These are testimonies from members of our various support groups in this community. Names in most cases are changed to protect confidentiality. Please read and be encouraged! We would love to give you the help that you need as well. In Christ, change is possible. In Christ, our wounds can be healed and we can be comforted in our sorrows. God is good. Read what he has done.
Testimonies from Men
Ben – “I found the Healing from Crossdressing website at the height of my addiction. That night, I was feeling especially stuck in the shame cycle. In desperation, I scoured the internet for support groups. The thought that kept me searching was, “There have to be more men struggling like me.” When I finally came across the website, the sense of relief I felt was like a breath of fresh air for my soul. If you’ve ever spent time online trying to understand this addiction and look for healing, you know how hard it is to find anything other than voices affirming the continuation of sin.
When you’re searching for a community and trying to make sense of your struggle, finding the wrong answers instead of the right ones can make all the difference. It can mean the difference between having vulnerable (and even embarrassing) conversations that lead to healing—or getting stuck in 10 more years of mistakes and bondage. This website was like a lighthouse in a dark, stormy sea, guiding me safely to shore. It’s easy to get lost out there. But this community helped me find direction. For me, it truly was a lighthouse. And it was up to me to keep rowing toward the light.
I underestimated how much this addiction would affect my relationships. When you’re in it, you start finding ways to justify it to the people around you. You lean into your brokenness and explain it in a way that makes it sound like healing—but really, it’s just more brokenness.
The Healing from Crossdressing website—its community and content—slowly started to unravel the false beliefs I had built up in my mind. It wasn’t the only thing that helped me heal, but it was a major motivator and helped kickstart the journey. I still had slip-ups along the way, but over time, God began working through this ministry to free me from the addiction. If I hadn’t found it when I did, there’s a real chance I could’ve lost my marriage. I’m eternally grateful for the men in this group and for the dedication of its leaders.”
NHA – “My struggle with crossdressing popped up in my life when I felt a lack of direction and confidence. I did not understand why I felt the need to crossdress. I just knew that I liked the feelings I connected with the practice– feelings of quietness, gentleness, stillness, tenderness. I later learned I associated these things with femininity, as seen in the behavior of women in my life. Despite the good feelings, it felt awkward, and after marrying, I felt guilty, like I was finding satisfaction in something that should be enjoyed via my wonderful wife. I sought to understand this secret habit, but I dared not confide in family, friends, or church, for fear of being ridiculed and scarred. I felt trapped and alone, as if the devil whispered, “You can’t tell anyone, you hypocrite loser.”
I finally found help via HFCD (Healing from Crossdressing). Although I was nervous and afraid of exposing my secret, what a relief to discover I was not alone! I could finally bring my struggle into the light among humble men in a confidential, trustworthy, and safe environment. No longer did the devil have me trapped, alone, and afraid.
Reading the HFCD articles and the experiences of others in the HFCD forum— the common struggle, the various ways the men found freedom from this secret addiction– I was able to see my addiction for what it was. Crossdressing was an escape from reality. I learned that the best place to be in life is to be vulnerable before God. In that space, I found true, lasting love and joy.
Crossdressing no longer has a hold on me. Yes, the temptation to retreat from life’s pressures crops up now and then, but I have found healthy ways to deal with these moments and feelings. HFCD and daily reading of Scripture remind me that my joy and happiness is found in a close relationship with my Savior. HFCD continues to be a space where I am encouraged and where I can encourage others. How thankful I am for this ministry. It truly is a shining light where once was darkness. Thank you, HFCD, and thank You, God.
Justin – I started crossdressing in the 7th or 8th grade. It was a very tumultuous time for me. I had been exposed to pornography very early and kids around me were starting to become sexually active. I did not grow up in a Christian household and I did not understand this was wrong. I saw females as objects of both sexuality and romance. I felt entitled to both, but yet I was unable to attain either. The first time I secretly put on my sister’s bathing suit, I finally found both. And I was in control, or so I thought. I felt the sexual attraction and at the same time romantic validation. I spent many hours dressing up, masturbating, then dressing up again. I desperately longed to actually become a girl so that I could get what I wanted.
Then I started hearing from the world that sex change was possible. I romanticized this idea for many many years until it became so overwhelmingly difficult to resist. After I had given my life to Jesus, gotten married and had kids, this was no longer a moral option but I still felt trapped by my thoughts and feelings. Gender dysphoria and autogynephilia had a profound grip on my life and I could no longer hide it. When I finally reached out for help, I told my wife about my lifelong struggle. She almost left me but I assured her I was going to get better and that God would heal me and our marriage. I found the Healing From Crossdressing website and the prayer group. I started calling into the weekly Crossdressaholics Anonymous meetings. I got involved in Celebrate Recovery and went through 12 step studies twice. And now I am co-leading a P51 recovery group at HFCD.
Crossdressing and gender dysphoria has slowly lost its grip on my life. God has set me free. I’ve had to accept the truth that God made me a man in His image and that He loves me. I’ve been able to identify the lies and triggers that have kept me bound to the addiction. I still have a few passing thoughts or dreams every now and then but they no longer drive me to act out. I can let them pass, focus on my true identity, and be grateful. As I surrender more deeply to God and his plan for my life, he continues to bless me and illuminate the next steps for me to take. And I do it humbly and gratefully knowing it’s all by His grace alone. And He surrounds me with amazing brothers who have also joined the fight.”
Fred – “I used to crossdress. In my freshman year of high school, I was bullied for having so-called feminine features, which led me to start engaging in this activity. During the pandemic, I was locked inside my house, and I think this activity and related sexual things on the Internet became an addiction. I felt like it got severe, and I started having thoughts around transitioning. I became depressed and suicidal because I felt a tug towards feminizing myself but I also enjoyed aspects of manhood. Almost all media sources, whether it was the New York Times or Reddit, encouraged people like me to transition. I was caught up in that and I was extremely conflicted. In the fall of ’23, I found this lone source to the contrary, Healing from Crossdressing, a ministry founded by a pastor who faced the same urges I did. He wrote blog posts, and they were so influential in my life. At first I would skip over any usage of the Bible because I had never been a Christian. However, I remember reading one article and its Bible verses and I started crying. Soon after, I decided to pray to Jesus, and I felt His presence. I felt I was protected. That was the catalyst for becoming a Christian. In a sense, there really wasn’t enough substance I could hold onto in being a man, but when I realized I could be a man of Christ my whole perspective changed. That’s my testimony! I spoke about it during my baptism. I got baptized in May 2024, and I am still going to the same church!”
Benjamin – “My issues with crossdressing desires and object fetishization began at a very young age. Unfortunately, I did not speak to anyone about these desires and over time they gradually became stronger and more potent over the years. I never understood why I had this problem or where it could have possibly come from, so I began to do research. After researching I discovered Healing from Crossdressing and started reading through many of the posts. After reading through the website, I learned about autogynephilia (AGP), why it is sinful and damaging to indulge in it, and how to overcome these desires with practical tips and through the power of Jesus Christ. This ministry has helped me in numerous ways. For many years I believed that I was alone in these seemingly bizarre desires and that no one could possibly understand me, but this ministry helped me discover that there are many men who struggle with this. This ministry has also given me hope for the possibility of marriage in the future. Many men in the prayer group as well as men who have posted on the website have given me hope that it is indeed possible to have a God honoring marriage despite dealing with autogynephilia. Overall, this ministry has taught me that it is possible to be free from these sinful desires and that living a fulfilling life that honors God is possible. Thanks for what you do, it has made a huge impact on me.”
Bill – “After finding the discord page it felt great being able to hear other’s perspectives and thoughts and share my own as a believer of Jesus and being able to talk about our common struggle of having the desire of wanting to be a woman. I was first scared to share my thoughts and feelings but everyone was open and loving regardless where you are/were religiously. I feel that this discord group has given me the opportunity to help others who are really struggling and being able to listen and offer prayer has been the biggest blessing to be the hands and feet of Jesus. I have been very thankful for this and I am hoping we can all overcome.”
Dylan from India – “Before I found the website, I was completely broken as I believed that there is no recovering from AGP. I knew what I did was feeling good in the moment, but was not right as I regretted it later on. When I found the website, the biggest relief for me was that I am not alone with this issue. As AGP is still under research and not being talked about much, I felt that I’m the only one. The therapists don’t understand what exactly we are going through. But the community and Barnabas made me feel heard and valued. I finally had someone whom I could vent out to and would understand me, being in the similar shoes.
The articles included concise and structured action plans on how to overcome AGP, and explained logically the reason how certain aspects of our life and previous experiences might have led to AGP. The phone calls with pastors like George, Barnabas, and the group calls have also been insightful. These calls opened my eyes towards the Christian religion and viewing this issue through the religious angle too. It has certainly improved my relationship with God. I’m currently at a much better stage now. I know what I’m currently facing, why it is happening, and which actionable steps to take in that moment. Thank you and I am forever grateful for the administration behind this website.”
Testimonies from Wives
Angela – “I dated my then husband when I found out he is a crossdresser. It’s been 7 yrs and I married him knowing this about him and I continue to learn and grow in God and this ministry of women who are in the same boat. Joining Barnabas’ ministry was an answer to prayer. It’s a predicament finding out the huge secret and other sins that go with it and having nobody to talk to or pray with but this has been a safe haven for me, a place with wisdom as I have grown to understand this complex thing called autogynephilia. I’ve grown stronger in the Lord. I’ve grown to empathize and support women around the world who are struggling with similar marriage challenges. I’ve learnt so much about crossdressing. I don’t know where I’d be if I hadn’t been in this group. I’m very grateful for Barnabas and his patience and wisdom and all the ladies who are Christian warriors. Their faith and wisdom has blown me away. This is a very professional platform and ministry. I’m always impressed with the high standard and professionalism of this ministry.”
Susan – “After 25 years of marriage, and 11 children, my alcoholic husband confessed he was a crossdresser while stumbling drunk. I was in a complete state of shock and despair. As soon as he confessed, he began wearing women’s pantyhose and underwear to bed. I was sure that our marriage was over. I felt I could never tell family or friends. While researching online, I found Healing from Crossdressing. I read everything on the site and joined the ladies group. It was like throwing a life preserver to a person who was drowning! The ladies group has been incredibly helpful. It is such a blessing to know you are not alone! The group has also helped me to keep my eyes on Jesus, which is vitally important in surviving this journey.”
Roxie – “A little over a year ago, I started on a journey I never wanted to take. When I discovered evidence of my husband’s secret involvement with crossdressing, the perception of my reality was rocked and shattered. Shock, confusion, fear, and anguish sent me searching for solid ground in all sorts of directions during those first few months. Landing upon a blog post by an anonymous author on the topic of crossdressing is what I consider to have been an act of God’s guiding hand. I had no concept of what crossdressing or gender dysphoria really were, but through the support of Barnabas’ articles and posts and the group for supporting wives, I was able to find that solid footing that I so desperately needed. Reading through all of the articles on the website, I was able to learn and understand something that was so scary in a way that made it approachable and straightforward. It was extremely comforting to receive thoughtful, personal messages welcoming me and assuring me that I was loved by the Lord and seen in this difficult struggle. I have benefited so much that I’ve decided to become a larger part of helping the ministry and offering this vital support to wives of husbands who crossdress. I owe a good portion of my sanity to this wonderful ministry.”
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