to enjoy the power that the Bible teaches is at my disposal as a Believer.
    I have various gifts from God that are not being used because of this, which adds to the guilt and frustration.
    My wife knows I dress but wants to remain married .. even though the marriage is not working and probably never will. I also have grown up kids.
    The answer may be to separate/divorce and find a woman I can be close to .. but my Christian ethics (or perhaps my mistaken understanding of Christian ethics) provides resistance to me doing so.
    Sorry to burden you with all of this.
    If there is anyway you can help I would be most grateful indeed.

    • Barnabas

      Jimmy, thank you for sharing. This is really rough. I understand your pain, and understand the frustrations of your marriage. I can see why you turned to porn and CD, although they promise much more than they actually give, and in the end only give more pain. When we use sin to soothe our pains, it doesn’t relieve the pain, but only adds more addiction, sin, confusion, and disillusionment. It truly harms us.

      The Christian life is not an easy one. Jesus called us to follow him by taking up our crosses. To choose to follow Jesus means embracing suffering for a short temporary time (this short life), followed by everlasting fellowship with God with no more pain or suffering. Thus, the calling for us, is to follow Christ even when we lose our jobs, or get sick, or end up in painful marriages. This is not a message many can accept, but I do believe it is what we are called to. Sometimes that means loving a spouse even though its an imperfect marriage that doesn’t fully fulfill us sexually. In doing so we show the world the relationship between Christ and his Church, in which Christ loves us though we are so unfaithful and imperfect.

      It is very possible to give up CD and find victory over it and live a life of freedom without it. Whether or not things improve with your wife, you will want to do this. And if you want things to improve with your wife, this would be a great first step. But do it first for yourself and your relationship with God, not primarily for your wife.

      I encourage you to keep reading my posts – https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/all-blog-posts/

      And if you are ready to quit CD for good, please join this recovery group – https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/prayer-group/

  9. Todd de Ceault

    I have found that spending more time with Jesus helps me to be obedient and to serve others through patience as I worship to have peace, hopeful and holy confident to move forward, to me this is what it means to live daily and by moment Christ hears my cries through pain and agony and going through this hardship has strengthen me and the more I know about myself the more God has brought me to breakthrough. I have been struggling with masturbation and talking to Christ more I have learned to be free from that in the last 395 days. So I keep asking myself this question, why stop now, my continuance keeps going because my plan and goal is to be free. Knowing this, I have stopped hurting my body physically and the need God to rewire my mind and have holy confidence in Christ Jesus. I go to Celebrate Recovery 2 times a week for recovery in my addiction to masturbation and crossdressing I have been free from over 20 plus years. My spiritual growth has always been a learning curve. I have always been told since my adolesence that I show strong perseverance in God’s trust. Through stepping out and attending step studies that my life is no longer a secret, God knows me more than I do myself. Working scripture works keep up the good work and fight the good fight, let go and let God. I took a step forward shared part of my testimony at Celebrate Recovery, sharing with others with no judgement an environment where you can take off your mask I found love and comfort. For the men reading this know you are loved by church family and I pray for you too, there is hope, peace and understanding great love of the Father. Thank you for letting me share.

    • Barnabas

      Wow Todd, thank you so much for sharing that wonderful testimony! Keep sharing it around. It will give guys the help they need

  10. Lucinda

    I have autism and I was wondering if God could (in heaven) create for me a female version/clone of myself that I can be with in the afterlife forever. I feel like a male but I want a female me-either externally or internally.

    • Barnabas

      We don’t know that there will be sex in the New Creation because Jesus said there will be no marriage in Heaven or the New Creation.

      That aside, sexuality is supposed to be other focused, not self-focused. So no I don’t think God would want us to be attracted to a clone of ourselves. Part of the beauty of love and marriage is finding the beauty in our differences, while we are yet similarly made in the image of God. Adam said of Eve, she is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. So he appreciated the similarity. She was like him, but she was also unlike him. She was female, not male.

      The Bible constantly puts us on our guard from being self-focused and proud. We need to repent of that.



  1. Recommended Resources on Transgenderism | AffirmingGender - […] Healing from Crossdressing –accessed 1/2024-Interesting site, providing a forum for Crossdressers and Wives. […]

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *