If you’ve spent much time reading about crossdressing online then you will probably know about the term “purging” and all of the wisdom and lore that has built up around this idea. Purging is basically the act of getting rid of all of your female clothing and paraphernalia, whether by throwing it into a dumpster or donating it to a charity. Let me begin by summarizing the communal wisdom of the crossdressing community about purging.
What the crossdressing community says about purging
The community argues that purging is a rite of passage to becoming a mature crossdresser who is at peace with oneself and one’s true gender. Purging is common and to be expected. Many crossdressers might go through years or decades of binging and purging cycles of crossdressing. The purging is brought on by various feelings including fear and stress about the possibility of getting caught while crossdressed, shame and self-loathing, and wanting to please other people (like a wife). The purging cycle finally stops when the male-to-female crossdresser is courageous enough to accept himself for who he is. The crossdresser is now willing to accept that crossdressing is a part of his nature, whether he continues to view himself as a man, or now views himself as a woman. The crossdresser now has come to the point of maturity where he will crossdress regardless of the expectations and demands of others, and so he will divorce if he has to in order to have the freedom to be himself. He no longer has so much fear about being caught because he has stopped caring about the opinions of others regarding crossdressing. He also ends the purging cycle by forcing himself to not feel guilt and shame when looking at himself in the mirror. He must realize that the guilt and shame is only a product of the cultural upbringing that he has had. But now he can force himself to believe that crossdressing is good and a part of himself. The hopeful result is that the shame and guilt go away. But crossdressers can expect that at least some guilt and shame will always remain, but it can be managed. The crossdresser should make a commitment and promise to himself to never purge again. These mature crossdressers who have been through the purge cycle realize the vast amount of money and memories that they have lost by purging so many times. They make it their mission to counsel and help other crossdressers who are thinking about purging to reconsider, or to at least hide the clothing temporarily instead of getting rid of it all.
My view of purging
I agree with some of the analysis above but disagree strongly with most of it. To quit crossdressing and heal from it, you really will need to purge the female clothing, cosmetics, and accessories. They are the cause of your temptation. Let me put it very clearly. To say you are quitting crossdressing but keeping the female clothing in your house is the same as an alcoholic or drug addict who says he is quitting but keeps the alcohol or drugs in his house. Both cases are foolish.
If a crossdresser came to me saying that he wanted to quit but he wanted to keep the clothing in the house, then I would know one of three things:
- This person doesn’t truly want to quit. He is trying to please others or is deceiving himself.
- This person does want to quit but doesn’t believe that he will be successful. So he wants to keep the clothes rather than buying them all over again in a few months or a year. This person has already failed in quitting before he has really started. It’s very tough to quit an addiction if you start out believing you have already failed. This person is only temporarily abstinent while the urges have subsided. But he wants to be able to dress again quickly if the urges reappear.
- This person does want to quit, but is a fool. He thinks he can prove his strength by facing the temptation and not giving in. He thinks that he can prove to himself his mastery over his past addiction by staring the clothes in the face and not giving in. This person does not understand the nature of addiction. He needs to befriend a former drug addict or attend an AA meeting, or talk to a porn addict. He doesn’t realize that you can’t fight an addiction by simple willpower. You need to remove temptations, get encouragement and support from others, have an accountability system, a time of detoxing, etc. This crossdresser wants to quit crossdressing the same way he would quit watching too much television. He is not treating crossdressing as the serious thing it is. (This is something even mature crossdressers agree about, that you can’t quit crossdressing so simply, it’s not a small thing).
As a Christian, my favorite passage to think about in regards to purging is Proverbs 6 which is about adultery. Read verses 20-35 which warn about adultery, but particularly look at these four verses:
25 Do not lust in your heart after her beauty
or let her captivate you with her eyes,
26 for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread,
and the adulteress preys upon your very life.
27 Can a man scoop fire into his lap
without his clothes being burned?
28 Can a man walk on hot coals
without his feet being scorched?
This passage from Proverbs is a helpful warning against adultery, prostitution, and lust in general. I know it is not directly about crossdressing. But I think it is good for us to meditate on it and think through how it might relate to crossdressing as another kind of sexual sin. Many crossdressers try to give up crossdressing without getting rid of their female clothing. Verse 27 makes it very clear that if we have fire or hot coals in our laps, we will get burned. I think keeping secret female clothing around is like keeping a raging fire in your house. You are just asking to be burned. You cannot contain a raging fire in a house. It doesn’t work. Put out the fire so you don’t fail again.
Objections
1. Some crossdressers argue that the urge will always come back in 100% of cases. I don’t know about the 100% being accurate, but I agree that in most cases purging will NOT take away the urge or desire to crossdress. But so what? I’ve never argued that we should quit crossdressing because the desire will go away. People don’t quit alcohol or heroin because they think the desire for it will go away. We quit crossdressing because it is an addiction which is sinful, harmful to ourselves and others, and it causes identity confusion. For more about how the desire to crossdress won’t necessarily go away, see this post – Healing Doesn’t Mean No More Temptations.
2. Crossdressers, as I’ve said above, say that the self-loathing and shame is only because of the culture’s view of crossdressing. They say that the crossdresser needs to personally realize there is nothing wrong with what he is doing. I STRONGLY disagree. Crossdressing by it’s very nature attacks the male identity of the person who is crossdressing. See my post – Crossdressing demands sacrifice of self. You know instinctively you are doing something that is not right. You love what you are doing and hate it at the same time. Every crossdressing episode takes you farther in the escalating addiction than before. Each time you take more risks, make longer lasting changes, and lose more of yourself, but you keep going back to it for the emotional release or sexual thrill. In almost every other area of life, when a child or an adult experiences shame and guilt, we tell them to pay attention to those feelings and change. Instead, crossdressers advocate burying this shame and guilt and instead to try to force yourself to not feel bad about what you are doing. See this post also – The suppression of crossdressing guilt.
3. Some crossdressers advocate putting the clothes into a storage unit instead of completely throwing them out. I see the pros and cons of this. On the one hand, if the crossdresser changes his mind, he hasn’t wasted that money. And I’m much more comfortable with this than with the crossdresser keeping the female clothes in his house where he has easy access to them. It’s like keeping a fire burning across town that might burn you, rather than a fire in your very house. But I know how crazy and strong this addiction is, and making a simple drive to a storage unit is not a hard thing when you feel that need. It is still dangerous. It’s like having constant easy access to a secret private harem of your own a few miles away. I can’t imagine the strong temptation that would be. Another reason people seem to think this idea is good is because they want you to try quitting but test and see if the urge comes back. And if the urge comes back, you can still go and get the clothes. But again, this misunderstands the nature of addiction. We need to quit even if the urges remain. For the crossdresser who wants to keep the clothing in the storage unit, I again refer him to my 3 points above about the person who wants to quit but keep the clothing in the house.
4. Some Christian ex-crossdressers have said they wanted to keep the clothing as a reminder of their sin and how God rescued them from it. When looking at the clothes, they can be reminded not to give in. But this is not the way God teaches us to do things. What happens to idols all throughout the Bible? They are destroyed, burned, and melted down. Idols are not kept in the house for reminders of the past sins of idolatry. What do drug addicts do with their drugs? They flush them down the toilet, they get rid of them. They don’t leave them on the shelf as a reminder of the depths of depravity they went down when addicted. A real addict and a real idolater know themselves and know their weaknesses. They know that although they might feel strong now, although they might look at the drug or idol now, and not be tempted, that a day will come when they are tempted and where they will be too weak and give in. 1 Corinthians 6:18 – Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.
5. Some say purging is bad stewardship. This seems to be a powerful objection. But with something sinful, it’s better to lose a million dollars than to sin. You cannot put a price tag on avoiding sin. One of our prayer group members ceremonially burned his female clothing in the presence of his wife. It was a healing moment for them. It was the death of the thing that was destroying their lives and marriage and a new beginning together. This was not bad stewardship. And besides, it’s never bad stewardship to give away your clothing to others. There are plenty of ways to donate it without burning it. Find a charity in town. Put the clothes in a clothing bin. You could even sell clothes on eBay! Do whatever you have to. But get rid of the clothes.
Concluding thoughts
Brothers, don’t fool yourselves. You are weaker than you think. Get rid of the clothes. The urges will come back, so get rid of the clothes so that you don’t have easy access when temptation comes again. Believe that it is possible to quit crossdressing, even if the desires come back. You can heal from this. You can abstain. You can find freedom. But the first step is getting rid of the clothing! It’s hard, but you can do it. You could reflect on the difficulty of giving up “the one ring” in the Lord of the Rings books, see again this post – Crossdressing and the Lord of the Rings. Here are also some Bible verses which I think relate to purging and I hope you will take time to meditate on them:
Matthew 5: 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.
1 Corinthians 10: 12 So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! 13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
A Last Recommendation
Take your wife or a friend with you and go on a shopping spree after the purge! But buy clothes that are for you as a man. Enjoy looking good as a man. Build up your wardrobe. Enjoy the experience. And then commit to never buying female clothes for yourself again.
Thank you! This is very important information for people struggling with this. What crossdressers need to understand is that this act of imitating the other sex is more ancient and ingrained into our psyche than we know and actually goes back to Adam and Eve!
I finally accepted the dressing. It will never go away so I have to accept who I am. Purging never works!
No sense in denying ourselves.
Ken, thank you for the appreciation. Can you shed more light on your comment? I’m not sure what you are trying to say, especially about Adam and Eve. And if you are willing to explain more, you can also share why it’s important for crossdressers to know.
like men. Because of the social stigma and related complications, the opportunity to crossdress isn t always available, so more often than not, breaks from it become necessary. It s part of the price we (crossdressers) pay for living in a society that is so very strict in its all masculine, all the time imposition upon men. to crossdress? What could possibly go wrong if someone were to simply stop? As stated, crossdressing is the main outlet for feminine self-expression in men that have a strong feminine side. Also as stated, everyone has a very real
Edenfantasy, it seems like your comment got cut off somehow at the beginning and the end, so I can’t see your full argument/point of view. Maybe you can try resposting.
The problem with crossdressing, is like a heroin addict who sees heroin needles in every corner of the earth. It’s really hard.
So true! It’s impossible to stop. Accept that you are a crossdresser and things will calm down.
John, what evidence do you have for saying that it is impossible to stop? I know lots of people who have stopped. I agree, it is hard for crossdressers to stop. But that doesn’t make it impossible. Most valuable things in life take hard work, whether overcoming drug addiction, crossdressing, getting married, raising children, etc. Just because something is really hard doesn’t mean it’s not worth trying.
It’s really hard indeed. We usually can’t quit alone. We need people encouraging us and holding us accountable to have any chance to quit. Just like it’s pretty impossible (from what I understand) to quit heroin without help.
I might very well be wasting my time posting this, but I imagine many out there struggling with the practice of crossdressing will stumble upon this web page like I have inadvertently, and I think it’s worth it to provide a contrary perspective; dare I say, a perspective that’s actually reasonable. I’m not a Christian, and don’t believe the bible, an antiquated chronicle of old fables and poor ethics, does anything useful for someone struggling with issues concerning their sexuality/sexual identity. So it should be no surprise that I HIGHLY disagree with the analysis in this post. Firstly, let’s get something straight: crossdressing is NOT an addiction. Maybe the church would have something else to say, but no psychiatric professional nor domain of legitimate scholarship regarding human sexual expression would classify crossdressing as addictive behavior. An addiction is characterized by impediment of daily functioning (i.e. going to work or school, interacting with friends, maintaining healthy diet, etc) and the occurrence of withdrawal after cessation of activity. I don’t know about you, but I’m not privy to any cases of crossdressers sacrificing their means of livelihood or their health in order to pursue this activity; if you know of any such cases, I’m all ears. Please stop comparing this to heroin or alcohol, things that have actually killed people and destroyed families. An unconventional sexual identity is NOT in the same league as a highly controlled substance.
The next thing that I find almost comical is your quotation of Proverbs 6, followed by your own admission that “it is not DIRECTLY about crossdressing”. You’re close; it’s actually not about crossdressing AT ALL. And that’s the problem: why are CD’s expected to essentially gamble with the prospect of totally abandoning a part of their identity based on an EXTREMELY dubious interpretation of a cryptic message from an old book? And what is this nonsense about the “male identity” that you speak of? What IS the male identity exactly? Wrangler jeans and polo shirts? Don’t you realize that the culture defines these gender norms, and these norms have changed from era to era, country to country, person to person throughout ALL of human history? For God’s sake (pardon the pun) your OWN messiah wore dress-like garments and shoulder-length hair; he was one tube of lipstick away from being Bethlehem’s drag queen lol. Stop encouraging people to enslave themselves unto what society deems to be acceptable or popular. I thought being a Christian meant going against the grain, not bowing down to it in hopeless subservience. I thought that’s what Jesus was all about. To anyone reading this struggling with any guilt or apprehension from cross dressing (assuming it gets posted, tbh not gonna hold my breath): do you! Society does NOT get to tell you how to express yourself. Trust me, I went through the purging and the determination to appease people around me at my own expense; it’s NOT worth it. Just when you think you’ve sacrificed that one thing to “fit in”, you find that society demands MORE and MORE from you. In the end, you STILL won’t feel like a man; just a shell of one. Wear that mascara, put on that lipgloss, buy that dress you’ve been eyeing in the women’s department. Just be you, ALL of you. Don’t sacrifice what makes you unique for what you THINK will make you feel comfortable. Being yourself is a daily struggle against the status quo. Embrace the fight, and by all means, make sure you look glamorous while you do it;)
Thanks for the comment. I’ll respond with a few things and some links to other posts which will answer your questions thoroughly if you want to take the time to read them.
Crossdressing is not an addiction in every case, but for the many it is. I have talked to hundreds of crossdressers for whom it is an addiction. Where it has disrupted their work, where in some cases they lost their jobs, where in some cases they have lost their wives, where in some cases they are debilitated from living a normal life because all of their thoughts revolve around crossdressing, where they lose friendships due to wanting to spend all of their time crossdressing or looking at CD porn rather than spending time with friends. All of these people wanted to stop, tried to stop, hated what they were doing, but kept doing it, thus it is addiction. If you look up sexual addiction online, for example pornography addiction you will find that all of the symptoms apply to those who are addicted to CD porn or crossdressing as a sexual fetish. I am willing to agree with you that those who are crossdressing for some other reasons besides sexual reasons may not find it as much of an addiction.
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/my-addiction-to-crossdressing-fiction/
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/crossdressing-is-like-pornography/
I’m not really surprised you don’t understand my point of view given that you are not a Christian. The Christian faith seems to be utterly foolish to many people. I understand that and sympathize with you. But it is what I believe. And it transforms the way that I look at everything, my meaning in life, my purpose in life, etc. For more on that please read:
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/my-christian-perspective/
If the old book, (the Bible), is truly a message from God, then it does matter a heck of a lot what this cryptic old book says. And we Christians live by it. This post is not an argument as to why crossdressing is wrong, so don’t get caught up by that Proverbs verse.
If you want to know more about why crossdressing is wrong according to the Bible, or why it is wrong because it is a harmful addiction, please read this post and the posts it links to:
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/summary-reasons-crossdressing-is-sinful-harmful/
What you say about clothes is interesting. It is PRECISELY the fact that a long garment is not inherently masculine or feminine, as you describe, that shows the true nature of crossdressing. People crossdress not to wear a particular style of clothing that they like, they crossdress in order to dress like the opposite sex in a given culture. Jesus dressed like a man in his culture. Crossdressing is about appearing the way you aren’t supposed to in your culture, about dressing as the opposite sex and that differs from culture to culture. Read this post and tell me if you really want to insist on the points you made here –
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/they-are-just-clothes-right/
One of my better posts disentangling the motives people have to crossdress along with issues of identity and trying to be ourselves is this one – https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/integration-and-contentment/
Carmen,
I don’t know what philosophy you follow, it’s all old books. There is nothing new under the sun. I can believe that you believe all other philosophies also, so that has to be junk too. In your definition you say an addiction causes you to not go to work, not be with friends and/or affects your health. HERE IS REALITY: I’ve called into work because I’d rather lie to my boss so I could crossdress or fantasize about crossdressing than go to work. I do that by just hanging out in my house alone. I’ve cancelled outings with friends or tell them I don’t “feel” like going out. Hmmm. Finally tell me to my face that I’m not physically sick when my wife of many years tells me she can’t be with me anymore because I want to do nothing but be a woman. And the sickness and pain affects my work, my friends and my life as a whole. You also talked about that we shouldn’t follow social norms. Why did you use a social norm to define addiction? What is considered an addiction to me might not for others. There I’m not status quo! I need to get out of crossdressing so maybe just maybe my marriage can be healed. Please forgive my mean talk back. You have struck a big nerve.
Barnabas,
I thought of this verse reading #5.
Doing what is righteous and just
is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice. Proverbs 21:3. Stewardship takes sacrifice to do.
Just a thought, would Carmen consider gambling an addiction? Gambling has no physical manifestation, in so far as you will not suffer cold sweats, cramps etc =, etc, etc. However, i have no doubt that we all know about the destructive nature of gambling, how lives are shattered, not just of the gambler but of family, often by loss of housing, food and love ones.
I consider crossdressing to be an addiction in the same way as gambling, it has the same destructive power up to and including many suicides. In my twenties I came very close to alcoholism drinking a bottle of vodka a day (when I was not on shift). I got a wake up call from my bosses and fortunately pulled back from the brink, of true addiction, though remained a binge drinker. As i have matured so has my control of alcohol and I can now live happily without it.
Looking back I drank because I could not form friendships or relationships because of my crossdressing (during the really bad period of drinking I was living and working in Malta and had no opportunity to dress up) So drinking nearly made me an alcoholic.
Having walked that path I have found that it is tougher to give up crossdressing than drinking, though again I stress that I avoided full blown alcohol addiction, but I surely did abuse it for many years.
There are many addictions in this world, not all are chemical!
Keith
Keith, I edited the comment as you asked, and then deleted the post asking for the edit. Hope all is well now. Thank you for making this comment. It’s nice to see someone who is not a Christian willing to still call crossdressing an addiction. It’s one of the most common criticisms I get. I can’t tell you how many times people will shout, “crossdressing is not an addiction!” But if you looked at any regular definitions of what addictions are, it is easy to see that crossdressing is an addiction for many crossdressers (even if not all). Especially for those who have autogynephilia, that is a sexual turn on to crossdressing, it most definitely is a sexual addiction, no different from pornography addiction.
What if a Christian Man is doing this with his willing Wife, and they both enjoy it?
Bobby, thanks for the comment. I’m happy to discuss with you. I think you know the answer already though. As Christians we believe that what is sin is determined by God, it is not determined by whether or not we enjoy something. In fact, people sin because they find it enjoyable or at least think it will be enjoyable to them (even if it actually destroys their lives). As Christians, we also know that just because someone affirms us in our sin, it doesn’t remove the fact that it is sin, and in fact, God will judge such people for affirming sin. For example with homosexuality, see Romans 1:32 – 32 “Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.”
I assume you agree with me on all of that. So a better question for you to ask might be this – “Is crossdressing really a sin? It seems so enjoyable and harmless.”
That is a much better question for a Christian to ask. But the answer I would give is that yes it is a sin, and no it is not harmless. And simply practically speaking, most wives of crossdressers I have come accross in all my years here, tolerated crossdressing or actively enjoyed it and participated in it with their husbands. But only for a time. After a couple months, or in some cases, after a couple years, it turned sour. And the wives slowly but surely began to hate it with utter hatred. And realized that crossdressing was taking over their husband’s lives, and it was destroying their marriages. They realize too late how much they did to encourage the addiction and confusion.
Here are a couple posts to help you work through, together with your wife, whether crossdressing is something good or not. You have to do the research and make that decision for yourself. But since we are dealing with something that is potentially something very evil in God’s sight, don’t be lazy about it. Take the time to do the research. Avoiding the research because you don’t like what you might find, tells to God what you think about obedience to Him.
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/how-do-we-know-what-is-true-is-crossdressing-sinful/
https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/summary-reasons-crossdressing-is-sinful-harmful/
Did Jesus die for all my sin past, present and future?
Bobby, why do you ask that question? I think you know the answer. Jesus died for all of our sins, past, present and future, but we are only forgiven in Christ if we are born again. We have to trust in Christ, believe in Him as our Lord and Savior. Not everyone is saved. Not everyone is forgiven. Only those who have faith in what Christ did for us.
As you know, faith without works is dead. Those who use grace as an excuse to sin, they are showing evidence that they have not truly trusted in Christ, not been born again, not been transformed, and their faith is dead.
Read Romans 6. Paul asks the question twice, should we sin because God’s grace is there? By no means! Read the whole chapter. He is very clear.
Will we be perfect? No. But we will try to fight sin, and we will confess and repent when we do make mistakes. But those who willfully purposefully live in sin, because they think somehow they just live under grace and it doesn’t matter, they give evidence that they are not transformed, not living in Christ, not born again.
I hope that helps! Let me know if I’ve answered what you needed.
Bobby , ! It’s a Most Serious Serious Sin to transdress and to Violate the very First Commandment –Matthew 22:37-40 King James Version 37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy Heart, and with all thy Soul, and with all thy Mind.
Thank you. I’m finding this discussion helpful, so let me ask. Is my cross dressing a rejection of my salvation, and an automatic condemnation to Hell?
Bobby, did you read Romans 5-8? Particularly chapter 6?
Your question is not so much about crossdressing I think, but understanding the basics of the Christian. In other words, “do I lose my salvation if I sin?” Or a question like, “Can I be truly born again if I choose to keep sinning this way?”
I’ve already given you an answer to that. But if you are wanting more, you can do this longer reading, and really understand how salvation works, and how we are saved by faith, but if we are truly saved, we receive a new heart that wants to live for God and obey him, and so we repent and confess sin and fight against it. If a person has no desire to obey God, and lives in willful sin, that is a good reason for them to doubt whether they are truly saved or not, whether they truly know Christ or not.
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/essay/the-doctrine-of-justification/
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/essay/the-doctrine-of-sanctification/
In summary, if you believe you are a Christian, ask yourself whether you want to obey God (in general) or not. If not, well then you have good reason to doubt you are a Christian. If you do, then the next question to ask is whether crossdressing is a sin. If it clearly is a sin, then you have no choice but to stop it now
Father God’s command , is sexual purity and this is His metaphysical truth to us , I believe the truth is sex in True Reality is for the procreation of souls and making husband and wife One , and needs to be worked out by husband and wife through a covenant marriage . Crossdressing addiction I believe always somehow has a sinful ungodly sexual end , which is Satin’s plan to keep us lost , and keep Christians useless .
This is why God’s word says it’s better to Marry than BURN with LUST , it’s Not saying sex is beautilful it’s just saying it’s permissible in marriage to be Worked Out !
And the marriage bed can be defiled by unnatural sex acts between husband and wife !
Like it or not , this is the truth !
Repented, I agree with you on crossdressing, but I have to disagree with you a bit on sex. Sex is a wonderful godly thing that glorifies God, not simply a permissible thing. He is the one who created it, and he created it to be enjoyed, as broken as it is for all of us. Read Song of Songs and a study bible or commentary alongside it, and you’ll really enjoy seeing what God says about sex. Thank you for your comments.
I see you’re asking me to question my salvation, to ask myself if I was truly born again (9-27-2008) at the age of 48 by Gods grace, and my faith. Sexual sin attacks Christians the same as Pagans. Do you think Ravi Zacharias, Jim Baker, Jimmy Swaggert, and Jerry Falwell Jr. we’re truly saved?
Bobby, I’m not telling you to question your salvation because I don’t know what you believe and what you are doing. I’m saying “a person” who is living in sin without repentance and who does not care about obeying God and chooses to continue in that sin, that person should question their salvation. Because a person who truly knows Jesus would not do that. I’m not talking about perfection. No Christian is perfect. But there is a large difference between falling into sin here and there, confessing, and repenting, and keeping on trying. Versus the person who doesn’t really care that they are sinning, and makes no effort to stop, and doesn’t repent, and lives in that sin.
Do you disagree with this statement? We are talking theology right now, not about you as a person.
1 John 3:9 – No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God.
So it’s possible to reject your salvation?
I don’t believe you can reject your salvation. I believe the only way to be saved is by the regenerating work of the Holy Spirit in our hearts, and once we are born again, we receive a new heart, and we can’t simply then reject what God has already done for us. But this is something different Christians disagree about. But for me, I don’t think it makes any biblical sense for someone to “lose their salvation.” Someone who walks away from Christ and the Church, may have been in the church, and maybe even believed in God, but they weren’t actually born again.
Barnabas,
I am a cross dresser that recently got the “it’s me or the clothes” ultimatum from my wife. And I have never purged (probably thousands of dollars and closets worth of clothes and shoes that I moved into the garage) before with the exception of my mother’s discarding of my stash when I was 13. Around that same time I was baptized and born again. As I got into high school I became more and more spiritual; I would go to young people’s meetings, prayer meetings and of course the Lord’s Day and even attended numerous conferences and truly felt I was living a genuine walk with Christ. Then as a freshman in college, my mother, grandmother, grandfather and uncle all perished in a car accident. Needless to say I did not handle that well; became angry with God, ultimately slipped in with the wrong crowd, turned away from God intentionally and started experimenting with drugs and became dependent on heroin. I distinctly remember purchasing my first two pairs of ladies work out leggings from a sports big box in Chicago around them as well. I was 18 or 19.
I, with the grace of God was able to kick that heroin habit only to relapse and kick it again (both times with methadone and on the second time, law enforcement intervention), counseling and family support. Crossdressing was always in the background but not on the forefront until my later college years, moving back home, then it seemed to go into overdrive when I had my own place. Fast forward to 2019, I meet my current wife and she finds the clothes and a huge fight ensues. I promise her I will get rid of it or sell it because of how much money I spent over the years, I could not just donate it or throw it in the dumpster and I just needed time. So I stored all of it in boxes in my garage and do not really want her in there as the mere sight of those boxes triggers her. I was able to not dress for a little over 2 years. Then the sneaking, deception and lies began and sooner or later I’d be caught. I got too brazen, almost wanted to get caught; sabotaged myself knowingly. I love her immensely and the three years I have known her and been with her have been some of the happiest and healthiest moments of my life. There’s been downs as well but whenever you’re intertwining two distinct lives together, there’s bound to be frustration and misunderstandings. I was thinking about all the years I was knowingly living in sin and did have lots of selfish hedonistic fun and if I wanted to go back to that? Her take on cross dressing is black or white. I can’t purge but don’t want to lose her. What should I do?
So what are your impressions and thoughts?
Also, on a side note, I was intrigued in your above response to someone else, “But for me, I don’t think it makes any biblical sense for someone to “lose their salvation.” Someone who walks away from Christ and the Church, may have been in the church, and maybe even believed in God, but they weren’t actually born again.”
Based on my story, do I fall into that category?
Thanks for listening,
Struggling in NJ
Thank you for the comment and your honesty. I’d love to help you however I can. Why can’t you purge? Why can’t you sell the clothes? Is it the desire to keep on giving in what is stopping you?
I see no reason you can’t sell the whole lot on ebay as one big sale, or enlist someone to start selling the items individually on ebay or somewhere else. But the reality is this, is the money the clothes are worth more important than your marriage? More important than your relationship with God? Are you prioritizing the money over your soul, over your own happiness, over your own freedom to live without CD?
And is it really a waste to donate? What about Zacchaeus when he was transformed by God’s grace when Jesus showed him mercy. He gave away half of what he owned like it was nothing. Why? He was transformed by the grace he was shown in Jesus, and money didn’t matter anymore, not at all. Why not make an extravagant gift of these clothes to a women’s shelter, or a goodwill, or even to those charities that ship clothes to other countries? Why not let it be a gift of joy and a releasing of this burden which is destroying your life and weighing you down?
Be free my friend. Let it go!
As to your last question, I don’t know you well enough to answer that. Do you know Jesus? Do you love him? Do you talk to him each day? Have you been transformed like Zacchaeus? Are you willing to give up these earthly possessions to live a life of freedom, forgiveness, and joy in Christ? Don’t waste time on trying to analyze whether or not you lost your salvation. Instead, commit your life to Christ right now, recapture the joy of your salvation, remember what Jesus did for you on the cross, and commit your life to following him and leaving the sin behind.
If you decide to give up the clothes and live free, consider joining our prayer group – https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/prayer-group/