Dreams have been one of the biggest problems I have had over the years in giving up crossdressing and trying to keep from fantasizing about it. I know I am not alone. If you are like me, you can go months without thinking about crossdressing during the day, but then randomly it appears in your dreams. This is frustrating because it seems we have little control over what we think about when we dream. It’s frustrating because these dreams are sexually pleasurable, or even emotionally pleasurable, and so they reignite the temptations and the addiction. And it’s frustrating because the dreams confuse our minds, they mess with our heads, making us discontent with our sex or make us question our sexuality.
In my past, when crossdressing was still a big struggle, and I was stuck in a cycle of repentance, then abstinence, followed by a failure, it was dreams that normally triggered a failure in most of the cases. Many times I would have a dream that was incredibly sexually pleasurable, and I would then want to act it out in real life as much as possible. But of course this was never possible as the dreams were incredibly unrealistic, with people thinking crossdressing was normal and good, or with people thinking I was beautiful.
What can I suggest?
First, you should make sure to analyze the dreams. If we only suppress our desires they will master us eventually. We need to face the desires head on and then choose not to give in to them. So analyze your dreams without allowing yourself to fantasize about them. What do they mean? Does the dream show how much you desire to feel attractive to others? Does the dream show that you are looking for ways to rationalize crossdressing behavior so that you don’t have to feel guilty about it? Does the dream show that you desire affirmation? Does the dream show that you want to crossdress to escape from responsibility in your male life? Analyze it and then address the problems in your life that the dream reveals.
As you analyze the dreams, make sure you dismiss the unrealistic fantasies. Recognize the lies and deception in the dreams. If you have a dream that you can fly, you don’t go out and jump off a building and try to fly in real life. Similarly, just because you crossdressed in a dream, don’t rationalize that you should go out and do it in real life.
Second, take time to pray and repent of what was in your dreams. While we don’t choose to have a specific dream, our dreams do arise out of hearts and minds, out of our desires and thoughts. It is your sinful nature that wants this sin. Remember that it is what you have filled your mind with during the day and throughout your life that is coming out in these dreams. Confess and repent of filling your mind with such things.
Third, every time you wake up having had such dreams, quickly pray for God’s help. Be on your guard. Temptations will be particularly strong that new day. Call your accountability partner and tell him about the dream and the temptations. Make sure you will not be alone that day.
Fourth, keep praying and asking God to give you good dreams and prevent you from having these crossdressing dreams. I pray before bed every night that God would protect me from such dreams. Pray that God would protect you from your own sinful nature, and from demonic attacks during the night.
Fifth, don’t give up hope. Change is possible. These days it is rare for me to have crossdressing dreams. I can’t say that I never do, but it’s really rare compared to in my past. Change will happen as you keep resisting crossdressing and stop filling your mind with it. Also, as you focus on loving your wife well and enjoying sexual time with her, your body and mind will begin to desire her much more than crossdressing and you will find your dreams being about time with her rather than about crossdressing. Interestingly, in the past 5-10 years I have had dreams that are about how foolish and stupid crossdressing is. Change is possible!
Whether change comes for you in this life or not, God will help you and give you strength to resist temptation even as you deal with these dreams. Continue to fight the good fight and don’t give up.