I am frustrated with crossdressers for expecting or even hoping for their wives to act as lesbians. If you are a Christian who believes that homosexual behavior is sinful, then trying to get your wife to act this way with you (while you are crossdressed) is debauchery. I refer to crossdressing during sex, but also crossdressing at all in your wife’s presence. She married a man, and wanted marital companionship with a man. If you are one of those crossdressers who says they are a part-time man, and when crossdressed, just act as a womanly friend of your wife, then you are still cheating your wife. You are supposed to be spending time with your wife as a husband, not a part-time girlfriend. You are forcing your wife to enjoy part of her marital intimacy in a lesbian way. Simply put, if you are a man who truly believes he is really a woman, then you are committing homosexual sex with your wife. This is sin. And if you realize you are not really a woman, but just a man dressing as one, you are still sinning by fantasizing about lesbian sex, and forcing your wife to have this image in her mind as well.
Furthermore, even if you think homosexual behavior is not immoral, surely you must realize that not all people have same-sex attraction. Forcing someone to live in a pseudo-lesbian relationship with you while you are crossdressed, that is still messed up and wrong. Our secular culture views sexual orientation and identity as sacred and holy, not to be messed with, and how dare you if you ever try to force someone to change their orientation. Isn’t this what you are trying to make your wife do? Imagine if the situation was reversed, and your wife wanted you to somehow be attracted to her dressed up as a man, especially in the bed, and yet you know you don’t experience any same-sex attraction at all. That was not what you signed up for in marriage. You crossdressing is not what she signed up for. If you are unwilling to give up crossdressing, so be it – leave your wife in peace. But don’t force your wife into situations that she is extremely uncomfortable with, or that she views as immoral.
One thing that amazes me is how many wives or girlfriends tolerate crossdressing, and they then say that they have become lesbian or bisexual and learned how to live with their crossdressed or transsexual spouse. Articles and blogs reveal relationships like this all the time. In a culture that often says same-sex attraction is fixed and not a choice, it’s interesting how many women have sexual feelings that change when their husband starts living part-time or full-time as a woman. I am not sure how the general culture make sense of this sexual fluidity. It seems like such stories are celebrated even though they seemingly go against the arguments that our sexuality cannot be changed. My thought is that these women love their husbands so much, and are ready to sacrifice themselves to keep the relationship, and so they force themselves into trying to cultivate attraction for their husbands dressed as women. I don’t think these women are lying about still being attracted to their husbands. I just think that they love the individual husband so much, and can’t bear the thought of divorce, that they remain attracted to him, even in his dressed form. I have great pity for them. Their husbands have brought great confusion and perversion into their lives.
I’d like to challenge us, those of us who are Christians, those who think giving in to homosexual behavior is sinful, to treat our wives in a godly way. Don’t expect her to become your lesbian lover. Don’t expect her to be okay with trading her husband for a pretend wife. Even if you would never “force” your wife into anything like this, also make sure you don’t try to manipulate her into it either. Some husbands (and counselors) lay great guilt on their wives to try to make them voluntarily give in to this kind of behavior. This is messed up manipulation. Do not do it. Next time you are tempted to crossdress, think about this and shut down that temptation.
Repent. God’s grace in Christ is abounding and wonderful.
Acts 3:19 – Repent therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out.
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