Our culture very much values freedom and freewill. It’s basically the supreme American value. And that is why I am so often completely stunned that people quickly deny their own freedom, in order to rationalize their behavior. It doesn’t make sense to me. I so often hear crossdressers, or those addicted to sissy porn, or those struggling with same-sex attraction say “I have no choice.” What does this really mean? If they mean they have no choice about whether a part of them desires to crossdress, or desires to have homosexual relations, or desires to live as the opposite sex, then that may indeed be true to an extent. In my case, I feel like I didn’t have much choice in whether I would have crossdressing desires or not. I just had them.

But there is a logical leap many people make and I think they usually mean much more by their statement that they have no choice. They also imply that because they didn’t choose their desires, and can’t flip a switch to instantly change them, that this means that they don’t have any choice about acting on them. Maybe if pressed, people may claim they don’t believe this, but in common ways of speaking, they speak as if they do. When challenged to not give in to these desires, it is common to hear – “I don’t have any choice, this is just who I am.” But this is just not true.

Almost all of us have complete choice in our sexual behaviors. We don’t have to do anything we don’t want to do. We have freewill. Now, certainly freewill is a complex thing, and sometimes our will is at conflict within itself. For example, if I have homework to do, part of me might wish to do my homework so I can learn and get a good grade at school, and part of me might desire to hang out with friends instead. In such a case, my will is in conflict, and what ends up happening is that the greater desire will wins out. If I choose to do homework, that means my ultimate will was to do homework, even though a part of me desired to hang out with friends. What we choose is what our ultimate will is. Sometimes a situation can be far more complex than this example, with many conflicting desires, decisions, and consequences factoring in to the hard choice.

With sexual desires it is the same. Most heterosexual men at times have desire or lust towards women who are not their wives. If they follow the logic of many crossdressers or homosexuals they could say, “it’s just who I am, I have to give in and commit adultery. It’s part of me. I have to be myself.” But this is obviously false. If a man gives in and commits adultery, than he is giving in to that one desire, over the desire to love his wife, which means his ultimate will is to commit adultery more than to love his wife.

So we have to ask ourselves with crossdressing, or with our struggle with autogynephilia and gender dysphoria, what is our ultimate will? What choice will we make? It is nonsensical to say we don’t really have a choice. You can desire crossdressing for the pleasure it brings, but your ultimate will is to live without it. You can partly desire to attempt to live as the opposite sex and get surgery to disguise your sex, but you can also choose to live as the sex that you truly are. Every choice will bring drawbacks, challenges, joys, and advantages. We should not think there is only one obvious choice to make.

Every day, ALL people everywhere in this world, choose not to act on many different feelings and desires. This is part of the wonder of being human beings with freewill who don’t just blindly follow instincts like many animals. We can make decisions and not give in to every desire that flits through our minds. Imagine how messed up the world would be if everyone acted on every desire that occurred to them? I know if I acted on all of my desires I would be a monster. But thankfully I have freewill, and can choose not to give in to every small or large desire that I recognize within myself.

You may freely choose to crossdress or to transition. But don’t pretend you don’t have a choice. That is simply false and naïve. You may not choose what desires and thoughts drift through you head. You may not have chosen your biology or upbringing that predisposed you to crossdressing, autogynephilia, or to the pain of gender dysphoria, but you do indeed choose whether to act on those desires or not. We can actually choose which of our desires to give into or not.