I want to counteract what I see as false advertising on the internet, even if that false advertising is unintentional. Crossdressers on internet forums and blogs make out that giving up crossdressing is a sure-fire way to be miserable and stressed out, a sure-fire way to have a horrible life. They make it out to be that if you give up crossdressing you are only harming yourself because you can’t accept that you are really a crossdresser and will always be one. Now, I understand that they truly believe this and so their motivation is actually that they are trying to be caring to others. They want to save other crossdressers from despair and from wasting money on purges, and from feeling miserable trying to suppress their desires.
But I want to say that this doesn’t have to be the case, and it was not for me! And I’m sure that there are thousands of others who have given up crossdressing and are completely happy about it. They just don’t have the time to make a blog about it, or don’t have the care or interest to go on crossdressing forums and tell people about it. I would guess that most crossdressers only hear from and talk to other active crossdressers, thus they continue to think that it’s nearly impossible to give up crossdressing, and thus they continue to think that if you do give up crossdressing you will only be miserable, as they talk to other crossdressers who quit temporarily and reported feeling miserable.
Nothing could be further from the truth for me and most of the past crossdressers who are a part of my blog’s community. Not crossdressing does not make me feel like I am suppressing anything. Not crossdressing does not make me feel unhappy. Not crossdressing does not make me feel depressed. Not crossdressing does not make me feel like I’m not being myself. I feel so much less stressed and so much more joyful than during the years when I was crossdressing. I also feel more content in being a man. I feel like a man and enjoy being a man and am noticing ways that I am like other men that I did not realize or appreciate before.
I know that if I read crossdressing stories, or crossdressed in real life, that my body would still find it pleasurable. I don’t know if that will ever change. But it doesn’t matter. I think of alcoholics who stop desiring alcohol, but know that if they start drinking, they will enjoy it and want to keep drinking. The same is true for me. My body will still respond to the stimuli it had become attached to in regards to crossdressing. The addiction has fused those brain synapses, probably for life. But like the alcoholic feels deep regret, frustration, and harm from giving in again, I also know I would feel that way too.
If I was not writing about crossdressing in an attempt to provide a place for guys to get help from this addiction, I probably wouldn’t think about crossdressing any more at all for the most part. And that sounds like a wonderful beautiful thing. I’m honestly very tired of thinking about it. The more years that go by, the more ugly crossdressing seems to me. But God has called me to keep working on this blog in order to help others. So I will continue. And I must say I immensely enjoy the wonderful relationships with other brothers in Christ that God has brought to me. They have encouraged me so much.
I of course cannot guarantee that if you give up crossdressing, that you will have my experience. But I will say that it is possible to give up crossdressing, and it is possible to give it up and be happy. There are many stories of doing so on my site or linked from my site. You don’t have to have despair. There can be hope and freedom for you.
I used to be a cross dresser, as a fetish, for sexual pleasure and as an obsession. It doesn’t do as much as it used to for me anymore. Sure, I still enjoy buying some sexy clothing now and then, and won’t feel guilty if I wear them. It feels as normal as wearing regular guy clothing now. I used to worship girls because they looked so great in their attire, and I wanted that feeling of being beautiful, but, not anymore. Having this habit did more harm than good for me, my relationships were all uneven because I used to put girls so high up on pedestals, I was always the one giving in the relationship.
I would lie if I said I felt comfortable wearing women attire, because it doesn’t feel comfortable at all! (okay, some do)
But glad this fetish has faded, I do actually feel more confident in my manhood now.
What do you think caused the change? How did the fetish go away?
Cutting ties with the males in my family, they were all narcissists as well. It’s pretty clear that they only wanted to overpower me. The last male family member was cut off about a month ago, it was then my list for crossdressing declined
Peter, that is interesting. I’ve never heard about those social and personal family dynamics being a cause of crossdressing fetish desire. Would be interested to hear more about it as a possible cause
Barnabas, You posted this back in 2018. Are you still free from crossdressing? Have you had any setbacks?
Hello Mario, thank you for dropping by! Actually this post is around 10 years old or so, I don’t remember the exact date. It was on my former blog before migrating to this new website in 2018. Your question is a good one and a fair one. I think I’ve answered it already here –
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/persevere-its-going-to-be-a-long-struggle/
But I’ll give you a short version here. Most days, most weeks, I experience no temptations or desires to crossdress. I live a life very full and very free from crossdressing and I have no regrets. Once in a while temptations flare up. Especially if I have a crossdressing dream. Those days it can be hard to resist temptation, but they are very few and far between. I have had some periodic setbacks in the last 10 years, particularly with crossdressing fiction on the internet. But at those times that I’ve failed and looked and read, it is just temporary physical pleasure which is never as satisfying as it promises to be, and on those occasions, it was followed by a strong feeling of “well, that wasn’t worth it” and a lot of regret. On those occasions, it only strengthened my resolve and my strong feelings of how good it is to live a life of freedom without being in bondage to crossdressing. Of all the things I’ve done in my life, and all the beliefs I have, the belief that I am better off without crossdressing is one of the most sure beliefs I have. Every month and year that goes by I hear so many stories of guys living in bondage to crossdressing addiction. I have compassion and want to help them if I can. They don’t know that they can live a life of freedom without it.
What is even more encouraging are all the guys in our prayer group who have given up crossdressing. There are many in the group who have not crossdressed in years. They do not regret getting crossdressing out of their lives. Who wants to live with constant addiction and identity confusion?
Even secular psychologists say that it is very possible to stop crossdressing, just as it is possible to stop and get help from any paraphilia, and to experience real change in desires. Don’t believe the hype on crossdressing websites about it being impossible to stop. Let me know if you have other questions. Are you considering giving up crossdressing?