Written by NHA:

An effective approach when temptation strikes

Ugh. You summed up the courage and wherewithal to do the right thing. You’ve purged all your beautiful clothes again. They’re all in the trash bin, and you made sure they’re irretrievable. Yet, the dysphoria persists.

That’s to be expected, friend. You’re dealing with something deep here, not a scratch wound. I get that.

Overcoming the crossdressing addiction is no walk in the park. It’s a battle of the trenches.

Have you ever had surgery for an injury? Or perhaps recovered from an extended illness? Then you know that recovery takes time and committed, consistent effort on your part to get back to a healthy you.

Autogynephilia and gender dysphoria consist of complexities that run deep. Crossdressing is an addiction that finds its origins in roots that run deep. Based on my experiences, what I’ve read, and what other crossdressers have shared, it seems we try and find comfort in fantasizing what we do not receive in reality. Our minds are incredible at creating imaginary personas and worlds. Conversely, our minds can easily lose the distinction between fantasy and reality.

For me, crossdressing was a solution to an unmet and misunderstood need. For various reasons, my social awareness is underdeveloped, and thus I either miss cues of affection or have unrealistic expectations of affection from others. I can expect too much from others and/or I don’t effectively express my needs to those closest to me. The bottom line is that I am lacking in emotional development.

There are plenty of articles on this website that can explain in detail the complexities of autogynephilia. My purpose in this post is to share a method that helps me discern fantasy from reality when the temptation to satisfy my addiction to crossdressing arises.

Let me start by saying that self-discipline will be your friend. 2 Timothy 2:4 states: “No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him.” In your battle against your crossdressing, you will need to have a soldier-like singular focus. The good news is that victory in this battle will result in you having peace and contentment, which you likely lack as long as this addiction persists. Thus, self-discipline is essential to press forward towards your goal of freedom. You need to be able to say no to temptation.

Yet, saying no is of no help when you do not have an alternate course at hand.

You will need to have a plan to enact when the going gets tough. What is a plan? Things to do when your unwanted desire acts up and throws a fit. For me, it’s getting up for a walk outdoors. Or playing fetch with my dog. Or going to another room and calling a friend, sibling, or parent.

Breaking old habits of thinking requires a steady walking down a new road. You’re going to want with all your being to ditch the new road and walk the old, familiar, comforting road. That’s when self-discipline will need to kick in, as you focus on your plan instead of giving in and going back to the old way that you know, in your heart, is not what’s best for you, not what you ultimately want.

A key aspect of success for me in discerning fantasy from reality is the Yes/No method. When that temptation is calling my name like a bullfighter waving the red silk at the bull, I need to quickly get my head straight or I am a goner. I ask a quick series of Yes/No questions. “Maybe” is not an option. Questions I ask myself might be:

Have I gone this route before? (my answer is Yes.)

How did that pan out? Were you glad you did so? (my answer is always No.)

Was it worth the interruption of peace and fellowship with God? (again, my answer is a hearty No.)

Do you have an alternate route you can take right now before you take another step down the road you know you ultimately do not want to travel? (hopefully, my answer is Yes, I have something else I can do. Have a preplanned list of alternate activities you can quickly shift to).

Asking these Yes/No questions has time and again saved me from traveling the road that leads nowhere fast. Sure, it’s tough at the moment. But, ultimately, I know what I truly want: joy and peace, integrity for fighting the good fight and being a soldier worthy of his calling, a solider who is a good soldier of Christ Jesus who endures hardship for his high calling

Press on with me, fellow solider of Christ. One foot, one good thought, in front of the other.

NHA

P.S. If you would like to take the Yes/No method a step further, take a look at another of my posts, titled Small Change, in which I shared how small changes help me rewrite destructive patterns and habits. A small change implanted today onward will result in a major difference down the road!