Written by Jack:
How many times have you heard this? You can’t quit crossdressing. It’s who you are. Don’t waste your time, embrace it. My addiction to dressing led me to spend a lot of time online talking with other CDs and this was a constant theme. I remember one conversation with a CD who had been clean for over a year and they slipped up. Because of that one slip they had decided to totally embrace cross dressing and take it to new levels. I remember thinking, I would kill to be clean for a year. I kept thinking, you were successful over 365 times, you slipped up once and you are going to throw in the towel.
Imagine any sports team with a 365 and 1 record. Would you view them as a failure or success? Tom Brady, who is viewed as the best football player ever, only has a 75% winning percentage. In addiction recovery that means you are only clean 3 out of every 4 days. When you worked for months to get that promotion at work, did you give up or work harder to get it next time? When your kid fell off his bike the first he got on, did you say, “Let’s just forget it, he will never be able to do this.” We aren’t perfect anywhere else in life. Why do we think recovery is any different?
In everything else in life we know we need to train and develop strategies to succeed. Addiction is the same. I have embraced my addictions for years. Yes, I didn’t think they were really that good but I didn’t want to quit. I didn’t think it was a big deal when I would cross dress or engage in some erotic behavior online. My first step before I was able to even start to heal was to be able to look at my behavior and say that it was unacceptable. When I embraced my addiction, I couldn’t fail because taking part in it was a success. The fact that I can say I have failed shows I have made a paradigm shift. If you are sad, disappointed, or angry when you slip up, that is a good thing. It means you care about recovery. But don’t sit in your despair, it is a weapon of the enemy. Analyze your failure. What went wrong? How can you improve? What will you do next time? Are you showing improvement? At one time I was dressing full on and going out dressed. I quit for 437 days. When I slipped up I just wore a few items and didn’t go anywhere or do anything. I got back on the program in two days and haven’t dressed since. Initially, I felt really bad. However, when I actually thought about it, I could see I had made a lot of progress. I turned this slip into a chance to tell myself I was moving in the right direction. Based on some other things in my life I had developed a negative attitude. In reviewing what happened, I could see I was actually making progress but I needed to work harder in some areas and change some things.
I have also noticed when I am working to come closer to God, I become a target for the enemy. When I embrace the way of the world and give in to my desires I am not a threat to the enemy. The Apostle Paul tells us our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. When we try to quit and help our brothers in their struggle to quit we are stepping into the arena. The fight is on. But remember when the battle is most fierce you have Jesus on your side. Where sin abounds, grace abounds even more.
I went online and looked at quitting alcohol, giving up porn, and walking away from illegal drug use. The information I saw was similar. It is hard but you can do it. You may need help but we are here to support you. It is a long journey but you can make it with persistence. Don’t give up if you fail, keep going. Guess what I found when I looked up cross dressing? You can stop but the desire will never leave you. Why would you want to quit? You will just waste money and buy new clothes. I have read a lot on the negative effects of porn and how addictive it is. Quitting crossdressing can’t be harder than that. Of course, you may be watching crossdressing porn and have two addictions. Oh but as long as cross dressing is involved it must be okay. Why don’t you think you can quit crossdressing, because the world tells you, you can’t. The world tells you, you will fail. Imagine a whole website dedicated to telling alcoholics to give up the idea of quitting and just get hammered. Maybe even drive home, it is who you are, embrace it. What would you think of that? That is basically the attitude of most on quitting cross dressing. I think most cross dressers feel better thinking they can’t quit. Quitting is hard. It takes commitment and effort. It takes time. You may slip. You may slip again. You may want to stop your journey to freedom. Don’t give up!
If you failed today and truly feel remorse in your heart and want to do better you are headed in the right direction. I remember the days I would get up after engaging in addictive behavior and be planning how to do more of it, not how to not screw up again. Why did I fail? What can I do next time? Who can I talk to? Failure is not final. The only true failure is to quit trying.
This message was sent from heaven.
I like this post, I am reminded of the years of dressing up also, but there came a time and season I decided to quit dressing up because I was only hurting myself and physically, mentally and emotionally it really messed me up something terrible happened to me when I was a child, I didn’t know how it came to be but a close friend exposed me to porn in images and actual photos and being subjected to it the first time, that was my traumatic experience (right now I need to deal with my immediate feelings). The more I experience God and the holy spirit the better my mind comes clear of my defects of character, I would rather endure and embrace God’s character for my sins have been forgive, His love endures forever. Thank you for letting me share.
thanks for sharing this perspective, I like three things in particular: 1) being mostly sober and rarely slipping up is better than the opposite; 2) we shouldn’t listen to those (including ourselves) that tell us to ’embrace’ our addiction…it’s not loving, not life giving, and doesn’t end in better outcomes; and 3) it IS possible to be free of this, both of the behavior, AND the desire. It may not be ‘once and for all’, but I can testify of the goodness and grace of God for this doubt/concern. Jack, we’re glad you’re here with us, and for taking the time to contribute this post for us.
I can totally relate to this and you are right. Just like any addiction, it is there and will always be there but like you said, that doesn’t mean to just give up and give in to it. Also, with what you say about the crossdressing community attitude about CDing is true. It is the same as saying I can’t quit drugs, I need them.
Thank you Jack for your encouraging post. I am not sure if this will help or not but when I have read CD Fiction over the years I noticed a theme on enslavement in many of the stories. I recall being so distressed after reading and even paranoid. If the behavior of CD is supposed to make us happy, it would be interesting to find out why it results in slavery, fear, and anxiety, to the reader.
I am so thankful for the past year being absent from the CD Fiction sites the past year and Barbabas I have this website to thank for that where I found other who struggle with the same things. Thank you.
Brian, good to hear from you. Thank you for your appreciation. Can we be of more help to you in giving up your addiction? Consider joining our prayer group: